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View Full Version : What Do You Do If Your Therapist Talks Too Much?



sixtimes
06-09-2011, 11:10 PM
I started seeing a new therapist two weeks ago. So far I've been to two sessions and I'm pretty frustrated. She's really, really nice and I feel like she's pretty competent and could help me. My problem is that she talks too much. I was trying to explain to her about my history and how I reached this point, but she kept cutting me off and asking really irrelevant questions. She also veers off into her own stories. For example, I started to tell her how I cannot drive to the appointments because of my phobia and how my cousin drives me and she interrupted and began asking questions like my cousin's name and occupation. Then she told me a little story about how she has one client (no names mentioned) who has a similar problem, but his is that he can't drive outside the bounds of the state. Another time, she veered into a story about how she could only study in a certain section of the library when she was a student when I began to say that I have these concentration problems with extreme head pain.

Every time she got off-track, I kept trying to focus her back on what I felt I needed to tell her so she could help me appropriately. The problem is that it's been 2 sessions already and I still haven't managed to tell her some very important things from my history or how I feel right now, like the fact that for a year of my life I suffered from, what I believe was, mania and every other night I would stay up writing these disturbing pieces that I couldn't remember writing in the morning. I also had a period where I clawed at my headboard in my sleep because of something I was going through. There was also a time of constant panic attacks and lost 20 pounds. Now, I have constant phobias and anxiety that complicate my life, which she only let me briefly mention before she got sidetracked. I can't seem to get her to listen to any of these important things because she's always detracting me with questions or stories of her own

She's a really great person and I know she practices a lot of alternative techniques, which could really help me. She seems really willing to help and kept throwing out different ideas at me. The problem is how to get her to hear me out. It's so frustrating to spend 45 minutes constantly trying to guide the conversation back to what you need to say because without hearing it, there's no way she can help.

Gladys
06-11-2011, 07:53 AM
Dear Sixtimes,

Kevin's right. You really need to tell your therapist how you feel.

You know, anxiety can create the most dishonest people who always ask themselves 'what if I do this' and 'what if I do that' until we're doing things we don't really want to do.

Honesty's the only way forward in this one. You'll probably worry about asserting yourself over your therapist, but you're doing her a favour. The way she treats you is probably how she relates to all of her clients (and possibly loses them) so maybe you could bring yourself to mention your concerns about her talking too much.

If I were you (and I'm assuming you find it hard to assert yourself to your therapist) I'd probably get the dreaded subject over as soon as I saw the therapist and the introductions were taking place. Basically, she says 'hello' and of course, you answer 'hello' adding 'I hope I can let you know my problems this week). She'll probably ask you if she hasn't been in the past sessions and you have your conversation... You'd let her know how valuable what she did know was to you, and people in general can't be nasty to you when you're being positive about them.

Now if I were me in your situation I'd tell her how her inability to listen to me made me wonder if our sessions were valuable for me. And give the therapist the reason why.

My reasoning behind the honesty is that it's all we really have. I'm not saying I wear my heart on my sleeve, but I'll give you my opinion. Yes, you can walk away from a situation you don't like, but isn't that the easy way out?

Brave it out and let us know what happens.

Best wishes

sixtimes
08-09-2011, 07:47 PM
Thank you everyone for all of your advice! I'm sorry I couldn't let you all know how it went earlier. I went to three more sessions with her before I left. The last session was really what helped me with my decision. In the 50 minute session, I only got to talk for 5 minutes total. She spent the time telling me these 10-15 minute each stories about things that she has done in her life that were triggered by the one or two words I got out of my mouth before I was interrupted (ie. stress about school, being afraid to try new things, feeling tired...) That was then I really decided that it was never going to work. I wish it didn't take over a month for me to figure this out, but I'm glad I got out when I did.