Eva
06-08-2011, 07:48 AM
How do you deal with a general feeling of being totally overwhelmed?
I'm getting to the point that I don't want to go outside. I want to stay in my house, with my kids and my dog, and hide from everything.
I hate my job, but I love it at the same time. I love that its challenging, but I really don't want to go in. If I could do it from home, I'd be fine. Its the physical act of having to go there that initiates my anxiety. Once I'm there and I get started, I'm OK. But the act of getting ready to go, then driving there, and I'm a mess. Its to the point where I'm taking lorazepam an hour before I need to go just so I don't spend 20 minutes in a heavy sweat before I have to leave!
I used to love my job. Then I got a promotion into a (to me) high stress level position. That triggered my anxiety. More people depend on me to do a good job. People are constantly needing something from me. I think this is just too much for me, I have a high-needs child (5 1/2 year old with Asperger's), and my Dad is very sick, my Mom is a mess... And now my husband has turned into a very needy guy, lol! I'm not always sure where to turn for advice, because I feel silly being anxious all the time.
My therapist thinks that my anxiety leads to a fear of dying, but that's not quite right. It's more of the world is just crushing me, and I'm fighting so hard to not be lost in it - but at the same time, I wish everything would leave me the hell alone! I want to get up, and clean, but just looking at what needs to be done overwhelms me.
And I'm generally a happy, fairly sociable person, but I don't want to leave the house?? I have the need to talk to people, but I have an intense fear that they're all talking about me behind my back. Making fun of me. It doesn't help that I've actually HEARD people I though were 'friends' doing this (work friends). I'm a 'weirdo'. I don't do anything right. I'm the one with a kid who is ASD. I overshare because I want to make friends, and I was never taught how to do it properly.
To top it off, I desperately want to help my son with his social skills, but I can't join a playgroup because of my social anxiety. I hate that I feel like an awkward teen still. I should be able to be a good example for my kids, not a neurotic mess.
My biggest fear is turning into my Mother. And crying at the drop of a dime over something stupid and trivial. I know this is all genetic (my mom suffers from depression and anxiety, my Dad suffers from anxiety, my Grandfather had depression, Tourettes and Lord knows what else). And I know I recognized it so that when I became an issue I sought help. That's a step in the right direction, right??
So sorry to ramble. I haven't really had anyone to talk to. My husband doesn't understand. My BFF tries to. I hate anxiety!!
I'm getting to the point that I don't want to go outside. I want to stay in my house, with my kids and my dog, and hide from everything.
I hate my job, but I love it at the same time. I love that its challenging, but I really don't want to go in. If I could do it from home, I'd be fine. Its the physical act of having to go there that initiates my anxiety. Once I'm there and I get started, I'm OK. But the act of getting ready to go, then driving there, and I'm a mess. Its to the point where I'm taking lorazepam an hour before I need to go just so I don't spend 20 minutes in a heavy sweat before I have to leave!
I used to love my job. Then I got a promotion into a (to me) high stress level position. That triggered my anxiety. More people depend on me to do a good job. People are constantly needing something from me. I think this is just too much for me, I have a high-needs child (5 1/2 year old with Asperger's), and my Dad is very sick, my Mom is a mess... And now my husband has turned into a very needy guy, lol! I'm not always sure where to turn for advice, because I feel silly being anxious all the time.
My therapist thinks that my anxiety leads to a fear of dying, but that's not quite right. It's more of the world is just crushing me, and I'm fighting so hard to not be lost in it - but at the same time, I wish everything would leave me the hell alone! I want to get up, and clean, but just looking at what needs to be done overwhelms me.
And I'm generally a happy, fairly sociable person, but I don't want to leave the house?? I have the need to talk to people, but I have an intense fear that they're all talking about me behind my back. Making fun of me. It doesn't help that I've actually HEARD people I though were 'friends' doing this (work friends). I'm a 'weirdo'. I don't do anything right. I'm the one with a kid who is ASD. I overshare because I want to make friends, and I was never taught how to do it properly.
To top it off, I desperately want to help my son with his social skills, but I can't join a playgroup because of my social anxiety. I hate that I feel like an awkward teen still. I should be able to be a good example for my kids, not a neurotic mess.
My biggest fear is turning into my Mother. And crying at the drop of a dime over something stupid and trivial. I know this is all genetic (my mom suffers from depression and anxiety, my Dad suffers from anxiety, my Grandfather had depression, Tourettes and Lord knows what else). And I know I recognized it so that when I became an issue I sought help. That's a step in the right direction, right??
So sorry to ramble. I haven't really had anyone to talk to. My husband doesn't understand. My BFF tries to. I hate anxiety!!