JustWannaLive
05-05-2011, 07:10 PM
I've never been involved in a site like this, and I figured I'd give it a shot. I can't keep living how I've been living and I come to this site not to save my soul or anything silly like that but to maybe get some advice or even just comfort to know I'm not alone with my problems... I'm not going to explain everything about myself on here because this isn't about how I look or what I do in life, this is about a mental disorder that's holding me back in so many ways. I'm not sure if this is one of the sites where people with no life come on just to make fun of others and put the depressed down, if thats the case your words won't hurt me so have your fun... Anyways I tend to ramble. I'm 18 years old and I've been dealing with severe depression, anxiety, anger, and everything else under the sun since I was about 8 years old. Throughout the years it went from being out of control hyper and just "crazy" to now being 18 and I feel worn out and like every single day is a struggle. I don't know how I even get out of bed in the morning. The only thing I want in life is to live, to be happy and knock down all barriers. I want love, love for myself, and I want to be healthy and happy. This disease has caused me to deal with so many issues, I went to food for comfort and spent most of my teenage years being obese, I lost all that weight and thought it was a cure all. It wasn't, I'm still as depressed as ever and it seems no matter what good things happen to me, every single day and night I feel alone and empty and I'm dried out of tears. I'm young I know this, that's why I need to grab this and take control of it now because it's already eaten away at 10 years of my life. It's the reason I was obese, the reason I drank, the reason I smoked, the reason I dropped out of school. Music is truly all that kept me sane throughout the years. I'm a stubborn girl and always thought I could keep this to myself and deal with it with my own mind tricks and games and I would somehow be alright if I looked hot enough. I've always had an old soul and mature beyond my years. Now I'm sick of this routine and these scary thoughts and I'm putting myself out there and asking for help...