SeekingAid
03-13-2011, 09:16 PM
Hey guys, this is my first post here in a while... I really need some advice and insight on my life situation, because suddenly (as of a few months ago), anxiety is trying to set up shop in my life. If you don't want to read the preface, skip down below the line.
To preface...I've always had problems with OCD ever since the ignorance of childhood has passed. Basically, as soon as I could really think, I had OCD. Now, I've never had such a case of it where it hinders my life, but it has always made things intensely uncomfortable. My family has a history of anxiety, depression, agoraphobia, etc. I personally love people, but as of late, I feel like GAD is trying to change that. The anxiety probably came from around the time I was in high school. I was terrified to learn how to drive because I waited so long to get behind the wheel (I didn't get my car, license, or first real job until I was 19). Staying at home all day because I lacked transportation while all my friends went out whenever they wanted because of cars, jobs, and so forth really got me down. But, I coped (with the help of video games) and managed not to go insane until family issues finally motivate me to move somewhere else.
I moved in with my grandparents, lazed around quite a bit until I finally was pushed into getting a car, getting a job, and going to school. I went to college for a couple years, but since late 2009 I've pretty much been just working the two jobs that I currently have. The second job was gained out of financial necessity, as my first job has been cutting hours left and right. Even with these two jobs, I can't afford to leave. My OCD is still here, although some periods of time it's stronger than others. My general anxiousness has increased greatly as of January.
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I'm 23 years old as of January, and ever since then, I felt like a switch has been flicked and I'm losing my mind one day at a time. On my birthday, I went out to eat, and ended up getting sick from something. Since that day, there have been some times where I'm fine, and other times where I have to leave work because of physical discomfort (nausea, lightheaded, necessity to go to the bathroom, stomach pains, irritable, fatigue). I would say most times I'm alright, but once or twice a week I'm getting these days where I'm just unreachable. Last week I went to have my blood tested (I hadn't been to the doctor since I was ten or so). I had a regular checkup and blood work done. All of it came back normal. To me, this was good and bad... I really thought I had some sort of infection because SURELY my mind couldn't be making me ill. However, it would seem from the results that it is, indeed, my mind hammering my body into submission. The doctor also asked me if I had trouble focusing. I do, but who doesn't? I told him it's difficult for me to sit down and read a book sometimes because I want to do other things. He prescribed Adderall, but being one who doesn't feel like medication is good for you, I refuse to take it. I don't think trouble focusing would make me have these symptoms, as I've had trouble focusing all my life and only recently have I been actually leaving work because of the illness my mind has wrought. I read somewhere that these things can be caused or brought on by a large stressor. For your reference, some of the things that have been bothering me from late last year until this year (and yes, with a lot of these I use the "what if" arguments)...
1. I'm out of school right now with no direction and no idea what I want to major in..
2. I want to move out but I don't make enough money with two jobs, mainly because of the lack of hours. I feel like I'm going to be stuck here my whole life.
3. I've always turned girls away because I'm really picky, but I finally let one in and lost my v-card to her during the summer. We tried "dating" per se, but that didn't work as I get bored easily and ended it. It hurt her feelings. We were on bad terms for a while, then became friends with benefits. This had been going on from December until early February of this year. (The reason why this was a stressor is because yes, while I wanted to do it for the most part, I also wanted to stop because I felt like I was taking advantage of her. She said she had no feelings for me anymore, but I didn't believe it. Also, my OCD kept contributing to making me do it every couple weeks even though I really didn't want to. Stressed me the hell out. But since then, it's been better and we have a working friendship.
4. I have TMJ, mainly because I grind the hell out of my teeth at night. I grind them so hard, that I have actually formed new bone in my gumlines (mandibular tori). I think this is attributed to stress and would stop if I could get my stress to stop.
5. My teeth hurt quite a bit and I'm sure I have a ton of cavities, but my dentist is not very skilled (I had to tell him where a cavity was because he couldn't find it from my x-ray) so I don't really trust him anymore and don't have anymore leads on good dentistry (silly, I know).
6. My glasses are a couple years out of date, but I for some reason can't motivate myself to get a new pair.
7. This anxiety, as I'm calling it, is the biggest stressor I have had.
I am an only child, I feel, honestly, that I'm the most intelligent person in my family barring my uncle (but he takes medication, so I know what he is going to recommend). There isn't really anyone to talk to, I feel, hence why I'm posting semi-anonymously on as many anxiety boards as I can. I feel these problems (and most problems of the mind, for that matter) can be conquered by willpower and determination. I'm not really interested in drugs, so for me, that is not an option. Speaking of drugs, I don't have any sort of drug/alcohol problem, I don't smoke, and apparently besides being underweight am in healthy condition. I always thought I may be anemic because of the symptoms I listed above, but that is not the case according to my blood work.
So, I suppose what I need to know and understand are:
To me this sounds like anxiety...am I right? How can I get rid of these things? What are some steps you have taken? What are some good resource materials to look into? Why suddenly has my mind been physically affecting me (as of this year)?
I really and truly appreciate any input, and doubly so if you actually read all I had to say. If you have any more inquiry or need clarification about my situation, feel free to ask and I'll tell you.
Thank you all,
SeekingAid
To preface...I've always had problems with OCD ever since the ignorance of childhood has passed. Basically, as soon as I could really think, I had OCD. Now, I've never had such a case of it where it hinders my life, but it has always made things intensely uncomfortable. My family has a history of anxiety, depression, agoraphobia, etc. I personally love people, but as of late, I feel like GAD is trying to change that. The anxiety probably came from around the time I was in high school. I was terrified to learn how to drive because I waited so long to get behind the wheel (I didn't get my car, license, or first real job until I was 19). Staying at home all day because I lacked transportation while all my friends went out whenever they wanted because of cars, jobs, and so forth really got me down. But, I coped (with the help of video games) and managed not to go insane until family issues finally motivate me to move somewhere else.
I moved in with my grandparents, lazed around quite a bit until I finally was pushed into getting a car, getting a job, and going to school. I went to college for a couple years, but since late 2009 I've pretty much been just working the two jobs that I currently have. The second job was gained out of financial necessity, as my first job has been cutting hours left and right. Even with these two jobs, I can't afford to leave. My OCD is still here, although some periods of time it's stronger than others. My general anxiousness has increased greatly as of January.
************************************************** *********************
I'm 23 years old as of January, and ever since then, I felt like a switch has been flicked and I'm losing my mind one day at a time. On my birthday, I went out to eat, and ended up getting sick from something. Since that day, there have been some times where I'm fine, and other times where I have to leave work because of physical discomfort (nausea, lightheaded, necessity to go to the bathroom, stomach pains, irritable, fatigue). I would say most times I'm alright, but once or twice a week I'm getting these days where I'm just unreachable. Last week I went to have my blood tested (I hadn't been to the doctor since I was ten or so). I had a regular checkup and blood work done. All of it came back normal. To me, this was good and bad... I really thought I had some sort of infection because SURELY my mind couldn't be making me ill. However, it would seem from the results that it is, indeed, my mind hammering my body into submission. The doctor also asked me if I had trouble focusing. I do, but who doesn't? I told him it's difficult for me to sit down and read a book sometimes because I want to do other things. He prescribed Adderall, but being one who doesn't feel like medication is good for you, I refuse to take it. I don't think trouble focusing would make me have these symptoms, as I've had trouble focusing all my life and only recently have I been actually leaving work because of the illness my mind has wrought. I read somewhere that these things can be caused or brought on by a large stressor. For your reference, some of the things that have been bothering me from late last year until this year (and yes, with a lot of these I use the "what if" arguments)...
1. I'm out of school right now with no direction and no idea what I want to major in..
2. I want to move out but I don't make enough money with two jobs, mainly because of the lack of hours. I feel like I'm going to be stuck here my whole life.
3. I've always turned girls away because I'm really picky, but I finally let one in and lost my v-card to her during the summer. We tried "dating" per se, but that didn't work as I get bored easily and ended it. It hurt her feelings. We were on bad terms for a while, then became friends with benefits. This had been going on from December until early February of this year. (The reason why this was a stressor is because yes, while I wanted to do it for the most part, I also wanted to stop because I felt like I was taking advantage of her. She said she had no feelings for me anymore, but I didn't believe it. Also, my OCD kept contributing to making me do it every couple weeks even though I really didn't want to. Stressed me the hell out. But since then, it's been better and we have a working friendship.
4. I have TMJ, mainly because I grind the hell out of my teeth at night. I grind them so hard, that I have actually formed new bone in my gumlines (mandibular tori). I think this is attributed to stress and would stop if I could get my stress to stop.
5. My teeth hurt quite a bit and I'm sure I have a ton of cavities, but my dentist is not very skilled (I had to tell him where a cavity was because he couldn't find it from my x-ray) so I don't really trust him anymore and don't have anymore leads on good dentistry (silly, I know).
6. My glasses are a couple years out of date, but I for some reason can't motivate myself to get a new pair.
7. This anxiety, as I'm calling it, is the biggest stressor I have had.
I am an only child, I feel, honestly, that I'm the most intelligent person in my family barring my uncle (but he takes medication, so I know what he is going to recommend). There isn't really anyone to talk to, I feel, hence why I'm posting semi-anonymously on as many anxiety boards as I can. I feel these problems (and most problems of the mind, for that matter) can be conquered by willpower and determination. I'm not really interested in drugs, so for me, that is not an option. Speaking of drugs, I don't have any sort of drug/alcohol problem, I don't smoke, and apparently besides being underweight am in healthy condition. I always thought I may be anemic because of the symptoms I listed above, but that is not the case according to my blood work.
So, I suppose what I need to know and understand are:
To me this sounds like anxiety...am I right? How can I get rid of these things? What are some steps you have taken? What are some good resource materials to look into? Why suddenly has my mind been physically affecting me (as of this year)?
I really and truly appreciate any input, and doubly so if you actually read all I had to say. If you have any more inquiry or need clarification about my situation, feel free to ask and I'll tell you.
Thank you all,
SeekingAid