Annonymity
04-03-2011, 03:07 AM
Its my first time writing in this forum so I just wanted to say hello to everyone :)
I had my first panic attack at the age of 13, and I think I know what caused it. I was cutting school and playing computer video games for 15-18 hours a day without any exercise, and I was also super heavy into porn and mastrubation, I used to mastrubate 6 times a day, which in my opinion isin't very healthy, but what can I do I was young and wasn't thinking at all, and I also was pretty fat back then, eating alot of junk food.
I still remember it like it was yesterday eventho almost 10 years has passed now, I played computer during the day, as usual. and then I watched some porn did some mastrubation and then some more games intill I finaly went to bed. after about 20 mins all hell broke loose my heart started beating faster then it ever had in my entire life I felt out of breath and I started to panic I ran around the room screaming yelling, it was super terrifying, I remember thinking to myself I dont wanna die this young, anwyay to make it a short story my mother took me to the hospital where they checked my heart rate etc and after that they sent me home without an explanation, and I was terrifyed lying in my bed for almost 3 months getting very bad headaches and stomach aches etc, and whenever I got medicin for my stomach or whatever i read the label where it said what symptoms you could get from using the medication and I always ended up getting them or atleast emagening to get them.
after a few months passed my body started to desensetize, my anxeity levels went down I started to running and playing soccer and I started to go back to school etc, and during this whole period i didint play computers or watch any porn. more time passed and I forgot all about anxeity and I buried all memories of it very deep down, and later in my teens I started to drink every week for almost a year, when I think back that year was the best of my life. Later I stopped smoking which I picked up when i was 15 i think and I quit drinking aswell and started working out building serious muscles.
During the time when I was working out alot I was also home alot trying to eat as much as possible to grow bigger and stronger, I was very heavy into building muscles it started to become my hobby and I also quit school altogether. And when I quit school I had even more free time which I had to fill with something, so it I started playing games again, and watching alot of porn. and after a while I started to have panic attacks again, but now it was different I wasn't that 13 year old boy anymore I could control my self and not rush to the hospital every time. I started reading up on anxeity and getting more knowlege from my psychiatrist and I learned how to defuse panic attacks and now I am at the point when I can have a serious panic attack and just pull myself together and continue doing whatever I was doing before.
But now im at a point where I feel lingering anxeity everytime I have sex or masturbate, ive given it some thought and my conclusion is that its the psychial act of ejaculation which triggers something because after that I generally more anxious and recently Ive had problems with severe tension in my neck throat(Globus Hystericus) and tension in my stomach plus tension headaches. I have a medicin called Oxascand(Oxazepam) which works wonders for me but I dont want to abuse it so I go weeks without using it because I know when I use it I love it so much I start using regularly to help my tension problems. In the end this is all theory but i've tryed to prove myself wrong, like going months without sex and mastrubation or pornografi and it has worked wonders for me but I can't live my life without sex, I wont even try it.
Ive talked to my psychiatrist of all my problems but not about the porn/videogame/mastrubation issue and she dosent know I have any problems with tension headaches or such stuff its just something I didint want to share with anyone up until this point. what bugs me is not that im doing any of these stuff, in the contrary I am very open about stuff like this. but it is what happens to me when I go into this cycle its not normal. why would my body go into fearmode when I ejaculate its like all my internal systems flare up and I get super anxious for days and very anxeity sensetive during those days. maybe its all related to that one day when I got my first panic attack. I forgot to mention aswell during the time when I was heavy into drinking and parties etc I had sex without any problems I even mastrubated regularly without any probelems and watched alot of porn without even the slightest sign of anxeity. I am diagnosed by a psychiatrist so I know its anxeity and Ive went to doctors alot doing health check up's etc so its not really anything els. I know it all sounds super wierd and I actually want to fix this issue as soon as possible. I think even know the solution, which is to quit plaing games altogether and start working to fill my day with something or even start studying again. and maybe start working out again to fill other parts of the day but I feel I cant go on before I get to the bottom of this, why is this happening and how to fix it. But i dont think I can go to work etc because I rarley eat when I have Globus Hystericus(Tension in my throat) and I feel like I have breathing problems and when I get tension headaches i feel dizzy sometimes and I dont even want to leave the house when I feel dizzy. And Ive tryed to start lifting heavy weights again but when I get to the gym and I go to the bench press or whatever and I start lifting I alrdy have tension in my head and when im lifting weights I tense up even more while trying to max my lifting, lifting heavier and it feels like my head will explode. and I cant go on the treadmill because I alrdy feel out of breath before I even start to run.
The wise thing would be to just desenetize try to socialise and when I come home read books and other stuff and just repeat the cycle intill a few months have passed and im less sensetive, I've tryed this, but its so darn boring. Dont get me wrong I love reading books but I cant read for more then 2-3 hours and even then my friends are either studying(early in the morning) or working(early in the morning) and I just end up lying in my bed with nothing to do, when I was younger it was easer to desensetize, I jwas just outside playing all the time or hanging infront of the soccer field all day long with my friends and if I was anxious I didint even have to play I just hanged out there talking etc. but now Im 23 years old I cant just hang by the soccer field all day long with 14 year olds if you get what I mean. and drinking which used to be my anxeity get away cure, is not working anymore it just makes me depressed and I dont want to add any other problems to what I alrdy have.
I had my first panic attack at the age of 13, and I think I know what caused it. I was cutting school and playing computer video games for 15-18 hours a day without any exercise, and I was also super heavy into porn and mastrubation, I used to mastrubate 6 times a day, which in my opinion isin't very healthy, but what can I do I was young and wasn't thinking at all, and I also was pretty fat back then, eating alot of junk food.
I still remember it like it was yesterday eventho almost 10 years has passed now, I played computer during the day, as usual. and then I watched some porn did some mastrubation and then some more games intill I finaly went to bed. after about 20 mins all hell broke loose my heart started beating faster then it ever had in my entire life I felt out of breath and I started to panic I ran around the room screaming yelling, it was super terrifying, I remember thinking to myself I dont wanna die this young, anwyay to make it a short story my mother took me to the hospital where they checked my heart rate etc and after that they sent me home without an explanation, and I was terrifyed lying in my bed for almost 3 months getting very bad headaches and stomach aches etc, and whenever I got medicin for my stomach or whatever i read the label where it said what symptoms you could get from using the medication and I always ended up getting them or atleast emagening to get them.
after a few months passed my body started to desensetize, my anxeity levels went down I started to running and playing soccer and I started to go back to school etc, and during this whole period i didint play computers or watch any porn. more time passed and I forgot all about anxeity and I buried all memories of it very deep down, and later in my teens I started to drink every week for almost a year, when I think back that year was the best of my life. Later I stopped smoking which I picked up when i was 15 i think and I quit drinking aswell and started working out building serious muscles.
During the time when I was working out alot I was also home alot trying to eat as much as possible to grow bigger and stronger, I was very heavy into building muscles it started to become my hobby and I also quit school altogether. And when I quit school I had even more free time which I had to fill with something, so it I started playing games again, and watching alot of porn. and after a while I started to have panic attacks again, but now it was different I wasn't that 13 year old boy anymore I could control my self and not rush to the hospital every time. I started reading up on anxeity and getting more knowlege from my psychiatrist and I learned how to defuse panic attacks and now I am at the point when I can have a serious panic attack and just pull myself together and continue doing whatever I was doing before.
But now im at a point where I feel lingering anxeity everytime I have sex or masturbate, ive given it some thought and my conclusion is that its the psychial act of ejaculation which triggers something because after that I generally more anxious and recently Ive had problems with severe tension in my neck throat(Globus Hystericus) and tension in my stomach plus tension headaches. I have a medicin called Oxascand(Oxazepam) which works wonders for me but I dont want to abuse it so I go weeks without using it because I know when I use it I love it so much I start using regularly to help my tension problems. In the end this is all theory but i've tryed to prove myself wrong, like going months without sex and mastrubation or pornografi and it has worked wonders for me but I can't live my life without sex, I wont even try it.
Ive talked to my psychiatrist of all my problems but not about the porn/videogame/mastrubation issue and she dosent know I have any problems with tension headaches or such stuff its just something I didint want to share with anyone up until this point. what bugs me is not that im doing any of these stuff, in the contrary I am very open about stuff like this. but it is what happens to me when I go into this cycle its not normal. why would my body go into fearmode when I ejaculate its like all my internal systems flare up and I get super anxious for days and very anxeity sensetive during those days. maybe its all related to that one day when I got my first panic attack. I forgot to mention aswell during the time when I was heavy into drinking and parties etc I had sex without any problems I even mastrubated regularly without any probelems and watched alot of porn without even the slightest sign of anxeity. I am diagnosed by a psychiatrist so I know its anxeity and Ive went to doctors alot doing health check up's etc so its not really anything els. I know it all sounds super wierd and I actually want to fix this issue as soon as possible. I think even know the solution, which is to quit plaing games altogether and start working to fill my day with something or even start studying again. and maybe start working out again to fill other parts of the day but I feel I cant go on before I get to the bottom of this, why is this happening and how to fix it. But i dont think I can go to work etc because I rarley eat when I have Globus Hystericus(Tension in my throat) and I feel like I have breathing problems and when I get tension headaches i feel dizzy sometimes and I dont even want to leave the house when I feel dizzy. And Ive tryed to start lifting heavy weights again but when I get to the gym and I go to the bench press or whatever and I start lifting I alrdy have tension in my head and when im lifting weights I tense up even more while trying to max my lifting, lifting heavier and it feels like my head will explode. and I cant go on the treadmill because I alrdy feel out of breath before I even start to run.
The wise thing would be to just desenetize try to socialise and when I come home read books and other stuff and just repeat the cycle intill a few months have passed and im less sensetive, I've tryed this, but its so darn boring. Dont get me wrong I love reading books but I cant read for more then 2-3 hours and even then my friends are either studying(early in the morning) or working(early in the morning) and I just end up lying in my bed with nothing to do, when I was younger it was easer to desensetize, I jwas just outside playing all the time or hanging infront of the soccer field all day long with my friends and if I was anxious I didint even have to play I just hanged out there talking etc. but now Im 23 years old I cant just hang by the soccer field all day long with 14 year olds if you get what I mean. and drinking which used to be my anxeity get away cure, is not working anymore it just makes me depressed and I dont want to add any other problems to what I alrdy have.