PDA

View Full Version : You can't stop working on it



10-14-2006, 03:43 PM
Hi, I'm 21 years old and new to the boards. I wasn't diagnosed with social phobia until late last year, but the symptoms can be traced all the way back to elementary. I'm tired of it. I feel that the quality of my life isn't at the level that it should be. When other guys my age are out there chasing girls, partying, and socializing, I find myself sitting here feeling overly self-conscious. I can't think of a reason to feel this way though, I have a very supporting family and a great group of friends. Yet when it comes to socializing with coworkers and strangers I feel as if I've got to meet a standard; I've got to be entertaining in order for them to want more of me. This mentality has just led me to avoid most social environments. At parties I usually find myself walking around and staying away from the people that I went there with in order to not be a burden for them in case they actually find someone to socialize with. I'm not ugly or stupid yet I find myself inadequate and uninteresting. I realize that this is all in my head. The opposite sex is a complete different story. I lose control everytime it comes to talking to a girl. What do I say? How do I say it? My mind goes blank. To be honest, although I've had my chances to create a relationship, my fear of opening up to people has led me to never being able to have a girlfriend. Somewhere along the way I think I lost myself in terms of starting relationships and making connections.
The pressures of not being able to choose a career, get a girlfriend, and create a solid group of friends in my new town is only amplifying my struggle. I'm ready to change though. I need to stop depending on other people to create my own happiness. I've realized that this only creates a burden on others and it just leads to losing great friends. I thought this phobia was something that would lose power over time, but I was wrong. I set up an appointment with a therapist for thursday and am full of optimism. I look forward to sharing my journey and my struggles with everyone. My goal is to reach a point where I am happy with who I am so I can openly share it with the rest of the world.