Poetry Attempt 5/3/2011

[KarlyJ]

As my anxiety has increased, I've developed what feels like permanent writer's block. In the same way that it's become harder to express myself when talking to people, it's no longer easy to find the words for what I feel the way I used to. But I decided there's no harm in trying, if anything it will help me.. So here's my attempt for today, it's far from perfect but what's the use in locking it away in my notebook? Enjoy.

You say something,
I don't answer
'Cause I'm not good with playful banter
I just give a look that seems should say it all.

But by now
I should know better,
My face won't give away a single letter
Of the words in my head

Too far below the surface to ever tread on solid ground.

And I wonder if they know,
That I would try to let them know
If they'd just ask me

But either they don't care to know,
Or think that I don't care to show
What's inside me

Will the fear doom me to silence
Until a rage of violence bursts out from my head?

Or can I find words for what I'm feeling
Without anxiety stealing them away instead?

And if I ask myself this today,
Will the answer be more clear to me tomorrow?


Thanks for reading.

[fyodor]

Wonderful poem. I really felt what you're feeling, and it conveys what it's like to experience social anxiety. I too have written some poetry, but haven't shared it. It is impossible to do anything creative when anxious. Anxiety is creativity's worst enemy. But on the other hand, I think expression relieves depression as long as I feel safe doing so.

[KarlyJ]

Yeah, it's been hard for me to write lately but why not at least try? All it can do is help me. That's why I posted it here too. I have to get over this idea that people don't appreciate me or my thoughts and ideas, what better way is there to overcome that than to put myself out there and let people tell me what they really think? I spend too much time inside my own head. I've been looking for people to talk to, would you like to add me on a messenger? MSN/Yahoo/AIM?

[Gladys]

Oh, Karly,
If there's a writer's block with you, I'm not seeing it.
Your poem just made tears well up in my eyes, and I'm not easily swayed by other people's words. But I see an honesty in your poem and I can relate to what you're saying.
You called your piece a poetry attempt. It's not an attempt. That is poetry. I too write poetry. It is difficult with anxiety, but I think you need to consider getting it rated. I have used 'My Poetry Forum' in the past, and their rating system has made me feel alright about what I write, and in turn, I suppose I feel okay with myself for a while. Why don't you try it.
Low self esteem seems to go hand in hand with anxiety, and sometimes we need to know that who we are is alright. You're alright, Karly.