New here, I need to connect with other anxiety sufferers.

[pookah]

It all started after a bad drug experience nearly two years ago, where not only did I have a horrible time just because of the drug, I also fell down a flight of stairs on my back and I don't remember if I hit my head. I remember my jaw feeling out of place afterwawrds, and ever since then I have had a clicking in my ears when I swallow that was never there before. I never got it checked out because I didn't think of brain damage as a possibility (I think most people wouldn't). After that I had feelings of being disconnected from my body which were corrected with two weeks of antipsychotics. Then I was having nightly panic attacks but I didn't know that's what they were so I thought I was going insane. I have not had panic attacks since last semester. Right now I would describe myself as tired and afraid of my own brain. I constantly analyze how I feel mentally and always think there is something wrong with me. I can barely enjoy myself. I am extremely happy around my boyfriend who I know loves me very much but I feel like I have to hide the extent of my anxiety from him because I feel it is unattractive and will cause him stress. And when he's not here (I only see him on the weekends), I'm basically miserable. I think I am becoming depressed now from all the stress and constant tunnel vision and self-analysis and upsetting conclusions I make about myself. This past weekend while with my boyfriend I suddenly felt completely isolated and like I barely knew him. I felt like I would always be totally trapped in my own brain. I just cannot get out of my own brain. It runs in cycles and cycles and I can never stop thinking about myself. I have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. I have nightmares. I have pretty much stopped hanging out with people.

I am seeing a therapist but am uncomfortable starting medication because I feel it's not a real solution and I'm afraid that I will have to be on it forever. I just want to feel comfortable with myself and I feel like it's my responsibility to be "truly normal" by myself without chemicals.

I don't know what to do anymore because I don't feel like I'm getting better. I'll feel better for a week or two, then feel bad again. It happens in cycles.

What are your experiences with medications, and do you recommend them? Is it possible to take them for a short amount of time and feel better afterwards without them?

Thank you so much, sorry if that was really long.

[Kayla23]

Hey my names Kayla and I've been dealing with anxiety for nearly two years now. I can relate to your problem but on a different level. I'm afraid of my own heart. it sounds silly but I think most of the people here can relate to that. But some of the stuff you mentioned didn't sound like anxiety, but I am no expert. Also, you should fill your boyfriend in on the issue, he might be able to be some sort of help. but anyways, what I've learned through this experience is that you can make yourself believe almost anything. Just remember that. Take care.

[Bubbywu]

I agree with Kayla, you need to tell your boyfriend. It's embarrassing and difficult, but you need to know that he will support you with this. My husband is wonderful. He pushes me when I need to be pushed yet still gives me comfort knowing that he would let nothing happen to me. Like a safety person. I hid my Agoraphobia from everyone I could because of shame, embarrassment, and that they wouldn't understand. I've had Agoraphobia for almost 20 years now. Over the last few years I finally started telling my closest friends. I'm so thankful I did. They are very understanding and I don't have to make excuses for not being somewhere anymore. Plus it makes me feel stronger knowing that they will always be there whether the understand it or not. That's how you find out who your real friends are. DOn't give up and open up to the people you love. If they don't understand it, as long as they really care they will still be there. Keep writing too, because it helps a lot!!


;)
Chele