Crippled by worry of what others think of me...crippled by worry of making mistakes

[lawmomoftwo]

I have experienced crippling anxiety over the last several weeks. I was an intern at a family law practice and the attorney contantly made me feel like I couldn't do anything right. I'm the type of person that will work hard and do what it takes to get the job done. After almost 5 weeks with the attorney, I would go home feeling defeated..feeling like I would never be a competent attorney and even second guessing my decision to attend law school. Because of the issues I had with constantly being put down, my school decided it would be best to finish the remainder of my internship some where else. So for the past 3 weeks I have been a a personal injury firm. At first I went in with a great sense of confidence and positivity and now I find myself getting nervous for no apparent reason. My body shakes, my arms tingle, I can speak sometimes. I fear being judged by the others in the office and beat myself up for any mistake. I constantly have thoughts of not sounding intelligent or sounding stupid. I have thoughts that people think I am strange when I open up my mouth. Im constantly worried about what others think of me. This is crippling. I tell myself these thoughts are irrational. I try to tell myself positive things but the anxiety and panic has increased and i have been overwhelmed to the point i want to crawl in bed and never get out. Has anyone else had issues with being afraid of what others think of you and feeling the need to be perfect in everything you do?

[LJC]

Hey there.

Please try not to worry, this will resolve itself, many people experience it and get through it. Your reaction is natural - it's just gone a bit too extreme as often happens when we are under pressure to perform....Although you left behind the attorney at the family practise and you might assume that you left behind all of the comments he made, it seems like they have severely undermined your confidence in your own abilities. There's an annoying mini-attorney living in your brain at the moment, criticizing everything you're doing. I once worked for a woman like that (critical of everything, no matter what) and it was amazing how clumsy I became in her presence. My last day - when I quit - I managed to pull an entire wall of paintings down onto a customer while she stood there with her arms folded...As it turned out it was actually her fault because she didn't tell me a very critical thing which would have avoided that....it was like she wanted me to fail.....you have to bear in mind that people can be very unusual creatures with strange psychologies.

There's a few things which will help resolve the situation. Be nice to yourself, support yourself, make sure you eat well, get out for walks and all that. And reassure yourself that you know full well you are more than capable - you even say it in your post "I'm the type of person that will work hard and do what it takes to get the job done."...can you suddenly be a totally different person?? No, you can't....you've just had someone on your back for long enough that doubt has crept in.

The main thing is that as time goes on your new experiences will start to overwrite the bad ones you had previously. Even if socially you don't feel too good at the moment you'll get positive reinforcement that you are more than capable of doing your job, and that will balance out the experience you had previously.....It just takes a bit of patience.

Good luck to you x

[mamascrazy1985]

my parents made me feel that way growing up like everything that i ever did was wrong or it was a stupid idea i still feel that way now. it really sucks when i go buy a outfit and my kids dont like it. it makes me feel the same way i did before like i wasnt any good. its really hard to get over or brush off . hope you are doing well

[Robbed]

it makes me feel the same way i did before like i wasnt any good. its really hard to get over or brush off .

I'll tell you what. It's the HARDEST thing to get over. Back when my anxiety disorder was at its worst, I had some CRAZY obsessive thoughts. One thought that bothered me quite a bit was the random thought of having my eyes sliced with razor blades. But you know what? I was able to overcome this. I think the thing that REALLY goes against this sort of thought (and all those common obsessive thoughts of hurting people or being hurt) is that, as frightening and disturbing as they might be, they are fundamentally irrational. Despite any emotional reaction you might have to this sort of thought, you know it is just nonsense. But feelings of inadequacy or feelings that people don't like you? These are not so easily dismissed. Particularly if you grew up around people who didn't really seem to appreciate you (whether it be parents, siblings, extended family, schoolmates, teachers, etc). I mean, how could all those people be so WRONG about you? And if they are wrong about you, how do you know they are? And how do you make yourself think you are good, capable, worthy, etc when you feel like you are the only one on the planet who thinks so? I honestly wish I had the answers to these things. Because I feel like I have come SO far in terms of recovery.........only to run into THIS all over again.

[Beachgirl]

I once heard and I believe it to be true that... The people who excel in their fields are where they are because they allowed themselves to make a ton of mistakes. Progress is rarely made without them! The key is learning not to take mistakes personally and that is what cognitive therapy taught me how to do.

[lawmomoftwo]

Thank you so much for your kind words LJC. I wish this site had a way to link up responses to my posts to my email so I know if someone replied to a post i made because I would have thanked you much sooner. Your advice is amazing and it kinda made me tear up because it's true...my confidence has gone down and I shouldnt beat myself up anymore,

[lawmomoftwo]

I'll tell you what. It's the HARDEST thing to get over..
Thank you so much for your encouragement. I wish I had a switch to stop my irrational thoughts...i guess everyone would lol.

[Beachgirl]

Thank you so much for your encouragement. I wish I had a switch to stop my irrational thoughts...i guess everyone would lol.

I used to feel this way too.... The good news is you can still learn to do this with some effort. I am living proof of it :)

[Robbed]

Thank you so much for your encouragement. I wish I had a switch to stop my irrational thoughts...i guess everyone would lol.

Believe me, I wish I could just shut off all these thoughts. Because even if they are NOT irrational (and I believe that there actually IS a great deal of truth to these thoughts for me), it certainly does me no good to think them as much as I do. Honestly, I wish I could tell you something more positive. But, having dealt with this sort of thing for SO long and seeing no resolution to it, I just find that I can't. I can, however, tell you this: your situation may not be NEARLY as bad as mine. I see little hope for myself. But this doesn't mean the same is true for you. Things could be VASTLY better for you, and I would even be willing to bet you money that they are.

[Beachgirl]

Robbed,

I applaud your encouragement and just wish you would talk to yourself the same way you talked to lawmomoftwo!
I understand how you feel, but think your way of looking at yourself as being too damaged to be fixed is just the disease talking and evidence that you have more work to do. I am and always will be rooting for you :)