Just... Overwhelmed

[Eva]

How do you deal with a general feeling of being totally overwhelmed?

I'm getting to the point that I don't want to go outside. I want to stay in my house, with my kids and my dog, and hide from everything.

I hate my job, but I love it at the same time. I love that its challenging, but I really don't want to go in. If I could do it from home, I'd be fine. Its the physical act of having to go there that initiates my anxiety. Once I'm there and I get started, I'm OK. But the act of getting ready to go, then driving there, and I'm a mess. Its to the point where I'm taking lorazepam an hour before I need to go just so I don't spend 20 minutes in a heavy sweat before I have to leave!

I used to love my job. Then I got a promotion into a (to me) high stress level position. That triggered my anxiety. More people depend on me to do a good job. People are constantly needing something from me. I think this is just too much for me, I have a high-needs child (5 1/2 year old with Asperger's), and my Dad is very sick, my Mom is a mess... And now my husband has turned into a very needy guy, lol! I'm not always sure where to turn for advice, because I feel silly being anxious all the time.

My therapist thinks that my anxiety leads to a fear of dying, but that's not quite right. It's more of the world is just crushing me, and I'm fighting so hard to not be lost in it - but at the same time, I wish everything would leave me the hell alone! I want to get up, and clean, but just looking at what needs to be done overwhelms me.

And I'm generally a happy, fairly sociable person, but I don't want to leave the house?? I have the need to talk to people, but I have an intense fear that they're all talking about me behind my back. Making fun of me. It doesn't help that I've actually HEARD people I though were 'friends' doing this (work friends). I'm a 'weirdo'. I don't do anything right. I'm the one with a kid who is ASD. I overshare because I want to make friends, and I was never taught how to do it properly.

To top it off, I desperately want to help my son with his social skills, but I can't join a playgroup because of my social anxiety. I hate that I feel like an awkward teen still. I should be able to be a good example for my kids, not a neurotic mess.

My biggest fear is turning into my Mother. And crying at the drop of a dime over something stupid and trivial. I know this is all genetic (my mom suffers from depression and anxiety, my Dad suffers from anxiety, my Grandfather had depression, Tourettes and Lord knows what else). And I know I recognized it so that when I became an issue I sought help. That's a step in the right direction, right??

So sorry to ramble. I haven't really had anyone to talk to. My husband doesn't understand. My BFF tries to. I hate anxiety!!

[TracyM65]

Hello
just joined and read your message first, its weird as its almost like your message was about me. I wish I could say something clever etc to make you feel better but cannot. I just wanted you to know I feel for you, its so hard feeling the way you do. For me its been coming on slowely, been down the pills route etc but after a very hard house buy and the grief of trying to get osn into new school plus marriage problems its all to much.
Have you thought about going to the doctors? I am trying to get an appointment for the doctor who has delat with my depression in the past but no appointments with her until the end of the month.
Good luck, I hope things go ok for you.

[Anxi]

You have a lot on your plate. I can clearly see why you are stressed and anxious. Very hard not to be. I understand how you can feel that way. Giving voice to your feelings is a good start in the right direction. I wish I had something more useful to add or advise to give.

[pawsupinthedark]

i related to so many of the things that you said and you worded them in a way i never could manage to, i have nothing to say to you except i wish i could hug you xxx