Hi all. New to the forum and a question for you all. =)

[rchippex]

Hello All,

Hope you are all well and staying strong in your individual journeys. My name is Rik (25) and I have been dealing with varying forms of anxiety for the last 2-3 years after quitting a cannabis addiction. I am a million times better than I once was and am glad to say that I have come an awfully long way in the struggle.

I still suffer from some social anxiety and also disturbing thoughts but most symptoms have now ceased and my quality of life has improved immeasurably.

The main problem at the moment is that I have had somewhat of a relapse with the disturbing thoughts. I had them really bad when I first quit the weed but after reading an amazing book by paul david I managed to get on top of this terrible symptom. Now the thoughts have returned but as I got so accustomed to them I have learnt to ignore them in the main. The only problem now is that I feel that I am getting too accustomed to them and fear that I am accepting them too much. As you can probably appreciate this worries me a lot.

I was just wondering if anyone else has had this worry of accepting them too much. I know I would never carry out these thoughts but I need to know whether anyone else has had this specific worry. I don't know whether this is just another step in the journey but the disturbing thoughts have been the biggest hurdle for me in my journey.

Apologies for the wall of text but as you probably know once you get writing it just kinda flows out.

Hope you are all well and I look forward to hearing your responses.

Rik

[gaara]

Anxiety causes disturbing thoughts. Every human being has disturbing thoughts and the only reason they're never a problem is because when someone isn't anxious their a) happy b) not thinking about negative things c) occupied with life, not anxiety.

I'm also dealing with disturbing thoughts but they're not violent or anything like that it's more of "i'm changing, i'll never be back to who i was before, i'm seeing the world for what it really is, a negative bad place and i was just nieve and care-free before all of this and i'll never be back to that level of happiness/normality"...they're pretty disturbing to me because it actually feels i'll never be myself again.

Have you seen a psychologist? Are you on or have you been on any meds?

[rchippex]

Hi gaara and thanks for responding. No I have never been on any meds and would never consider them to be an option for me. I have come so far without them and from people I have spoken to that have taken them they all said that the meds do not tackle the cause of the symptoms but rather they mask them only for them to return again.

I understand your thoughts entirely. That was how my disturbing thoughts first manifested themselves. I defeated that element of the thoughts a long time ago and know that I am not going crazy in any way and that I most certainly can live a normal life again. I have experienced such a good period of anxiety free life recently that I know the end is possible. It is just these thoughts that I am finding hard to shake. I get thoughts of hurting loved ones as is very common in anxiety sufferers and while they do not cause me to panic anymore or fear them as such I find myself inventing a new worry of becoming to accustomed to them as I am so calm when they pop up. I was just curious as to whether anyone else has had this thought as an offshoot of conquering the main problems with the disturbing thoughts which is panic attacks and the feeling of losing control. I do have my wedding coming up in the next 3 weeks so i suspect a lot of the thoughts returning are as a result of the extra stress caused by this period in my life.

As for the thoughts you have gaara I promise you there is a happy life just waiting for you to grab it so dont let yourself think there isnt. I have had to deal with literally the exact thoughts you mention and I came out the other side with a whole new perspective on life. You can get there and you just need to believe it. Dont worry so much about being the same person as such but allow yourself to be whoever you will be. Anxiety may change you in some ways but in the end you will be stronger than ever and you will make the most of life after having spent some of it in such turmoil.

I say this as someone who has had your exact problems and came out the other side. One day you will look back and realise that you had it in you all along to beat anxiety. I wrote a reply on two of the other threads at the top of this page to help some others who have been having some problems and I think it would help you with these thoughts you are having. Dont worry. There is happiness there for you. I didnt think I would end up getting married and having a well paid job etc but I got there and I am damn proud of it. I am even planning on starting a family in a months time. I never thought I would see the day.

[Eduardo]

These issues you two talk about, is something that I agree with.

We all have anxious thoughts all of the time, the anxiety disorder is when these anxious thoughts sink hard and strong and appear at times when they are not relevant at all.
feeling anxious is normal, it's a part of life and the way to beat it is not hiding from it, but actually saying: "Ye I'm anxious" and just go on because your mind & body know what to do, otherwise you would have not been here to tell.

I tried several techniques and I'm %100 sure that anxiety is normal and the beating of it is understanding it and just go on.