Jaseis
05-04-2011, 07:39 AM
Greets all.
I guess I've always suffered with the burden of anxiety which I inherited from my father, but it's never got this bad. Ive had episodes in the past where I will get so scared about my health (it's mostly cancer or diseases with no symptoms that worry me). I spend days on the internet looking for answers, each time I find one my mind finds something to cancel that out and I look for other things until I reach a point where I have to do something to take my mind off of it, which in the past has been starving myself, overdosing, drinking. But I learnt to deal with it and break that cycle a while back and shrugged off the 'anxiety weeks'.
Recently it's been getting worse...I've been having mood swings that can last for any amount of time (usually a day or a night) which triggers anxiety and thoughts of doom (sounds clichè but I'm not sure how to describe it). I've lost interest in college and every day feels like too much of a drag. I'm scared how my family are seeing me, so I supress it and hide it, which is always a bad idea. I know I'm rambling but I cannot possibly structure how I'm thinking.
I'm on the fence on whether to ask for help for fear of letting someone in. I'm comfortable not feeling happy because then I don't have anything to lose anymore. I'm terrified of building myself up to get knocked down again. My anxiety of gaining weight has returned again which is even more terrifying because then I'm scared of the health problems I'm gonna cause. But then out of nowhere my mood changes and I don't care anymore, which leads my to smoke more, take painkillers for no reason, binge eat and skip college.
I have no idea what to do anymore. And thank you to the community for giving me the opportunity to get this off my chest. I'm in the caring mood right now, which means I can see a bit more logically than when I'm in that other mood.
Sorry for rambling
Jase
I guess I've always suffered with the burden of anxiety which I inherited from my father, but it's never got this bad. Ive had episodes in the past where I will get so scared about my health (it's mostly cancer or diseases with no symptoms that worry me). I spend days on the internet looking for answers, each time I find one my mind finds something to cancel that out and I look for other things until I reach a point where I have to do something to take my mind off of it, which in the past has been starving myself, overdosing, drinking. But I learnt to deal with it and break that cycle a while back and shrugged off the 'anxiety weeks'.
Recently it's been getting worse...I've been having mood swings that can last for any amount of time (usually a day or a night) which triggers anxiety and thoughts of doom (sounds clichè but I'm not sure how to describe it). I've lost interest in college and every day feels like too much of a drag. I'm scared how my family are seeing me, so I supress it and hide it, which is always a bad idea. I know I'm rambling but I cannot possibly structure how I'm thinking.
I'm on the fence on whether to ask for help for fear of letting someone in. I'm comfortable not feeling happy because then I don't have anything to lose anymore. I'm terrified of building myself up to get knocked down again. My anxiety of gaining weight has returned again which is even more terrifying because then I'm scared of the health problems I'm gonna cause. But then out of nowhere my mood changes and I don't care anymore, which leads my to smoke more, take painkillers for no reason, binge eat and skip college.
I have no idea what to do anymore. And thank you to the community for giving me the opportunity to get this off my chest. I'm in the caring mood right now, which means I can see a bit more logically than when I'm in that other mood.
Sorry for rambling
Jase