need reassurance

[jord0410]

hey guys, i suffer anxiety, had ocd, had depersonilization, depression, derealization. and i sorta jus let it be there and i can now bear it, but my anxiety was bad with a fear of schizophrenia and i smoked cannabis for like 2 years. from 17-19 and i no all symptoms of it and so on so forth. i have been ok lately anxious wise but earlier at work i was thinking i wana drive the van around to where we was working (i have no licence but enjoy any driving) and then like straight after my boss asked me to bring the van around, nd this freaked me out as i no delusions are part of schiz and one of them is believing people can read ur mind. i no this is irrational, but i cnt stop thinking about it and my anxiety or ocd is tryna convince me im becoming schizo, ughh i cnt explain it how i feel its horrible and i feel weird around people now... i wish he never asked me as its made all these bad feelings come back..

thanks

jord

[jord0410]

i feel weird around people becuase i fear that i may start to think and believe its possible... its horrrrible...

[jord0410]

could my anxiety possibly be social anxiety too?

[acasey]

hi, i seen your post and had to reply. i also had the fear of schizo. it's a very common fear with anxiety. ill explain the difference btw the anxiety and schizo.with anxiety you were thinking about wanting to drive the van, so when your boss asked you, you thouhgt "oh no what if i start believing that my boss read my mind". now, if you were schizo you would had thought "oh no, now my boss can read my mind, i better start watching what i think about". if you were schizo, you would not think that thinking your boss can read your mind is strange. does that makes sense? anxiety is all about the "what if". just because you worry that you may start to believe this or that, that shows right there that you know that is an irrational thought. if you were schizo you would not think it was irrational. i know how horrible that fear can be. your mind plays all kinds of tricks on you. whenever i start getting that fear again i remind myself that if i were schizo, i would not know the thoughts are irrational. it also helps to think that people who are schizo, are no different then you or I. they are not dangerous people, and not all are completly crazy. there are medications to treat schizo. so even if you did develope it you could get proper treatment and live a normal life. thats what i always remind myself. but trust me, it's all anxiety. whenever you start thinking about it. "tell yourself "here i go with that irrational thought again", or "here's my anxiety trying to trick me". hope this helped :)