blancheneige
06-24-2011, 04:25 PM
Hey guys. I'm a 20 year old girl. I live between my home in Portugal and my second home, where I study, in France.
I have an anxiety disorder that consists of anguish, occasional depressive crisis, occasional panic attacks and a lot, a LOT of fear. I've been feeling like this since I was 18. It all started with panic attacks. I started off with Paxil, then quit it because it blunted my emotions, then tried trazodone and amisulpride, then quite because it didn't work, then tried inderal, then quit because it didn't work and I'm currently on Lyrica and fluvoxamine. But those are just details.
Here's what matters: I'm feeling TERRIBLE. I've been having multiple anxious peaks with depression and this horrible symptom: an overwhelming fear of losing control that translated into a fear of doing something I don't want to - say, suicide. I spend hours and hours obsessing about this. This terrible fear that I might lose control and jump out of a window or swallow a dozen pills. Note: I don't want to die. I want to live. This is a symptom. But it's terrifying.
My life is terrible right now. I have no activity, I live (alone) very far from my family and I have absolutely no friends. Plus I have this disorder that prevents me from being happy all the time. I'm SO afraid this might be way too much pain for me to take and that I might committ suicide. Again. I don't want to. I'm just afraid I might.
Sometimes during my depressive peaks I get so depressed I see no light, I see no hope. I know I can reverse my problems but it would take so long and I don't know if I'm strong enough. My family tells me all the time that I'm not strong enough for anything. They treat me like a child.
Please tell me this is nomal and that I'll get over it and that I'm not suicidal, please.
I have an anxiety disorder that consists of anguish, occasional depressive crisis, occasional panic attacks and a lot, a LOT of fear. I've been feeling like this since I was 18. It all started with panic attacks. I started off with Paxil, then quit it because it blunted my emotions, then tried trazodone and amisulpride, then quite because it didn't work, then tried inderal, then quit because it didn't work and I'm currently on Lyrica and fluvoxamine. But those are just details.
Here's what matters: I'm feeling TERRIBLE. I've been having multiple anxious peaks with depression and this horrible symptom: an overwhelming fear of losing control that translated into a fear of doing something I don't want to - say, suicide. I spend hours and hours obsessing about this. This terrible fear that I might lose control and jump out of a window or swallow a dozen pills. Note: I don't want to die. I want to live. This is a symptom. But it's terrifying.
My life is terrible right now. I have no activity, I live (alone) very far from my family and I have absolutely no friends. Plus I have this disorder that prevents me from being happy all the time. I'm SO afraid this might be way too much pain for me to take and that I might committ suicide. Again. I don't want to. I'm just afraid I might.
Sometimes during my depressive peaks I get so depressed I see no light, I see no hope. I know I can reverse my problems but it would take so long and I don't know if I'm strong enough. My family tells me all the time that I'm not strong enough for anything. They treat me like a child.
Please tell me this is nomal and that I'll get over it and that I'm not suicidal, please.