pixiepot
03-20-2011, 08:51 AM
This is the letter I have wrote to my doctor as i know i will struggle to get it all out face to face, id like u all to have a read and tell me if u have had the same feelings as me and what the problem could be? I am new here and would like to meet people who experience the same xxx
Hi Doctor,
I am writing everything down because I know my mind will just go blank when I see you. I feel down all the time and I hardly leave the house anymore. I never want to do anything and if I have to go out it is because people are pressuring me to, and I often cancel things because from the moment something is arranged, even fun normal things, I dread the days leading to it and the night before I just dread it and dread it so much, it is like I am being asked to shove pins in my eyes or something, then when the day comes I panic all morning and think what am I gonna do I cant possibly get out of this! I really have to go but I really dont want to but I really have to but I really really dont want to! so I have to force myself to go, but I am always so paranoid about the way I look, when I am walking down the street I feel so out of place, and everything seems so distant and foggy, probably because I have bad eye sight, but then again I wont go to the opticians. I feel like everyone is looking at me, or think I am dressed odd or I look weird compared to them. I havent even been to a dentist since I was a kid and having alot of problems with that too. I should have seen a doctor before now a long time ago but I have left it so long that now I am desperate.
I am letting everyone down but I just cant help myself anymore. I actually think I would be better off dead because my brain is so used to being this way I dont think I will ever feel normal again. I just wish I could get up and feel normal, get washed, dressed, go out and enjoy my day, but I just cant lead a normal life anymore, I feel physically unable to help myself achieve anything, I have such dreams and ambitions but am unable to do anything about it. even my writing isnt neat anymore, I feel like I have got a hole in my head.
I cant sleep at night, I lay tossing and turning, sometimes til gone half 4 in the morning, and I have to be up at 7 to get the kids ready for school, then my partner takes them as I cant go near the kids school its too crowded and seems very scary to me. I feel like a zombie in the morning from lack of sleep, and find it a huge task to just wake up.
just lately I have become abit obsessed with astrology too, I cant get through my day without reading my horoscopes as they always seem accurate and help me alot.
I always get feelings of dread, like someone has died, or something really bad is going to happen.
When Im in the bath, I feel paranoid that someone is watching me all the time, or spiders are gonna come out of the plughole and the cracks and just cant wait to get out. I think weird things like that all the time, I see pictures in my head of things happening and dont know whether its because I am phsychic or mad, its hard to explain but its like i see short films in my head. put it this way, nothing is normal to me anymore, and I absolutely hate crowds of people or meeting new people. I HATE people :( I just wish I could be alone in my own little world and never see another person again! I am rambling too much and I hope you have enough here to understand what might be wrong with me. Also I forgot to say my partner does all the shopping and stuff because of this dreading going out anywhere. I am stuck in a great big rut and dont know how to get out. I crave to be normal again.
9 months ago I had a strange awakening, where I wanted to be out everyday and I shot into action, took the kids to different places everyday and felt exhilirated. I thought I'd had a miracle cure. but it lasted about 9 days, then I fell back under again and havent felt normal since. I am glad I have wrote this letter as I would never have got all that out. I feel trapped in my own brain.
I hope you can help me xxx
Hi Doctor,
I am writing everything down because I know my mind will just go blank when I see you. I feel down all the time and I hardly leave the house anymore. I never want to do anything and if I have to go out it is because people are pressuring me to, and I often cancel things because from the moment something is arranged, even fun normal things, I dread the days leading to it and the night before I just dread it and dread it so much, it is like I am being asked to shove pins in my eyes or something, then when the day comes I panic all morning and think what am I gonna do I cant possibly get out of this! I really have to go but I really dont want to but I really have to but I really really dont want to! so I have to force myself to go, but I am always so paranoid about the way I look, when I am walking down the street I feel so out of place, and everything seems so distant and foggy, probably because I have bad eye sight, but then again I wont go to the opticians. I feel like everyone is looking at me, or think I am dressed odd or I look weird compared to them. I havent even been to a dentist since I was a kid and having alot of problems with that too. I should have seen a doctor before now a long time ago but I have left it so long that now I am desperate.
I am letting everyone down but I just cant help myself anymore. I actually think I would be better off dead because my brain is so used to being this way I dont think I will ever feel normal again. I just wish I could get up and feel normal, get washed, dressed, go out and enjoy my day, but I just cant lead a normal life anymore, I feel physically unable to help myself achieve anything, I have such dreams and ambitions but am unable to do anything about it. even my writing isnt neat anymore, I feel like I have got a hole in my head.
I cant sleep at night, I lay tossing and turning, sometimes til gone half 4 in the morning, and I have to be up at 7 to get the kids ready for school, then my partner takes them as I cant go near the kids school its too crowded and seems very scary to me. I feel like a zombie in the morning from lack of sleep, and find it a huge task to just wake up.
just lately I have become abit obsessed with astrology too, I cant get through my day without reading my horoscopes as they always seem accurate and help me alot.
I always get feelings of dread, like someone has died, or something really bad is going to happen.
When Im in the bath, I feel paranoid that someone is watching me all the time, or spiders are gonna come out of the plughole and the cracks and just cant wait to get out. I think weird things like that all the time, I see pictures in my head of things happening and dont know whether its because I am phsychic or mad, its hard to explain but its like i see short films in my head. put it this way, nothing is normal to me anymore, and I absolutely hate crowds of people or meeting new people. I HATE people :( I just wish I could be alone in my own little world and never see another person again! I am rambling too much and I hope you have enough here to understand what might be wrong with me. Also I forgot to say my partner does all the shopping and stuff because of this dreading going out anywhere. I am stuck in a great big rut and dont know how to get out. I crave to be normal again.
9 months ago I had a strange awakening, where I wanted to be out everyday and I shot into action, took the kids to different places everyday and felt exhilirated. I thought I'd had a miracle cure. but it lasted about 9 days, then I fell back under again and havent felt normal since. I am glad I have wrote this letter as I would never have got all that out. I feel trapped in my own brain.
I hope you can help me xxx