ImJace
06-09-2011, 02:41 PM
Let me just paint a picture for you of who I am.
I am a 27 year old guy from Utah, and I have suffered from anxiety for my entire life. It started to peak when I was in high school, and I spent the follow 10 years fighting, struggling, and being controlled by anxiety. I have finally taken the steps necessary to take control of my anxiety, rather than letting it control me.
At best I was getting by day to day. I learned to accept my anxiety and was happy to just cope with it. This got me through the years, but there was no improvement, and when things got bad, they really got bad. I was missing work, relationships suffered and I was becoming physically sick. I decided I had to do something because anxiety was winning, and my quality of life was losing.
I am a freelance filmmaker and photographer which means I work strange hours, and have lots of responsibilities to make deadlines. I was also getting many offers to travel and work in really cool places, but I always turned them down because my anxiety created irrational fears of flying, travel, and being out of my comfort zone.
I also lost the relationship of someone very close to me because my anxiety was blinding me. A few months ago I finally hit what I can only describe as rock bottom. The anxiety was at it's highest ever and depression began to sink in. I was completely lost.
That's when it happened. While laying in bed in the middle of the afternoon I told myself it was time to do something about this. Either the anxiety was going to win, or I was. For me, one of my biggest fears in life was to go to the doctor. I was scared they would find something terribly wrong with me. It doesn't help that when experiencing high levels of anxiety our bodies will physically react in many ways making it appear that something is wrong with us, when it's not.
So I said to hell with it. I called the Dr's office and set up an appointment to have my blood drawn and get a full work up, and to also talk about going on medication. I was always against medication because I'm stubborn. Then I realized if I became diabetic you can guarantee I wouldn't refuse insulin. After setting up the appointment I felt two things. Crippling fear and anxiety of what they would find, but also a faint feeling of relief that came from taking action of the situation. I fed on that small feeling.
Finally my appointment arrived. I had my blood drawn, and then talked to my Dr. about medication options. We decided that Pristiq 50mg was a good fit for me. He warned me that for the first 3 weeks the medication would actually make my anxiety worse, but knowing that prepared me. I left the Dr office with that same feeling of fear and anxiety thinking about what my blood results would be. I just knew without a shadow of a doubt they would find something seriously wrong. Then that feeling of relief returned but it was stronger this time. I could tell that taking action was having a positive effect on my situation.
I had to wait for 3 days to get my results back. As I dialed the number to the Dr office I was shaking all over. My mind was racing, and beads of sweat appeared on my body. My heart was pounding harder than ever. Someone answered and I requested my results. As she began to go down the list it was almost like a dream. She casually told me that everything checked out normal, and just like that I had the proof that I was physically healthy.
I hung up the phone and sat on my bed. I didn't know whether or not to yell for joy, or break down and cry. I sort of did both. It wasn't because the results came as good news, it was because I finally had taken a huge step in taking control of my anxiety, and faced a fear that had plagued me my whole life. 27 years led up to this moment. It was amazing.
Since then, it's been about 2 months. I now find myself living in Hawaii working on a documentary. It has become the single most amazing experience of my life. I never thought I would be able to do something like this. My anxiety isn't gone, but I am in control of it now. It feels good to say that.
I don't know if reading this has helped anyone but I hope it has. If I have once piece of advice, it's to take some time and write down your biggest fears. Whatever they are, I suggest facing as many of them as possible, no matter how impossible it seems. You can do it, I promise. Since I moved to Hawaii I started a blog of my experiences out here. http://hawaiianjace.blogspot.com/ if any of you would like to follow I would love to have you join. I don't have a ton of posts yet, so you could easily catch up with the adventure!
If anyone has any questions or comments about what they just read, send me a message. I always like hearing from people.
I am a 27 year old guy from Utah, and I have suffered from anxiety for my entire life. It started to peak when I was in high school, and I spent the follow 10 years fighting, struggling, and being controlled by anxiety. I have finally taken the steps necessary to take control of my anxiety, rather than letting it control me.
At best I was getting by day to day. I learned to accept my anxiety and was happy to just cope with it. This got me through the years, but there was no improvement, and when things got bad, they really got bad. I was missing work, relationships suffered and I was becoming physically sick. I decided I had to do something because anxiety was winning, and my quality of life was losing.
I am a freelance filmmaker and photographer which means I work strange hours, and have lots of responsibilities to make deadlines. I was also getting many offers to travel and work in really cool places, but I always turned them down because my anxiety created irrational fears of flying, travel, and being out of my comfort zone.
I also lost the relationship of someone very close to me because my anxiety was blinding me. A few months ago I finally hit what I can only describe as rock bottom. The anxiety was at it's highest ever and depression began to sink in. I was completely lost.
That's when it happened. While laying in bed in the middle of the afternoon I told myself it was time to do something about this. Either the anxiety was going to win, or I was. For me, one of my biggest fears in life was to go to the doctor. I was scared they would find something terribly wrong with me. It doesn't help that when experiencing high levels of anxiety our bodies will physically react in many ways making it appear that something is wrong with us, when it's not.
So I said to hell with it. I called the Dr's office and set up an appointment to have my blood drawn and get a full work up, and to also talk about going on medication. I was always against medication because I'm stubborn. Then I realized if I became diabetic you can guarantee I wouldn't refuse insulin. After setting up the appointment I felt two things. Crippling fear and anxiety of what they would find, but also a faint feeling of relief that came from taking action of the situation. I fed on that small feeling.
Finally my appointment arrived. I had my blood drawn, and then talked to my Dr. about medication options. We decided that Pristiq 50mg was a good fit for me. He warned me that for the first 3 weeks the medication would actually make my anxiety worse, but knowing that prepared me. I left the Dr office with that same feeling of fear and anxiety thinking about what my blood results would be. I just knew without a shadow of a doubt they would find something seriously wrong. Then that feeling of relief returned but it was stronger this time. I could tell that taking action was having a positive effect on my situation.
I had to wait for 3 days to get my results back. As I dialed the number to the Dr office I was shaking all over. My mind was racing, and beads of sweat appeared on my body. My heart was pounding harder than ever. Someone answered and I requested my results. As she began to go down the list it was almost like a dream. She casually told me that everything checked out normal, and just like that I had the proof that I was physically healthy.
I hung up the phone and sat on my bed. I didn't know whether or not to yell for joy, or break down and cry. I sort of did both. It wasn't because the results came as good news, it was because I finally had taken a huge step in taking control of my anxiety, and faced a fear that had plagued me my whole life. 27 years led up to this moment. It was amazing.
Since then, it's been about 2 months. I now find myself living in Hawaii working on a documentary. It has become the single most amazing experience of my life. I never thought I would be able to do something like this. My anxiety isn't gone, but I am in control of it now. It feels good to say that.
I don't know if reading this has helped anyone but I hope it has. If I have once piece of advice, it's to take some time and write down your biggest fears. Whatever they are, I suggest facing as many of them as possible, no matter how impossible it seems. You can do it, I promise. Since I moved to Hawaii I started a blog of my experiences out here. http://hawaiianjace.blogspot.com/ if any of you would like to follow I would love to have you join. I don't have a ton of posts yet, so you could easily catch up with the adventure!
If anyone has any questions or comments about what they just read, send me a message. I always like hearing from people.