Trying incredibly hard to stay positive...

[Shmafo1]

The emotional pain I feel right now is overwhelming. I feel like the other half of my relationship is missing, I'm alone right now. My boyfriend is buried under anxiety symptoms and I can't dig him out. Anxiety is taking over everything it seems. Every conversation we have lately is about anxiety. I have to force myself away from him because it hurts to be with him right now. I spent about 6 hours last night with him, and he pulled himself away from researching things about anxiety about 4 times to come lay with me and remind me not to feel like he's ignoring me, that he's just trying to find out as much as he can before deciding to take any medication, reading reviews, reading what has helped other sufferers. Any although I was doing other things (listening to music, watching TV, etc) I still couldn't help feeling hurt that he spent 5 out of the 6 hours I was there on the computer. His only concern right now seems to be researching symptoms and medications and things that will help with his anxiety. And that is good, because I want him to get better. But I'm not sure what I'm to do while he's recovering. I feel as though I don't exist to him sometimes, although I've tried my best not to take this personally, because it has nothing to do with me. No one else in his life exists to him right now either. Except I guess his siblings or dad don't think anything of is. Maybe because family relationships are different than romantic ones. I'm left to wonder 'Where is that boy I fell in love with? The one who actually loves me, too?' I feel alone, left to deal with all of my emotional pain on my own. I try not to bring up his anxiety troubles with outside people, because he's a very private person and wouldn't appreciate me announcing his struggles to everyone. But at the same time, this is a heavy thing to carry around (most days I'm okay) and deal with on my own. Most days I am fine, and keep my mind busy with other things. But today I am upset, angry, and frustrated. Hopefully I don't sound like a horrible, selfish, non-understanding girlfriend. I know that he is struggling and this obviously isn't his ideal situation either. I love him, and I will stick this out. It's just some days are harder than others, especially when his symptoms are getting worse before they get better. And today is one of those harder days. I just always remember him saying, "I will conquer this someday, and I hope you are by my side when I do." Things have to get better from here.

[Shmafo1]

Well I'm glad that I'm not a horrible person for feeling the way I do today.

When I say he's a private person, it's not just with his anxiety. It's pretty much with everything, just the way he's always been I guess.

He spends his time online reading anxiety forums, looking up what has helped other people with their anxiety. As I said before, he looked into the Linden Method and that helped him recover back in January/February. They say to occupy your mind and distract yourself, so he looks up funny things on YouTube and whatnot.

Any type of advice I could relay to him would be helpful. I know this can't be rushed, and I know things will get better, I'm just impatient. I want my boyfriend back :(

[Shmafo1]

Good news is... I bowl on a league and tonight was my last night. He showed up (did not know he was coming as I assumed he'd be in the house all day again) with roses. He said he pushed himself, and it was hard, but he managed to make the drive (45 minutes). He said he still felt ill, but he was glad he left the house.

I do recall him saying that recovery could be a "two steps forward, one step back" kind of thing. And he is pretty sure that he was recovering fine, until he tried drinking alcohol. He's read that some people recovered in a month, some it took years. So I guess it's hard to tell when you read those things.

The Linden Method thing that he was using just gave him ideas for what foods to eat, since certain things can trigger anxiety. Also told him to try meditation and gave things to avoid (alcohol being one of them). Also said, as you have, to remind yourself that anxiety cannot hurt you.

I've read into a lot of this stuff, too. Tried reading up on advice for significant others of people with anxiety disorders. But I can't really give him feedback because I have never had that kind of anxiety.

But he does know that anxiety is something he can control, he just needs to learn how so that when his anxiety starts to flare up, he can confront it and not let it cripple him like it has been. As in tonight, he pushed himself to leave the house, and nothing bad happened.

[Shmafo1]

Yea, it's more the physical issues at the moment. The nausea and the jittery feelings. I even said to him today, you left your house to go grocery shopping AND drove here to see me and nothing happened to you. Told his I was proud of him for pushing himself even though he physically didn't feel well. I think part of it is not wanting to have a full blown anxiety attack while he's out.

He had an anxiety attack at my house back in December. Woke up around 2am pacing with a racing mind and feeling sick. He got himself under control though within about 20 minutes and was able to fall back asleep. He keeps comedies on all night also, Family Guy is a frequent one. That way if he wakes up from an attack, something humorous is on to help distract him.

We're getting somewhere, slowly but surely. I just got incredibly overwhelmed today and just kept thinking 'Where is my boyfriend, and why am I the only one in my relationship right now?" But after reading your insight, and him pushing himself a little today, I feel a lot better than I did earlier.