Anxiety?

[jim95]

I've had terrible social anxiety and constant anxiety since around 5th grade or so, (It seems to stick out in my mind as the time period when it started) and have battled with it untill now.(20 years later) Through out this period, some years would be good and some years would be worse but it was always present. 3 years ago or so it seemed to be almost diminished untill I broke up with a serious girlfriend that was seeing someone else and causing be horrible drama. I would drink quite frequently and when I would smoke weed it would seem to calm me down and things got alot better untill I had a terrible anxiety attack ( I think?) one night when I was high because someone had told me that the weed we just smoked was possibly laced. (It wasnt because the other people didnt have any problems with it just me) Ever since that day I dwelled on the possibility that I permantly damaged my brain and I was going to end up in a mental hospital. I havnt smoked and weed for a year and a half now but I still seem to have a constant feeling of intense fear that causing anxiety attacks through out the day. Sometimes I dont know who I am and dont recognize people and things and that causes more panic attacks. I went to the doctor and he told me I had General anxiety disorder and said anti depressants would help but I refused to take them thinking they would chemically screw me up even more. Sometimes I dont recognize my own voice and normal everyday things look different and music doesnt sound like music as I would normaly recognize it but just noise? Sometimes my thoughts dont feel like my own and everything scares the hell out of me to the point where I feel like Im going out of my mind and everybody will witness it and they will put me in a mental hospital and if I ever get out, nobody will want to be around me anymore. Also, when theses feelings get worse I think theres no way out and these scary thoughts associated with it give me more panic attacks. These thoughts have caused me to research schizophrenia and bipolar disorders I beleive i might be reaching insanity which causes more anxiety!?? When I get in these modes I thing morbid thoughts and am afraid I will hurt somebody and whats stopping me from doing so. My question is, has anybody ever felt like this and can anxiety cause all this crazy, irrational thinking?

[acasey]

i have heard about alot of people smoking pot and having the same reaction. the pot did not do damage to your brain in anyway, laced or not. all the weed did was cause you to panic, and you have not let the panic go. i have felt everything you said here. have you heard of the term depersonalization? its a very common symptom of high anxiety. and thats where all these feelings are coming from.do a search on youtube. let me start by saying you ARE NOT going insane.if you were gong insane you would not know it, you would think that the strange thoughts and your preception on everything is normal. the fact that you know its not normal menas you are not insan.e i put myself through so much crap over these same thoughts. i was sure i was losing it. i spent hours online reading about, schizophrenia, bipolar,and multiple personalities. to the point that i would actually believe i was having symptoms i wasn't. the scary thoughts are the worst. and in fact that is whats keeping you feeling like this. i would have such strange thoughts, and i would dwell on those thoughts all day. wondering why did i have that thought, what does that thought mean about me, does this mean im crazy, only crazy people would think like this. i will tell you how i got out of the hell. first of all stay off of google! seriously! i realized that all the hours i spend researching these disorders had become alomost an addiction. i constantly had to research these things trying to reassure myself that i didnt have it, but instead it would only made me think i had it even worse. i gave my mom my computer for one week. and during that week, i replaced all the time on the computer with doing something i enjoyed. going for a walk, watching a funny show. anything to try to switch my mind to something else. I was still having strange thoughts. and everytime i did i would say to myself "i know this is anxiety causing me to think this way", and i just laughed it off. i began to realize this is actually working. i had actually made my brain realize that it really is just anxiety. and the more i did this the easier it became. then the thoughts stopped coming as often. this was a couple weeks ago and i still get these strange thoughts only A COUPLE times a day compared to all day everyday. and they leave as fast as they came. i accepted my thoughts for what they are. distorted ways of thinking caused from my anxiety. and now those thoughts are almost gone. the same thing goes for the other part. not recogonizing yourself is the scariest thing i have ever felt. but once you realize its your anxiety and nothing more, the easier it becomes to accept it. your fear is whats feeding it.continue to do what you would normally do as if these feelings were not there, you will begin to stop fearing it and it will began to fade. i went through this for about 4 months, and im finally coming out the other side. so, accept it, stop fearing, live as you normally would, and stay the hell off google. try doing something that you have to focus on, sudoko woked great for me. even now if i start to feel a little anxious i do a sudoko puzzle and completly distract myself. anyway, i hope i helped, .you will get through this, PROMISE!

[jim95]

Was the "depersonalization" constant or the feeling only come occasionally? I kind of understand that my anxiety is causing it but how do you except the unreality feeling? When I get that feeling its so f'in scary I go into instant panic attack mode and I start thinking really deeply about consiousness and where do we go when we die and shit like that because I don't recognize myself. Thats what started the whole Im going crazy thing because I know its not normal to think this way

[jim95]

I guess you kind of answered my question after re reading your post but what I mean to ask is what helped you the most to turn the corner? where did you get this idea of accepting depersonalization and actually realizing thats what it was and not a more serious mental disorder?

[acasey]

it was constant .from the second i opened my eyes in the morning, till i close them at nights. i had those same weird thoughts about consiousness and stuff. anyone who has had this anxiety symptom will tell you they had the same thoughts. i felt like i was too aware of everything. like my thoughts were to deep, i was over analyzing everything i seen or heard. does this sound like its suppose to, does this look like its suppose to. the fact that you know these thoughts are not normal says that you are not going crazy. crazy people are not in touch with reality. when you have anxiety, you are too connected to reality.over analyzing your reality and thinking about it too deeply. i like to think of it as the opposite of crazy :)

[acasey]

i looked around on forums, read peopels stories that were similar to mine. i read about people who recoverd from it. but one thing that sticks out in my mind was one night when i got on youtube and searched depersonalization. it made me realize, like wow there are tons of people that feel this way, people that felt like this and went on to reover 100%. i decided i was sick of letting it get in the way of my life. i just started doing things i stopped doing because of it. at first i had to force myself. but after awhile i started to realize, hey i actually went 2 hours without thinking about it, and realized when im not thinking about it, its not there. right then i knew i was the one causing it, i had to stop obsessing about it and move on with my life. this has only been a couple of weeks since it started to fade, and i still feel like that sometimes, but only when i tihnk about it. you are the one controling this symptom because you are focused on it. when you realize that you went 20 or 30 min without tihnking about it and it was gone, thats when you will realize , if you stop focusing on it, its not there. YOU are in control. dont go google it cause some of it may freak you out. there is other mental illness that has this symptom also, so i was convinced thats what i had, and there are peopel that have had it for a very long time. but thats because they never learned the skills they needed to get rid of it. this IS anxiety and only anxiety, nothing else .believing that is your first step. and i tihnk you truly know thats what it is, otherwise, you wouldn't had gotten on a anxiety forum. you would had gotten on a schizophrenic forum or something..... makes since huh. so some of the onfo out there is helpful, but some will cause you to freak out. so like i said stay off google. get on youtube :)

[Schatmeisje]

Oh i really agree with you acasey, i think google can sometimes be the devil, the more i read, the more i think i am crazy, even though i know its anxiety. All we can so is learn to accept what is happening and therefore decrease the anxiety..but in saying that.ts soooo hard to do.

[acasey]

o yes, it's VERY hard to do. i just got so sick of trying to "fight" my anxiety. once i stopped fighting and started accepting, my life became so much better. anxiety is a life long battle. i dont think anyone can actually be cured of anxiety. i think people learn the skills they need to keep in under control and not let it stand in the way. but learning to accept and learning those coping skills takes alot of hard work, and it does not happen overnight.

[jar4u]

Hi Jim95,

Your are indeed suffering from high anxiety, And all the irrational thoughts, symptoms & sensations are caused by nothing but the anxiety disorder...Stop researching your condition too much...Cause the more you learn about it...the more your brain will make it real for you...And don't fight the thoughts...and the anxiety...accept that you have it...and slowly your body and mind will learn to calm down and relax...Also when you start to get into the panic cycle...dont get scared of it...But simply challenge it and ask for more of the sensation and symptoms...Immediately all your sensations will be gone...This is the only way to stop or avoid an anxiety attack and it works 100%...

Stop fearing the fake fear...U r perfectly well...If u have any doubt..clear it with some medical tests and start to learn new habits and thoughts...U r fine and U can only get better:):)

[jim95]

well thanks guys, its a good start. Sometimes it seems so intense and I feel like somebody else and not myself that it gets really scary and I naturally fight it thinking if I dont then I will undoubtably slip off into insanity. You are right about one thing, when my mind is focused else where I dont make the connections and I dont think about any of that garbage. So I would say pretty much everybody here has some residual anxiety if not full out anxiety, so where can you go to talk to people who have gotten a hold of themselves and dont suffer from this torture? I think this would be good so I know its possible to be able to let go of this unwanted thinking style? Also, I have this notion in my head that since my mom has had anxiety problems her whole life that Im damned by because of her genes to suffer to same fate forever, whats your take on that?

[jim95]

Jar4u, how do you go about challenging it? I feel that if I dont fight it then I will have a full blown panic attack that I wont be able to control, have you ever felt this way? When I was a kid I did have a moment where I had such a bad panic attack I freaked out crying and what not so Im afraid this might happen again..................

[jim95]

So kev, have you ever dealt with the feeling of nothingness, or not recognizing yourself or what people refer to as depersonalization? How did you feel at your worst symptoms? I have a million thoughts going through my head at once, old memories, overanalying every thought, concerns and they all seem to be coliding with each other to the point where I can seperate them, how is this related to anxiety?

[acasey]

i know what you mean about feeling you will slip off into insanity. I have felt that many times, but its not physically possible. Iv been recommending this site to alot of people. i just think its great. i hope im even aloud to post about other websites on here. but anyway its called anxietycentre.com. it cost nine dollars to join. explains all anxiety symptoms and how to overcome them, including depersonalization. the creators of the website are people who have recovered from anxiety and you can send them questions and they actually answer. there is a forum there too with lots of people who have recovered and giving there advise. it's been a great tool for me, so iv been telling EVEYONE about it. lol. and about your mom. anxiety is not genetic. its not like its some brain disease. im guessing you have some personality traits that have lead you to your way of thinking. thats all anxiety is, how to choose to think. your mom probably has some of those personality traits also that has lead to her way of thinking, which in turn causes her anxiety. all you need are the right tools and information to change that way of thinking. you can overcome anxiety, and your mom can to, it's just that after all these years she never found the tools she need to do so.