hocd ? please help

[username911]

i have been suffering with anxiety since i can remember. I am 16 years of age, i lost both my grandmothers when i was around 7 and 11, it crushed me and this is when i can remember my anxiety beginning. Usually i am just anxious about my health, which is something im used to and i can control it.

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year and things were absolutely amazing! a few arguements as any normal couple but i was soo happy, he was the one person that all my anxiety issues would dissapear when i was with him. around 2 months ago i had a thought 'what if i'm lesbian'. This thought made my stomach turn, i have nothing against gays at all by the way! i just dont know what is wrong with me. i feel as though im being fake infront of my boyfriend. We are sexually active and we have great sex! he always sexually satisfies me but i can never get this anxious thought from my head! i dont wanto lose him, is this all in my head?

please help! its got so bad that i feel as though i dont wanto live anymore! after everything that has happened i feel hopeless and i hate myself!

[Itz Omi]

Hi there, Sweetie,

At your age, you are not really sexually mature on the inside (I know at 16 you feel differently, but trust someone who's got a few decades on you), so many people your age worry about this unnecessarily. There is so much sexuality on TV, and bisexuality is being pushed on young kids like never before, that the "power of suggestion" starts to confuse young minds. You are being "trained" to see the sexualization of women as alluring. (To find such things stimulating doesn't mean you want to sleep with these women - it's usually out of envy, that you wish you were in their shoes/had that kind of power to bring men to their knees.)

You have nothing to worry about. There is nothing wrong with you. If I were you, I'd lay off the M-TV for a while and focus on your actual relationship outside of sex. I'm not telling you to go join a convent, but realize that you are not quite mature enough to handle an intense sexual relationship. You may disagree, but your last paragraph is actually rather odd - not to dismiss your feelings, but it sounds like something a pre-teen might say - hating yourself, not wanting to live, feeling hopeless - just because you're a little confused?

Again, you have no reason to worry. Just enjoy your youth, don't try to grow up too soon, enjoy your relationship with your boyfriend (maybe spend more time outside of the house having fun and less time inside, if you catch my drift), and watch the "junk food" you feed your brain. Good luck to you!!

[username911]

thankyou! what you said has made me realise that there is no need to worry! having said that i have always been a worrier! i will worry about absolutely everything! i guess im just feeling a little stressed at the moment with exams and all that! having read the symptoms it does sound like i am suffering from hocd, which hopefully it will pass! thanks for your help

[LilyRose]

Hi, the previous post is absolutely right!! just be you!! one question, I know what ocd is but what is hocd???? sorry, I am new to all this, thank you x

[Itz Omi]

Hi Hon,

It sucks to worry about everything, doesn't it!!

I'm so glad you're not going to worry about it. We girls worry too much about ourselves. "Am I too fat?," "Will so-and-so like me?," etc. etc. It's harder to be a girl now that ever, esp. with all the fake women on TV, setting the standard-of-beauty bar higher and higher. Never before have girls had such pressure to be pleasing to the opposite sex!!

I am so glad you are going to try not to worry about this. :) Enjoy your summer!!!!

[username911]

hi its homosexuality over compulsive dissorder!
trying not to worry is awful! especially as im trying my best not to worry about it! its really bringing me down! not being able to sleep, keeping myself up worrying all night etc

[Itz Omi]

I remember when I was your age, I didn't worry about being gay, but I wondered if people mistakenly THOUGHT I was gay! I think everyone that age worries about it, along with everything else - the sun rises and sets on what your peers think of you, you know? When you get older, you don't give a crap, but teens are very self-conscious. I think boys worry about the gay thing the most, by far. Not that they think they might be gay necessarily but worry that others think they may be. It's just the way teens are wired and nothing wrong with it!

Again, please don't worry, hon, it's just the onslaught of female sexuality crammed down your throat every 2 seconds on TV, in movies, and in rock videos causing you to doubt yourself. You can't get away from it. If you've seen too much of this from an early age, it is going to confuse you. I'd stay away from confusing imagery if I were you, at least for a while, so that you can "re-boot" and just enjoy your life and your youth, and not be troubled by the media pressure and whatnot. :)

[username911]

thankyou so much that has really helped me!
i do believe that my anxiety is due to the loss of my grandparents, its a lot for a person to go through, let alone at such a young age, i was kind of forced to move on, because well you have no choice. i used to worry about losing my mum, as she lost hers. it got so bad that if she was late picking me up, i would completely freak out and assume something had happened to her. As i got older, i started to worry about myself and my own health. Its got to the point where I haveto worry about something, if i dont i feel lost.
I can always talk to my mum about anything, but i dont wanto talk to her about this, im worried that she will assume im trying to say that i am gay, or that she'll tell me i am gay, im not sure anybody really understands how i am feeling. A part of me understands that its just a thought, but then a part of me is convincing me that i am gay. But the thought of having a relationship with a female seems wrong to me, does this mean i am not gay?
thanks for all your help x

[username911]

Hi,
I convince myself of many things too! i have convinced myself in the past of heart attacks on many occasions, also if i hear that someone has a disease such as cancer, i automatically think that i have it! Its getting to the point were i just lie awake crying at night!
My mum always says i have nothing to worry about and how beautiul and talented i am ( as i am hoping for a future in singing) but i still cant help but feel depressed and that i have nothing to live for! i cant help it but my anxiety is really getting to me and is seriously affecting my life, im never happy anymore,all this on my mind and im still trying to concentrate on my GCSE exams that i am currently doing, im just feeling like its all too much for me to handle.