ania
05-08-2011, 05:14 PM
Hi there,
my name is Ania and I would like to introduce myself and if it is possible get some opinions from people with similar stories.
I am not sure if this is the right forum for me cause I am not even sure if what I'm feeling is an anxiety. So let me give you guys some info about me. I am almost 28 years old. I have been molested when I was 7,come from alcoholic family and had been in an abusive relationship for over a year when I was 20. However all these dramatic things that happened to me didn't take a huge toll on me.I learned how not to remember these things and block it out. Once they happened I let them go so they wouldn't affect me.
The issues I want to write about started when I was 7 months pregnant at the age of 26,now my daughter is 17 months old. Through my whole pregnancy I have been under lots of pressure and stress trying to work out issues in my relationship with the father of my child.One day when I woke up from a nap feeling very very weird just having this uncomfortable,uneasy and overwhelming feeling that is almost impossible to describe. I am not sure weather i had any physical symptoms. I just knew that something was happening and i wasn't ok it was sort of like I was getting this negative vibe from everything around me and nothing seemed normal I didn" feel normal.And since that moment it has never stopped. Two days before my labor started I think I had a panic attack because these strange feelings got really overwhelming and I went to the er.I had blurry vision,remember feeling lightheaded and having this fullness in my head. They did blood tests and cat scan of my head and they said that everything was fine there is no tumor or anything like that. They put everything on the fact that I was pregnant and It's probably hormones. I had no idea how I was going to take care of a newborn feeling like I just overnight went insane and that I'm loosing my mind.
At the hospital i requested to see a psychiatrist,she told me that it was a postpartum depression even tough I haven't been feeling sad, I knew I wasn't happy and I tried to describe how I was feeling.She put me on Zoloft, Klonopin and REspiradone.I have been taking them for around 2,5 months and nothing has changed. Shortly after that I started googling and I came across derealization and depersonalization.And it did fit what I was feeling. So year and a half later here is what is going on. I had my eyes checked twice cause of the blurry vision they both came clear. Two months ago I have seen a different psychiatrist and she told me I have a classic depression with the anxiety and she put me on 20 mg of celexa and trazadone. However I don't feel depressed.I have crying spells but here are my major symptoms:I dont feel like myself, I'm obsessing constantly that there is sth seriously wrong with me,I google and take online tests all the time thats how paranoid I am.I got to the point when I was convinced and still think about having schizophrenia.I am constantly lightheaded with the feeling of having rubberband around my head,I think I have daily panic attacks but without the physsical sumptoms,I do get shortness of breath sometimes but nothing major no shaking none of this.I count things around me I always have. I keep repeating phrases in my head and even the whole conversations over and over again. I have intrussive thoughts and flashbacks with the places I have seen and associated with them emotions, its like refeeling them all over again. And they come out of nowhere without any trigger.I cant watch half of the shows on tv cause they give me dp/dr. I literally feel like I need to be in a crazy house,seriously. I dont have hallucinations or delusions.But the worst out of everything is that the only time I feel normal is when I'm sleeping. But than I am having unrealistic but very vivid dreams that later on i think about all day.And when I wake up its like my body is frozen and i feel weird and uneasy and not really want to be awake. At that moment I am sooo untouched with the reality that it is completely freaking me out. Even now writing this post I am not sure if I'm really doing it. How weird it is. I feel like a crazy person cause I feel like im never really where I am at.Sometimes I dont know if things are really happening around me. I forget things,I miss my appointments I forget everything.Sometimes i forget what I did 5 minutes ago. Im very irritable and out of control.There are days when I don't feel real or I don't have a control over my thoughts at all.
Please if anybody can make any sense of what I wrote I would be glad to read some opinions.
my name is Ania and I would like to introduce myself and if it is possible get some opinions from people with similar stories.
I am not sure if this is the right forum for me cause I am not even sure if what I'm feeling is an anxiety. So let me give you guys some info about me. I am almost 28 years old. I have been molested when I was 7,come from alcoholic family and had been in an abusive relationship for over a year when I was 20. However all these dramatic things that happened to me didn't take a huge toll on me.I learned how not to remember these things and block it out. Once they happened I let them go so they wouldn't affect me.
The issues I want to write about started when I was 7 months pregnant at the age of 26,now my daughter is 17 months old. Through my whole pregnancy I have been under lots of pressure and stress trying to work out issues in my relationship with the father of my child.One day when I woke up from a nap feeling very very weird just having this uncomfortable,uneasy and overwhelming feeling that is almost impossible to describe. I am not sure weather i had any physical symptoms. I just knew that something was happening and i wasn't ok it was sort of like I was getting this negative vibe from everything around me and nothing seemed normal I didn" feel normal.And since that moment it has never stopped. Two days before my labor started I think I had a panic attack because these strange feelings got really overwhelming and I went to the er.I had blurry vision,remember feeling lightheaded and having this fullness in my head. They did blood tests and cat scan of my head and they said that everything was fine there is no tumor or anything like that. They put everything on the fact that I was pregnant and It's probably hormones. I had no idea how I was going to take care of a newborn feeling like I just overnight went insane and that I'm loosing my mind.
At the hospital i requested to see a psychiatrist,she told me that it was a postpartum depression even tough I haven't been feeling sad, I knew I wasn't happy and I tried to describe how I was feeling.She put me on Zoloft, Klonopin and REspiradone.I have been taking them for around 2,5 months and nothing has changed. Shortly after that I started googling and I came across derealization and depersonalization.And it did fit what I was feeling. So year and a half later here is what is going on. I had my eyes checked twice cause of the blurry vision they both came clear. Two months ago I have seen a different psychiatrist and she told me I have a classic depression with the anxiety and she put me on 20 mg of celexa and trazadone. However I don't feel depressed.I have crying spells but here are my major symptoms:I dont feel like myself, I'm obsessing constantly that there is sth seriously wrong with me,I google and take online tests all the time thats how paranoid I am.I got to the point when I was convinced and still think about having schizophrenia.I am constantly lightheaded with the feeling of having rubberband around my head,I think I have daily panic attacks but without the physsical sumptoms,I do get shortness of breath sometimes but nothing major no shaking none of this.I count things around me I always have. I keep repeating phrases in my head and even the whole conversations over and over again. I have intrussive thoughts and flashbacks with the places I have seen and associated with them emotions, its like refeeling them all over again. And they come out of nowhere without any trigger.I cant watch half of the shows on tv cause they give me dp/dr. I literally feel like I need to be in a crazy house,seriously. I dont have hallucinations or delusions.But the worst out of everything is that the only time I feel normal is when I'm sleeping. But than I am having unrealistic but very vivid dreams that later on i think about all day.And when I wake up its like my body is frozen and i feel weird and uneasy and not really want to be awake. At that moment I am sooo untouched with the reality that it is completely freaking me out. Even now writing this post I am not sure if I'm really doing it. How weird it is. I feel like a crazy person cause I feel like im never really where I am at.Sometimes I dont know if things are really happening around me. I forget things,I miss my appointments I forget everything.Sometimes i forget what I did 5 minutes ago. Im very irritable and out of control.There are days when I don't feel real or I don't have a control over my thoughts at all.
Please if anybody can make any sense of what I wrote I would be glad to read some opinions.