pookah
10-25-2006, 07:49 PM
It all started after a bad drug experience nearly two years ago, where not only did I have a horrible time just because of the drug, I also fell down a flight of stairs on my back and I don't remember if I hit my head. I remember my jaw feeling out of place afterwawrds, and ever since then I have had a clicking in my ears when I swallow that was never there before. I never got it checked out because I didn't think of brain damage as a possibility (I think most people wouldn't). After that I had feelings of being disconnected from my body which were corrected with two weeks of antipsychotics. Then I was having nightly panic attacks but I didn't know that's what they were so I thought I was going insane. I have not had panic attacks since last semester. Right now I would describe myself as tired and afraid of my own brain. I constantly analyze how I feel mentally and always think there is something wrong with me. I can barely enjoy myself. I am extremely happy around my boyfriend who I know loves me very much but I feel like I have to hide the extent of my anxiety from him because I feel it is unattractive and will cause him stress. And when he's not here (I only see him on the weekends), I'm basically miserable. I think I am becoming depressed now from all the stress and constant tunnel vision and self-analysis and upsetting conclusions I make about myself. This past weekend while with my boyfriend I suddenly felt completely isolated and like I barely knew him. I felt like I would always be totally trapped in my own brain. I just cannot get out of my own brain. It runs in cycles and cycles and I can never stop thinking about myself. I have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. I have nightmares. I have pretty much stopped hanging out with people.
I am seeing a therapist but am uncomfortable starting medication because I feel it's not a real solution and I'm afraid that I will have to be on it forever. I just want to feel comfortable with myself and I feel like it's my responsibility to be "truly normal" by myself without chemicals.
I don't know what to do anymore because I don't feel like I'm getting better. I'll feel better for a week or two, then feel bad again. It happens in cycles.
What are your experiences with medications, and do you recommend them? Is it possible to take them for a short amount of time and feel better afterwards without them?
Thank you so much, sorry if that was really long.
I am seeing a therapist but am uncomfortable starting medication because I feel it's not a real solution and I'm afraid that I will have to be on it forever. I just want to feel comfortable with myself and I feel like it's my responsibility to be "truly normal" by myself without chemicals.
I don't know what to do anymore because I don't feel like I'm getting better. I'll feel better for a week or two, then feel bad again. It happens in cycles.
What are your experiences with medications, and do you recommend them? Is it possible to take them for a short amount of time and feel better afterwards without them?
Thank you so much, sorry if that was really long.