Does anyone else panic from being 'put on the spot' ??

[Mr.M]

Hi there, I just signed up to this forum - what a great way for sufferers to share info!

So I've been suffering from I guess you would call a mild generalised anxiety for years now which is mainly chronic worrying and a bit of social anxiety (that's what my psychologist says). I'm working on techniques to reduce my worry however what I really need help with is the following.....

I have a real fear of being 'put on the spot'. Now to define this I mean situations like Interviews, dealing with authority figures, public speaking etc and especially a fear of confrontation. I have abnormal reactions to these situations especially if I'm not familiar with the people involved. My adrenalin starts pumping, my heart thumps, my face gets flushed, I start breathing heavier and I start gulping which actually makes it physically hard to get any words out. Basically a panic attack! And so obviously I live in fear of being 'put on the spot' everyday.

I work in a restaurant every night so I'm constantly exposed to these situations but I can't seem to get comfortable with them.

Does anyone suffer from this? What sort of treatment is beneficial? This anxiety feels like its ruling my like at the moment. Any advice would be much appreciated!

[Gladys]

Dear Mr. M,

Yes, I experience the same feelings when I'm put on the spot.

It's important to know that you are your best therapist. The fact that you work in a stressful environment is enviable from where I'm sitting. That means that anxiety doesn't rule you, although I know you feel like it does.

It's important to know that when your body sends out hormones to give you anxiety, there are compensatory ones. Remember the body wants to bring itself back into balance. It just takes time.

Best wishes

[Marlow]

Mr. M

I experience some kind of this as well. When it comes to things that I'm not prepared for or don't feel confident that day things are defiantly worse. My problem is more with impersonal types of social situations. eg, big parties, public speaking, exct. I, however, am confident in interpersonal conversations, find it easy to settle and get to know someone. The way I see it and the way I challenge you to see interpersonal exchanges (interviews, conversation, ext) as just getting to know someone on a personal level. I understand how it can be scary to be on the spot but you have to try to perceive it as just a friendly conversation. My problem is when it gets to 3 people because I feel like they will gang up on me and make fun of me (even if thats not the case), Irational fear, i know. We just all need to learn how to get past all of it.

PUBLIC SPEAKING IS THE DEVIL

[hangingon]

I cannot continue to teach at college because of my anxiety and obsessiveness. I shake like a leaf when I get in front of people to interview. There is no fear...it is all reflex. The same thing happens the first time I get in front of a new class. I think: I've done this before, I know what I am doing, this is very simple. But as soon as I look out on the crowd I start shaking. Two or three shots of alcohol before such an event fixes it, but I can't stay drunk my whole life. On the other hand, I worry about preparing lessons for class -are they clear enough some student isn't going to pick them apart after the exam. Are they tough enough to stand up to the standards of the department and not send unqualified students to higher level courses and programs? Am I being fair to the students? Like I've said before, I push myself and deprive myself of sleep to get the best results and make myself nauseous for most of the semester and get a stress related reaction similar to mono or the mumps. I know intellectually that other instructors don't worry about all these things and I should not either. I go into the semester thinking I am not going to get carried away with worry or time investment. I even get notes from other instructors to use and I have to heavily modify them so they are good. When a students complains or a colleague, I tell myself it happens to everyone and it is not worth worrying about, that some people will confront me because they think they can intimidate me so I have to ignore it, but it torments me anyways and my thinking changes to make it my fault and something I need to fix It is something very deep in my brain or even brain stem causing all of this. I wonder if it is PTSD, Asperger's syndrome, OCD or general and social anxiety or what. I don't have health insurance since I cannot work full time, so trying to sort it out with a psychiatrist or counselor is not possible. I even fear talking to doctors or psychiatrists because I fear they will not know what they are doing, try to rush me through and want me to come back over and over and/or will become domineering.

[Gladys]

Dear Hanginon,

I remember when my first week at university. The Dean came and gave the freshers a talk. His hands were shaking and I recall thinking about how nervous he was.

The thing is, it's unlikely that he was a Dean without being a Lecturer first, and proving himself in a work capacity teaching.

I decided not to continue at university because of my anxiety (the thought of presentations and actually doing them was too much for me to consider). Obviously that coloured everything I've done in life since, as it will with you if you decide that you can't face teaching.

I'm not ignoring everything you write about being an issue for you, but the fact is that you will be responsible for your ability to continue in school or not.

If you have no physical causes for your distress, you will need to take your anxiety into your own hands, in order to deal with it. I, like you want there to be a quick fix, though I know there isn't one. If you were financially sound enough to find external treatments, the onus would still be on you to help yourself. Any given method requires you to work with it.

I found the Depression Forum's thread 'I Beat Anxiety' uplifting. It's content is self - explanatory, and it's posters will relate to you in some way.

I wish you the best, because what you have is worth so much in terms of being able to teach. Having said that, I know anxiety can blind us to what is good when we only see the bad in it.

Best wishes



Gladys

[fallingthin]

Yes. I also have these problems. Sometimes I rehearse lines I might have to say to avoid stuttering or long pauses. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't.

[hangingon]

Gladys,
I feel like I have done so much and failed to overcome it that it must be a physical limitation. Either I get stressed out very easy or I have been doing a job that is just not suited to my personality for the past 20 years. I know there are a lot of people in science who feel ripped off because they were pushed by faculty to stay with it, not to help the students, but to help the faculty. Getting a Ph.D. in science is only for someone who has no problem giving up everything for their job, not for everyone who likes science. I had a professor tell me he believed everyone should get a Ph.D. in their field. These professors all live in fantasy worlds about what such a degree is actually worth, if you are not obsessed with your field, getting a Ph.D. can damage your career. Most professors will get angry or condescending if you suggest that doing things differently than they did might be best for you. I think most of them are control freaks, that is why they became professors, not to help people, but to feel in charge. It also makes it miserable working with these people.

[Gladys]

Dear hanginon,

I accept you have done all you can to conquer your fears. I don't know if you've ever taken time out for yourself, but you have you'll know that anxiety can be a cylical thing. You stress so you stop your stressor. When you've had a rest, you go back to the stress, until it builds up and stresses you out again. Then you take a rest, etc.

If you been there, that is have rested, and then gone back into the situation you find stressful, you have a number of choices. You can either work with the stress to overcome it. You may decide, however, that you don't want to face it. I don't blame you for that. Life is not just about physical existence, but it's quality. If you don't have that or have the circumstances to discover it in your present position, then you have to find it.

I assume you have a passion for teaching (and whether you can believe it or not, great capabilities in the academic world). I have found that my bouts of anxiety are diminished when I do something I have a passion for. Therefore, if I were you I would use my teaching qualification to my advantage. I would become a supply teacher and work for an agency (I live in the UK) to enable a certain amount of flexibility in my life. However, if teaching was no longer a field I wished to work in, I would see what else I was qualified to do. For example, if I taught school in the UK, I would also be qualified for a career with the Probation Service.

You say that the job is not suited to your personality. Still, you've done the job for twenty years, so I can't help thinking you're a very good teacher who is in that horrible limbo of experiencing anxiety, that only you can recognise.

The thing is, your coping mechanisms for anxiety may be your downfall. You could lose your job through drink and it's effects (do you know how many people who have drink problems also have mental health issues?) It's not just drink. Anxiety can successfully mask your capabilties; to you, and pull your self - esteem even lower. It can also present the wrong impression to other people, so maybe you need an out before the job gets you out.

What I've written is quite serious, and I'm not proud of myself for telling you to leave your job. However, I know that you could be content with yourself and other people elsewhere.

I'm also thinking that this site maybe just a place for you to vent your anxious feelings, but continue in that negative safety so many people live in. I don't mind you doing that. I think the Anxiety Forum is for helping us cope with our everyday lives, in order to make changes or not.

Best wishes



Gladys

[hangingon]

I know there is wisdom in what you say, I hope I can apply it. I should probably clarify some things. The truth is I have only been teaching for five years, the other 15 were spent in university and post-doctoral lab bench research. I had barely any training in teaching until I got my first teaching job. I might have the passion for it if I haven't been working 80 hours a week, putting on 20 lbs a year and feeling like I have the flu or mono half the time. I rarely drink alcohol. It has helped with public speaking the times I have drank before-hand, but 90% of the time I need my brain and concentration at full-power, so drinking is out of the question. For the most part, I use heavy doses of caffeine and sugar to keep me awake and focused working 80 hours a week while feeling like I have the flu.

There are probably ways of managing my time by being a less effective teacher...it doesn't seem to matter anyways, since I am supposed to keep a C average in the class no mater how much I help them. I have professors get upset at me because I pay attention to problem areas or unclear instructions. I am supposed to leave the problem areas alone and see which students can figure it out on their own...the less clear you make the instructions, the easier it is to weed students out. You aren't supposed to write lab instructions on the board, you are supposed to just rattle them off quickly and see which students can remember them. And you *definitely* do not want to be seen as easier than other professors in the department. If the students can't hack it, then they should drop.

I don't know, maybe this tough teaching philosophy is for the best, but I do not enjoy doing it. I know it is not this way in all university departments, but most chemistry professors tend to be like this. Right now I am quite heavy in weight and I really doubt I can put up with the fatigue of losing weight while trying to deal with time-management being tough on people which stresses me out as much as my obsessiveness with teaching class really well. The only time I have ever lost weight consistently (over 10 lbs without it going back on) is when I am not teaching or taking classes, because both of these are so open-ended...it is very easy to use up all your time to do better. The problem I have with time management is that I always feel very depressed and anxious that I am not being fair to my students and making them unhappy, that I am not doing things that I should be and it is going to cause me a lot of trouble. I get very depressed and anxious when students are unhappy, or even thinking about it, even though I know it doesn't bother other professors that much.

I can intellectually know other teachers manage their time and do not freak out over it, but I still have this nagging in the back of my mind that drains me and makes me nauseated. I do appreciate your advice and know there is helpful information in what you've said and will try to digest it. I just don't think I can be happy at a job where you are expected to make your job your life and top priority, when there is so much you hate about it. I know I could eventually overcome the big problems I have with teaching, to the point of making it managable, but I don't know if I would enjoy it then and I am worried I will become a lot heavier and more emotionally frayed in the years that it takes. I have not found it enjoyable the last five years.

Honestly, I got into teaching because I didn't see any other option. No one else was hiring and my debt was becoming unmanagable on my post-doc income. I probably should have just stayed at my post-doc and learned to live on a shoe-string budget, but I felt unhappy even then (though not nearly as unhappy as when I was teaching) and spent a lot of money entertaining myself. I have a horrible time making decisions and sticking to them and it all seems like such a tangled puzzle, but I keep trying to solve it.

[Gladys]

Dear hangingon,

It sounds as if you're a good teacher, who's acutely aware of themselves and of others needs. Unfortunately, policy, procedure and your peers don't seem to agree with your thinking. I think if a student needs to study what is a problem area for them, they need to be made aware of that issue, then go and study that problem for themselves. I know that's not an ideal for you, but you do need to learn to be selfish. That's not always a bad thing.

You say you're indecisive. How can you not be when you seem to see the right in so many viewpoints; the students', school policy, your own way of working and what other staff members are telling you? It seems to me that to save yourself, you need to agree with school policy somewhat.

As for dealing with the symptoms of anxiety, I believe it's all down to our attitude. You, like me, don't seem to be highly motivated in the area of coping with anxiety (I just want it to go away). With this in mind, I asked someone else to take a look at 'How I Beat Anxiety' on the Depression Forum. It's not just the method they used to deal with their anxiety, but the mindset behind it they explain in a more articulate way than I ever could.

Best wishes



Gladys

[hangingon]

I read what Anonymous13 wrote. The problem is that I do what he says and I still get very ill, like the flu, partially from stress & partially from sleep deprivation. Jimmy Page used to have the same problem when he started going on the road when he was around 20. He quit living on the road and became a studio musician for about 7 years, before going back on the road. He was amazingly successful after this,of course (Led Zeppelin), but also became an alcoholic and heroin addict. So, I think he might have been better off staying a studio musician.

[Gladys]

Dear hangingon,

Using Jimmy Page is an interesting analogy. Are you thinking that if you take a break from your teaching role and responsibilities, you could come back stronger. Well, that's possible. The trouble with human beings is we're all so different in our responses to situations. You may take a break, like it, so decide to stay away from your stressful environment at school.

So you can't quite relate to anonymous13, because of how facing the anxiety makes you feel. Remember he was like you once, in that he didn't want to face his feelings.

However, you've had a reply from forewells. He works for himself, so unlike you, he doesn't work within any stucture except for the one that he creates for himself. He has motivation, and it comes from him. I often read his posts and wonder if he realises how well he's doing on the work front.

I think I'm saying don't put yourself in my situation if you can help it. If you do, then, like me you'll be afraid always.

Best wishes



Gladys

[hangingon]

I do face my feelings. I just get sick from them. There have been countless mornings, afternoons and late nights (100's) over the last five years where I felt like hiding under my bed, but I got ready, went to work and did the best job I could 70-80 hours a week no matter how anxious, depressed or ill I felt, because there was no one to replace me. And it seems that the more times I get strung out, the worse I am the next time. Part of that may be the weight I have put on and part of it may be getting older. A lot of it is not wanting to be second-rate like most of the professors I've worked with and feeling too much guilt about not doing what other people want. I'm not sure I'm ready to accept the advice of a 21 year old (Anonymous13) on dealing with the stress of a highly demanding job and having no time for family and friends. I think what I was getting at with the Jimmy Page analogy is not that I can come back to teaching stronger, since I never really liked it, but just know when to get out of something that keeps driving a person crazy. Jimmy Page got out of touring, but when he went back, he didn't get violently ill, but ended up dealing with the stress with drugs and alcohol. I think being healthy and attractive is more important to me than a teaching career and as I enter my 40's, I don't have a lot of time to waste. The worst thing is, every semester I can't overcome the bazillion issues I face each semester, I end up putting on 15-20 lbs. So that is the main reason I am walking away.

My goal in life is simple: be healthy, attractive, have time for a social life and activities, and be able to support myself and have health insurance. I don't want or need a marriage, kids, or job with any deep value, just a job that ends every week after 40-50 hours and doesn't bore me to tears. It has actually taken me many years to come up with that "wish" in words. My professors told me I could get a job like that after my Ph.D., but I think they were just business men looking out for their own interests. No one wants to hire a Ph.D. anymore except for college teaching. I wish I could expunge my Ph.D. from my resume and fill the time in with practical real-job experience.

[Gladys]

Dear hangingon,

You mean you're walking away from your job? I know I said that you needed to find your quality of life and I won't go back on that, but that's a massive decision. You're probably thinking it isn't such a big decision now you've taken it, but have you thought about what you're going to do? You don't like being without money and if you have money saved up, it won't last long.

You said you have problems making decisions. I'm not seeing that, if you've decided to leave your job. Having written that, I know you said you've been trying to make that decision for years. Still, you do need to be able to look to something before you leave work. It's too easy to walk away.

I'm not saying don't leave that job. It's been killing you and after making the decision to leave it, you sound so much stronger. You just need to know that this isn't part of the panic we feel with anxiety, which is to leave the thing or things that make us anxious.

I know you said you didn't like teaching and you know I said you're a good teacher. So I know whatever you choose to do, you'll do well in.

Best wishes



Gladys

[Gladys]

Dear Kevin,

You're right, if you want something, you need to get it.

I believe you're thinking I may be being overly cautious for hangingon, and you're right.

It seems to me, that two types of attitude stand out that experience anxiety. There are people who are like me, and will leave an anxious situation, with no thought for where that will lead them. I live my life as anxiety dictates.

Then there's you. You live your life in spite of anxiety. You're strong.

I don't know which personality hangingon is. Though we can't know what the future will bring us, we can decide to be one or the other personality in meeting it.

Best wishes



Gladys

[hangingon]

I walked away from my job two years ago. I have been doing part-time teaching or teaching assistant gigs for the past two years. That would be fine except for the $700/month loan payments. Poor or stressed seem to be the two options for most people today. I would choose stressed over poor if it were my choice, but stressed is deadly for me. I quit my job because I would be taking the long dirt nap by now if I hadn't. It was like I had mono and the mumps combined second and third year.

[Gladys]

Dear hangingon,

I understand what you're saying; that you'd choose stress over poor if you had the choice. I feel the same about myself.

I can't help feeling I've dug myself into a deeper hole by leaving what was stressful for me, but like you, I felt I had no choice.

However, there is something you have that I don't, which is you still have your toes (feet even) dipped in the working world. I like to hope that one day you'll find a job that makes both you and your bank balance happy.

Best wishes



Gladys

[hypnotherapylondonclinic]

Hey Mr.M
I love what your doing, by that I mean choosing to work in a restaurant every night. What better way and place to practise dealing with your social anxiety. It has everything you need, having to meet new people, having to talk first, unexpected questions, angry reactions, explaining something while all attention is on you, confusion and everything else you could be possibly be anxious about. I hope you are still working there?

I have worked with a international TV presenter who felt this way for every broadcast she did. She had done thousands each one a dreadful experience for her. She had always felt uncomfortable with the spotlight on her, every since she could remember. Yet here she was broadcasting 3 times a day,under the spotlight and hating it. It was very brave of her to try to place herself in situations that would bring on her anxiety, maybe by choosing the most incredibly obvious way for her to be in the spotlight was her way to rid herself of her anxiety. Even though she was brave she still missed out on lots of promotions because she hated the thought of being in the spotlight.

Its very brave of you too, pmjk.robinson. You have placed yourself in a very dangerous place for you not just once but over and over again.

There is just one thing you could do. Create a new relationship as to why you are working at the restaurant. Tell yourself you are working there because you want to get rid of this anxiety. Start to notice when and where you don't have the anxiety, because that's where you are getting it right. Working in the restaurant, you are surrounded by reasons to pull back and escape, use them, remind yourself why you have chosen to be there. Is because you want to be free of this and that you are freeing your self right now

Be bold and don't waste the possibility of practising in the best place in the world to get rid of social anxiety.

[hangingon]

The other problem with teaching chemistry is that most of the professors in that subject see it as "weed out" classes, irregardless of the student's actual major. The rationale is that there will be pre-meds and nurses in chemistry classes, so it is the professor's obligation to make it amongst the hardest classes. The thing that puzzles me is that most of what students learn in these classes will never actually be used by doctors and nurses and half of the class are in majors like forestry. Chemistry professors are not really teachers, most of them will fly through the material in incomprehensible lectures, leaving out most of the material for the students to learn themselves. According to the professors, this is because they "need to learn to think and learn for themselves". So, what really is the point of the professor? Apparently, it is not to teach or help students, but to pick out the textbook, gives exams and motivate students to teach themselves, but not to actually help anyone to learn chemistry, because that would be "holding their hand." I've heard some chemistry professors joke that students pay chemistry professors to make them miserable. However, I have found that no one ever tells the students any of this, and if you do, they will give you very bad reviews, which could make you lose tenure. So, it was not my intention to get into a field where I was making half the people I encounter miserable and deal with regular confrontations with them. It was not my intention to choose a field where I learn to have to learn all kinds of mind games to manipulate students into thinking I'm a great guy and its all their fault, so I don't get complaints for teaching a subject with the lowest average GPA in universities. I understand the need for regulating who gets into professional schools, but the hours are horrendous, most of the professors have pent up hostility and it is a lonely, depressing job for me. Oddly, a lot of the professors I worked with enjoy the manipulation, confrontation and the power of keeping most people from passing. I remember one of them liked to say "torturing students is fun!"

[Gladys]

Dear hangingon,

Any professor who believed that torturing students could be fun has got to have something of a psychopathic personality. They would enjoy the power structure of professor vs. student. They would enjoy hurting students even at a higher level, because they demand a way of teaching that caters for certain students; leaving students to find their own way to a large degree. They must know that people learn in different ways, and should be taught with different methods too.

I'd be interested what someone who was also in the field of teaching thought.

[hangingon]

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) from Wikipedia:
The narcissist is described as being excessively preoccupied with issues of personal adequacy, power, prestige and vanity. Narcissistic personality disorder is closely linked to self-centeredness.

To the extent that people are pathologically narcissistic, they can be controlling, blaming, self-absorbed, intolerant of others’ views, unaware of others' needs and of the effects of their behavior on others, and insistent that others see them as they wish to be seen.
People who are overly narcissistic commonly feel rejected, humiliated and threatened when criticised. To protect themselves from these dangers, they often react with disdain, rage, and/or defiance to any slight criticism, real or imagined. To avoid such situations, some narcissistic people withdraw socially and may feign modesty or humility. In cases where the narcissistic personality-disordered individual feels a lack of admiration, adulation, attention and affirmation, he/she may also manifest wishes to be feared and to be notorious (narcissistic supply).
Although individuals with NPD are often ambitious and capable, the inability to tolerate setbacks, disagreements or criticism, along with lack of empathy, make it difficult for such individuals to work cooperatively with others or to maintain long-term professional achievements. With narcissistic personality disorder, the individual's self-perceived fantastic grandiosity, often coupled with a hypomanic mood, is typically not commensurate with his or her real accomplishments.

[Anxiety beater]

Hi Mr M - I've had this problem many times and have had some horrific panic attacks in work situations - sometimes just being in a meeting and having to introduce myself! Trouble is, once this starts, you start to anticipate the anxiety and then it's not the situation itself, it's your feelings of panic that you're fearing, so you get into a vicious cycle. One of the most powerful things you can do, although it seems counter-intuitive, is not to fight the feelings of anxiety - try just accepting them, rather than fighting them, and they'll much more quickly subside. Remember that at the end of the day, they're just feelings - they're unpleasant, but not ultimately harmful (they're actually your body's natural defense system, designed to protect you, but you've somehow become programmed so that they arise in situations that don't really warrant that level of anxiety). Remember - we always empower what we resist - try accepting your anxiety as this will help to loosen its power over you. Oh yes - and learning how to breathe properly - check out how to do 'abdominal' breathing, it's a really effective way to relax.

[Cf3001]

Hi there, I just signed up to this forum - what a great way for sufferers to share info!

So I've been suffering from I guess you would call a mild generalised anxiety for years now which is mainly chronic worrying and a bit of social anxiety (that's what my psychologist says). I'm working on techniques to reduce my worry however what I really need help with is the following.....

I have a real fear of being 'put on the spot'. Now to define this I mean situations like Interviews, dealing with authority figures, public speaking etc and especially a fear of confrontation. I have abnormal reactions to these situations especially if I'm not familiar with the people involved. My adrenalin starts pumping, my heart thumps, my face gets flushed, I start breathing heavier and I start gulping which actually makes it physically hard to get any words out. Basically a panic attack! And so obviously I live in fear of being 'put on the spot' everyday.

I work in a restaurant every night so I'm constantly exposed to these situations but I can't seem to get comfortable with them.

Does anyone suffer from this? What sort of treatment is beneficial? This anxiety feels like its ruling my like at the moment. Any advice would be much appreciated!

Hi there,

Looks like it's been a few years since this post. I was following up to see how you're doing with the whole anxiety. I'm actually on the same boat, when being put on the spot. I wanted to see if you wouldn't mind sharing any techniques that have helped you overcome your anxiety.

Thank you

[Prince Romeo]

Hi there, I just signed up to this forum - what a great way for sufferers to share info!

So I've been suffering from I guess you would call a mild generalised anxiety for years now which is mainly chronic worrying and a bit of social anxiety (that's what my psychologist says). I'm working on techniques to reduce my worry however what I really need help with is the following.....

I have a real fear of being 'put on the spot'. Now to define this I mean situations like Interviews, dealing with authority figures, public speaking etc and especially a fear of confrontation. I have abnormal reactions to these situations especially if I'm not familiar with the people involved. My adrenalin starts pumping, my heart thumps, my face gets flushed, I start breathing heavier and I start gulping which actually makes it physically hard to get any words out. Basically a panic attack! And so obviously I live in fear of being 'put on the spot' everyday.

I work in a restaurant every night so I'm constantly exposed to these situations but I can't seem to get comfortable with them.

Does anyone suffer from this? What sort of treatment is beneficial? This anxiety feels like its ruling my like at the moment. Any advice would be much appreciated!

Yeah, I definitely hate being put on the spot. It's an awful feeling. Getting all that attention. It's too much for me to handle. My way of dealing with it wouldn't really be considered as being helpful though. But I either get drunk or just shut down. Sometimes I have to avoid the situation altogether. That is how I deal with it. Again, not helpful. But it does get me through it!

-P.S. Cayman

[Halli]

I know this feeling very well. Also I could tell someone I'm really passionate about something and as soon as they ask me a question on it I go blank. I could give a whole presentation at college (well bumble through it and sweat and shake) I would know it inside out and yet as soon as anyone asked me a question on it I with just go blank and die inside.