Is This Common?

[Mack24]

I have never been on a forum, so please bear with me. I was wondering if what I have is common with anyone else out there. I would appreciate any help or input. Here's my story: I was a 2-sport athlete in college. Between training, practice, games, and academics I started to feel like life was going a little fast. I would get so anxious thinking about a test, quiz, or game that I would literally be frozen for minutes or even hours. I wouldn't be able to move from my chair or bed. I never told anybody about it or looked for help. I got through it myself by "toughing it out" and finished my athletic career and graduated college. None of my friends or family knew about my secret anxiety. Also, I seem to be very laid back, have a ton of friends and always enjoy being around people and parties so I guess if I told anyone, they would probably be shocked of my anxiety. Now fast foward about 12 years. I am married with 4 young kids. Starting about 6 years ago, I started feeling those anxious thoughts again and even had my first full-blown panic attack. ( I had no idea what was happening. I thought it was a heart attack.) I have read several self-help books and countless websites but I can't seem to shake it. I am constantly questioning myself about decisions, have gained weight(which I am disgusted with myself), and feel like I am holding myself back with my business and finances. I feel constant anxiety. I don't want to get on medication. Sorry this got long, but any comments would be greatly appreciated.

[Itz Omi]

Mack!

Lots of people are in your shoes. I have a feeling you have very high expectations for yourself... Expectations for your career, material things, etc. Since you have 4 kids already, that is stressful in and of itself.

If I'm correct, then I hope you an keep in mind that life isn't a race to the top. You don't have to have a large house, you don't have to have a nice car, and you don't have to spoil your kids with lots of toys. And you don't need to have an impressive title. What your kids and wife need is your time. If they're going to bed with a fully belly and a roof over their head that doesn't leak, and you're there to tuck them in at night, then I'd say you're a huge success. That's all that matters.

[Muloc]

I hate to be the guy with the cliche answer, but maybe you're going through a midlife crisis. Lots of adults go through it in their 30s/40s, where they feel like they're "running out of time" from their youth and they panic over whether or not they've done everything they wanted to, about where they're going etc. Some people go through a minor one when they're just becoming an adult round 20, which might explain your previous experience.

If you naturally have quite high anxiety, these two things coupled are probably pretty nasty, but I think lotsof people do go through a very similar thing.

Maybe resolution will come with acceptance? Some people have a tendency to set ridiculously high standards for themselves, but you should be living for yourself, not the way the world says you should be. Personally, I'd say do what you did when you were younger, just plow through. It's hard to do with high anxiety but try to loosen up a bit, enjoy yourself, be round people that will distract you, don't isolate yourself, don't avoid/escape situations you may feel anxious in. If there's little things you can do to feel better about yourself...putting a bit more time into you work, loosing a little weight, then try that to - but do it for YOU, not because you want to live up to how people think you SHOULD be.

[Mack24]

Thank you very much for the feedback. I've been doing it alone for a long time and I need to face it head-on. It sounds like it would be a good idea to have a talk with my Dr. and see if he can recommend a therapist. Thanks again.

[ImJace]

Facing it has been the only thing that's worked for me. I coped with it for 10 years, but found it so empowering when I finally did something about it. I can't believe how far I've come in just a few months.