fluttershy
06-12-2011, 07:17 PM
My psychiatrist and psychologist have both told me that I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, but it's been a little difficult for me to wrap my head around this diagnosis because I've never heard of anyone with my symptoms. I know I'm definitely messed up in the head somehow. Despite being crazy smart and beautiful, I find even the smallest tasks so utterly exhausting that I've made failure my friend and withdrawn from the world. I always figured I was just lazy, but even when I try really really hard and put all my soul into succeeding ( 'success' defined here as the daily activities that my superhuman peers make look so easy: getting up in the morning, taking a shower, going to school, asking for food in the cafeteria, spending time with friends after school, watching television, doing homework, eating dinner with my family, and waiting until nighttime to sleep) I'm miserable, my mind goes completely blank, and I end up suffering a complete emotional breakdown within a week. So I'm pretty confident that I'm not just making excuses for myself. I mean, it really shouldn't be that hard for a teenage girl to check facebook.
But somethings don't mesh. When I encounter a stressful situation - like having to make a phone call or write an essay on a public computer - I don't have a panic attack. Instead, my brain fogs over. I start crying, but I stop thinking all together - no ruminating for me! - and then I get really tired. Everything is just so overwhelming. Flirting with a boy makes me sleepy. Eating dinner with my family makes me cry. If my phone rings in the afternoon, I ignore it and go back to sleep. I didn't even care that I got kicked out of college 'for mental health reasons', because the only thing on my mind was getting comfy in my blankets. The past five months have been nothing but doctors, tears, and cozy, cozy comforters.
The crying seems pretty obvious, although it's pretty silly to cry because I got a test question wrong. Especially when I'm in college, and I'm still in class. The sleep is weirder. My psychologist claims the fatigue is something of a coping mechanism, and that I can still have anxiety even if it doesn't seem like there's a thought in my head. That makes some kind of sense, but it's weird that my sister has an anxiety disorder and her symptoms are completely different than mine. She, like everybody else, has panic attacks and racing thoughts and insomnia from worrying so much. I've googled around, but I can't seem to find anything relevant to a case like mine. And so...
Scream team, I choose you! Post a link, share your story, tell me my doctors are idiots, whatever! I DEMAND INFORMATION. iluthx <3
But somethings don't mesh. When I encounter a stressful situation - like having to make a phone call or write an essay on a public computer - I don't have a panic attack. Instead, my brain fogs over. I start crying, but I stop thinking all together - no ruminating for me! - and then I get really tired. Everything is just so overwhelming. Flirting with a boy makes me sleepy. Eating dinner with my family makes me cry. If my phone rings in the afternoon, I ignore it and go back to sleep. I didn't even care that I got kicked out of college 'for mental health reasons', because the only thing on my mind was getting comfy in my blankets. The past five months have been nothing but doctors, tears, and cozy, cozy comforters.
The crying seems pretty obvious, although it's pretty silly to cry because I got a test question wrong. Especially when I'm in college, and I'm still in class. The sleep is weirder. My psychologist claims the fatigue is something of a coping mechanism, and that I can still have anxiety even if it doesn't seem like there's a thought in my head. That makes some kind of sense, but it's weird that my sister has an anxiety disorder and her symptoms are completely different than mine. She, like everybody else, has panic attacks and racing thoughts and insomnia from worrying so much. I've googled around, but I can't seem to find anything relevant to a case like mine. And so...
Scream team, I choose you! Post a link, share your story, tell me my doctors are idiots, whatever! I DEMAND INFORMATION. iluthx <3