How to let go?

[mlh1026]

A lot of my anxiety stems from crap that happened to me as a child: various kinds of abuse, and my trying to be perfect so my parents would love me or be proud of me. They never were/are and I know they're not capable and they're mentally ill, but I keep trying to be perfect anyway. My therapist says I need to let go of the idea that my parents will ever love me or be proud of me, and I need to mourn the loss of my childhood.

How the hell do I do that? Anybody have a clue?

[lifeconfusion6179]

My question would be if you did feel robbed of your childhood how is your relationship with your parents now? And if you have one with them at all? That truly is a tough one. If you have kids of your own you can let go by making sure you do better for them then your parents did for you. Maybe your counselor should advise on ways to do that without leaving you in the clouds with such a tall order:) hope this helps

[mlh1026]

I pretty much have no relationship w/ my parents b/c they're pretty muc insane and you can't have a normal conversation w/ them. The only reason I even communicate w/ them at all is b/c I feel I have to out of obligation and b/c my hubby encourages it as he has a good relationship w/ his family. I have 3 beautiful little girls; one is 3, one is 1, and one is 1 month old. I love my babies, but I still have issues w/ trying to be the perfect mom due to stuff w/ my own childhood.

"Maybe your counselor should advise on ways to do that without leaving you in the clouds with such a tall order" I know! Tell me about it! Therapist says that if I can let go of the idea of having a normal childhood and move forward, I should be able to stop trying to be perfect at everything and thereby decrease most, if not all of my anxieties. I asked him to tell me how to do this, but he wouldn't. He said I need a couple weeks to think about it!

[just1]

Counselors are always focused on making money. I mean, making you wait a few weeks, what a waste of money. If he really wanted to help, he would've done something from the beginning, and not wait till the end.

As for your problems, learning how to let go is a difficult thing to do. I don't know what you really went through so I can't say something for sure. But what I think you should try doing is first forgive yourself for not being perfect. Because in order for you to move on with your life, you have to forgive your parents, but in order to forgive others, you first have to forgive yourself.

So, take the time to forgive yourself and simply move on. After that, forgive your parents. I know trying to forgive others is a difficult thing to do but heres something I like to do when i'm mad.

I simply look at the person that I'm mad at and imagine them being babies. This way, I can see that all of us were born the same way and all of us, through time, just made mistakes along the way.

I like that concept because it's very simple yet very powerful.

I Hope I Helped...:)

[mlh1026]

First, this is a counselor on a military installation, so it's a bit of a different situation on the $ making thing. Private counselors/therapists only get paid when you go regularly, but this isnt' like that. I've only seen this particular therapist 2 times as the lady I was seeing moved back to the states. That's neither here nor there though.

And yes you DID help! Forgiving myself is so much harder than forgiving them, but the two are intertwined. Looking at them as babies helps immensely. I have finally forgiven myself and them for what happened in the past. Now I have to differentiate b/w the anxiety behaviors that I have as a reaction to my parents/family vs other anxieties/reactions. IOW, what's me and what's a reaction to something.I feel such relief in figuring out WTH I've been doing my whole life. I'm happier than I've been in years!

[lifeconfusion6179]

You know what mlh, is there a church you can visit? Who better to teach you how to forgive others then the church. Go in there and ask to speak to a priest about your situation. They will certainly give you a few minutes and tell you how the faith teaches us to forgive those who have harmed us. In my therapy sessions i have come to the realization that my anxiety disorder stems from my mother and how she raised me. I didn't want to believe it but when i think back at her and the way she was when i was a kid no wonder i became so sensitize to my inescurities and feelings. I was mad for a few weeks about that thinking that if iwas gonna act different with her but i came to the realization that it was something that my grandmother caused on her aswell. I thought to myself this was not my mothers intentions to do this so it didn't let it affect my relationship with her. Its up to you to stop the cycle because i do believe this is something that can be passed on to your children by your behaviour and attitude towards life. I mean some people suffer dramatic experiences and then they get anxiety but for the others we can stop this and teach our kids to confidence and strong willed individuals.