Can you help someone who doesn't seem to want help?

[NapInTheSun]

My ex-boyfriend of three years was diagnosed with severe GAD two years ago. While we were together, it was stressed over and over that you can't tell someone just to "get over it" or that is was their fault, or anything of that nature, which I completely understand. But how do you quiet that voice that thinks maybe they're not doing enough?

We broke up because, despite having been on meds and in therapy, his recovery plateaued. He was controlling the anxiety and panic attacks, but otherwise wasn't moving forward. He still couldn't or wouldn't find a job. Couldn't or wouldn't control his spending (on a credit card his parents paid for). Couldn't or wouldn't move out of his parents house. (He is 25) Every conversation we had was me soothing his anxiety about something or other. I felt like a free therapist, not a girlfriend. This is over two years, again. I couldn't take it anymore, and we broke up. How do I know what is couldn't and what is wouldn't?

The thing is, I tried everything I could think of to help him. Over this time, I suggested he: Find a new therapist, if this one wasn't helping, try different meds, try meditation or yoga, try going to support groups, get a hobby, find job training, ANYTHING, because what he was doing clearly wasn't working anymore. (I know I sound like a nag writing this, but I did my best to introduce these ideas in a compassionate and supportive way, and certainly not all at once) I went to therapy with him, I talked to him about my concerns, but nothing changed. He never once tried a single one of my suggestions, but everyday he would come to me needing my support for his anxiety.

Obviously, this breakup still preys on my mind. So tell me: am I that stereotypical person who just doesn't understand an anxiety disorder and was pushing him to do something he couldn't do?

[NapInTheSun]

Thanks Forwells! I've been feeling badly about this because (through Facebook and mutual friends) I hear he hasn't been doing well and is now back to struggling with panic attacks. I was just at my wit's end... for example, I feel like a bad person for breaking up with him because he hadn't worked in so long, but we could never have moved the relationship forward (moving in together, or getting engaged) if he wasn't working - I don't make enough to support two. Or, his anxiety manifested itself sometimes with vomiting, so he would never go out to eat (even if I paid) for fear of throwing up. Obviously, it would be a complete jerk move to force him to go to a restaurant then, but... never go out to dinner with him again? Ever? I felt like a security blanket - always there for him unconditionally when he needed support, but without even the most basic premise of a romantic relationship - I didn't even get taken on dates, and there was no question that I always, always had to be the strong one.

So it eases my mind a lot to hear that you've seen this kind of thing happen before. I've spent a lot of time beating myself up over this, not because I miss him, but because I'm worried about him. Particularly hearing that his panic attacks are back, and that he's now having trouble with him family over them. I guess I just needed to know that I wasn't totally out of line doing what I did.