I have horrible, depressing, paranoid, agressive thoughts.

[tezastone]

I don't consider myself a sad person, but I am prone to bouts of great anxiety.

I've been monitoring the thoughts and fantasies that go on in my head throughout the day, and they are so dark and horrible, I wonder why I have them so much. I've had them for as long as I can remember. I constantly have thoughts like these:

I lose my whole family in a plane crash.

I get rapped and beaten.

A psychopath kidnaps me and tries to kill me and I have to spend the entire night running from him.

I say something and I'm misunderstood and a whole country hates me or wants to lynch me or ridicule me.

I'm caught in a country at war, lose everyone I love, see dead people everywhere.


I suffer some tremendous horrible experience ( being out in the streets with no money, surrounded by predators) and I still make it out with no one's help and finally gain my mom's respect that way.

Some psycho kills my three beautiful cats in a horrible way. Skinning them alive, poisoning them, inserting bombs inside them, pouring acid on them, cutting off body parts.

I'm old and alone, incapable of having relationships. All of society is strange to me, it's too late, I never feel well in any social situations, I'll never have a love or a normal life, I'll always have to push people away because it's my destiny.

My sister becomes a drug addict and starts having sex for money as she spirals down into self destruction and eventually dies or gets killed.

My other sister dies in a plane crash, and I was the one that helped her get a job as a flight attendant in a big company (this part is true!).

Everybody uses me for my money, I have one night stands because I don't know how to have a conversation or relationship with people so I end up just using their bodies, it's as intimate as I know how to get.

What's up with all these horrible thoughts?

Do you have them? What do you do? How did you change them? What do they mean?

[Itz Omi]

Hi Hon,

It sounds OCD-ish with a twist. I am reading a book called "Change Your Brain, Change Your Life" and I'll bet the answer is in there somewhere...but I'm still sort of in the beginning. I'm not a fan of meds in the slightest but it sounds like yours is a case where you may genuinely need to be evaluated for a med that will be of help to you. If you have never suffered a trauma of your own yet have these paranoid thoughts, there is probably something a little off-kilter. That's no way to live!!!

[marmaladesreturn]

Hi Tezastone,

Sounds like you are having obsessive thoughts (without the compulsions?). So like OCD without the "C". I have it, and have researched a bit about it and it is quite common.

You are definitely not alone :)

What I have learnt from my readings is that you need to take the emotion away from the thought to stop the thoughts repeating themselves. Once you can do this, your brain will slow down these obsessive thoughts. It takes time, but it does eventually happen! Trust me :)

What helped me actually inviting the thought, almost as I was proving to myself it wasn't scary because I was controlling it. Of course your brain may try to make more scary thoughts, ones you never thought of before (thats normal too). Just remember again that its a thought, not a fact. And just because you are thinking about it doesnt mean it will happen.

I hope this helps, remember is just your over-excited imagination. Perhaps redirect your attention to meditation/yoga to get your brain focused and relaxed.

Wishing you all the best :)

[Marlow]

I also have these, I'm affraid to get close to people because I feel like they will think Im weird or unfit for a relationship. Im affraid to think about marriage and having a family because I have so many problems of my own that I dont think I can lead a family. Im affraid to be around children at times because I think I might go crazy and hurt them.

Intrusive thoughts, thats all they are, I never act on them or never would want to but I feel the only way to protect people from Me is to never find love or happiness (which is also an intrusive thought). I feel like Im gonna go psycho or something...

Find some therapy and start treatment, find whats best for you, I lean more toward the cognition side of it but I am also on clonazepam to help with anxiety now