BeatAnxiety1
03-06-2011, 09:20 PM
I suffered from anxiety and attacks back in 2004 and have since been 100% free about a year or so after the first incident. That was the darkest most bizarre year+ for me and I have always wanted to share my experience to others who may suffer the same. I used forums like this and they really did help me to realize that I wasn't alone so I DO know the value.
I'll just share a snippet of what I dealt with and occasionally check in to see if anyone reads or has questions or concerns. I was 33 years old, married, with a new home in Florida. I moved there in 2000 with my then fiance. Found our own new jobs, made new friends etc. I relocated there from Delaware as it was always a dream of mine. I'd have to say that it was a 'good' life. No kids, just footloose and care free.
One day in early April of '04 after some yard work, I sat on the couch in the evening and was watching a show about somebody with heart problems when suddenly mine just started beating ridiculously fast and it wouldn't stop. Like I just ran a race but I was stationary. The more I thought about it the more freaked out I got and felt panic-y. I had my now wife drive me to the emergency room still with the accelerated heart rate and cold sweat. While waiting for someone to see me I worried about what they'd find.
Well, they found nothing. They began to explain anxiety and panic attack and it sounded pretty close to what I was feeling. Getting to sleep at night became a chore, the thought of being alone was frightening. I sought explanations, even decided to go see a shrink because I MUST be going crazy. That actually began my introspective thoughts about what the root of the issue was and I'll share that.
I'm not sure how much I can get into this post here so I want to kinda cut to the chase. I'm making it sound like it was a wild weekend but this went on for better than a year. I was even prescribed Zoloft and still have the script as a badge of honor because I never filled it. I KNEW I could do this myself because I always was a confident person but this anxiety stuff shook me at my root. The thought of possibly dying in Florida away from my family back home depressed me too.
I began to look at the relationship that I was in and THERE, my dear friends.....THEREIN was the problem. Now that I had recently married my fiance and bought a home in Florida, the only missing piece to the logical life puzzle was KIDS. The thought of having kids with my wife was a scary prospect. She was not a kids person. I too wore kid repellent for a long time but always knew that I wanted them. She didn't have a mothering side to her and I knew that if that were to happen I'd have a healthy burden on my shoulders.
So, I did indeed feel alone. I just wanted to move back to Delaware and be with family as that warmed my soul and made me feel good and safe. I decided to go to a mediator, a marriage counselor to see if maybe I can muster up some support and get this wife of mine on board to move back north. THAT didn't happen.
During this time it also forced me to face some things occupationally that I felt short in. In my early 30's I wasn't doing what I felt I 'should' be in life. So I enrolled in a course of study and THAT really helped me to feel good about something and myself. I believe that is an important ingredient in getting away from anxiety and attacks. It gave me something to look forward to finally.
Another key thing I did was study and read up as much as I can on what causes there are related to anxiety. CAFFEINE was another. I absolutely cut out all things that had caffeine in it. Sodas, Excederin and lots of other hidden things. I began to go to the gym and do other physical activities. I began to eat better...more heart healthy foods (fish) These are all building blocks.
I'm going to skip ahead here and discuss THE most important thing that I did that has been the ultimate step in ridding myself of anxiety.....DIVORCE. About a year and a half after my first scare in 04, I was in love with a new girl from a new job that I worked at (another good anxiety remover...new occupation) and saw the real genuine potential for LOVE and life. That was November of '05. Skipping REAL far ahead...we were pregnant in Oct. 06...again in Oct. 08 and are now happily married with two lovely life fulfilling kids and I'm still in Florida.
Anxiety and those attacks are so far removed from my life now. It was a phase of my life that was triggered by an inner depression due to the lack of genuine love. I know all of the symptoms that people discuss on this forum as I have felt them all. They are real and I fully understand so if anyone wants to reach out to inquire or ask questions I am here to lend an ear and offer unprofessional advice.
Bottom line is...I would have LOVED to read a post like this when I was going through it back then, so I finally had the time to do it and I hope it will give somebody else the motivation to KNOW that it IS beatable and you're not crazy. What's CRAZY is how so UNbelievably intune your physical being is with your mind. I started to keep record of when I'd feel these attacks and it was usually very shortly after I had a negative thought about my life or people in it. This is something that you can control. It just takes recognition, acceptance and ultimately your own emancipation, action and effort.
J
I'll just share a snippet of what I dealt with and occasionally check in to see if anyone reads or has questions or concerns. I was 33 years old, married, with a new home in Florida. I moved there in 2000 with my then fiance. Found our own new jobs, made new friends etc. I relocated there from Delaware as it was always a dream of mine. I'd have to say that it was a 'good' life. No kids, just footloose and care free.
One day in early April of '04 after some yard work, I sat on the couch in the evening and was watching a show about somebody with heart problems when suddenly mine just started beating ridiculously fast and it wouldn't stop. Like I just ran a race but I was stationary. The more I thought about it the more freaked out I got and felt panic-y. I had my now wife drive me to the emergency room still with the accelerated heart rate and cold sweat. While waiting for someone to see me I worried about what they'd find.
Well, they found nothing. They began to explain anxiety and panic attack and it sounded pretty close to what I was feeling. Getting to sleep at night became a chore, the thought of being alone was frightening. I sought explanations, even decided to go see a shrink because I MUST be going crazy. That actually began my introspective thoughts about what the root of the issue was and I'll share that.
I'm not sure how much I can get into this post here so I want to kinda cut to the chase. I'm making it sound like it was a wild weekend but this went on for better than a year. I was even prescribed Zoloft and still have the script as a badge of honor because I never filled it. I KNEW I could do this myself because I always was a confident person but this anxiety stuff shook me at my root. The thought of possibly dying in Florida away from my family back home depressed me too.
I began to look at the relationship that I was in and THERE, my dear friends.....THEREIN was the problem. Now that I had recently married my fiance and bought a home in Florida, the only missing piece to the logical life puzzle was KIDS. The thought of having kids with my wife was a scary prospect. She was not a kids person. I too wore kid repellent for a long time but always knew that I wanted them. She didn't have a mothering side to her and I knew that if that were to happen I'd have a healthy burden on my shoulders.
So, I did indeed feel alone. I just wanted to move back to Delaware and be with family as that warmed my soul and made me feel good and safe. I decided to go to a mediator, a marriage counselor to see if maybe I can muster up some support and get this wife of mine on board to move back north. THAT didn't happen.
During this time it also forced me to face some things occupationally that I felt short in. In my early 30's I wasn't doing what I felt I 'should' be in life. So I enrolled in a course of study and THAT really helped me to feel good about something and myself. I believe that is an important ingredient in getting away from anxiety and attacks. It gave me something to look forward to finally.
Another key thing I did was study and read up as much as I can on what causes there are related to anxiety. CAFFEINE was another. I absolutely cut out all things that had caffeine in it. Sodas, Excederin and lots of other hidden things. I began to go to the gym and do other physical activities. I began to eat better...more heart healthy foods (fish) These are all building blocks.
I'm going to skip ahead here and discuss THE most important thing that I did that has been the ultimate step in ridding myself of anxiety.....DIVORCE. About a year and a half after my first scare in 04, I was in love with a new girl from a new job that I worked at (another good anxiety remover...new occupation) and saw the real genuine potential for LOVE and life. That was November of '05. Skipping REAL far ahead...we were pregnant in Oct. 06...again in Oct. 08 and are now happily married with two lovely life fulfilling kids and I'm still in Florida.
Anxiety and those attacks are so far removed from my life now. It was a phase of my life that was triggered by an inner depression due to the lack of genuine love. I know all of the symptoms that people discuss on this forum as I have felt them all. They are real and I fully understand so if anyone wants to reach out to inquire or ask questions I am here to lend an ear and offer unprofessional advice.
Bottom line is...I would have LOVED to read a post like this when I was going through it back then, so I finally had the time to do it and I hope it will give somebody else the motivation to KNOW that it IS beatable and you're not crazy. What's CRAZY is how so UNbelievably intune your physical being is with your mind. I started to keep record of when I'd feel these attacks and it was usually very shortly after I had a negative thought about my life or people in it. This is something that you can control. It just takes recognition, acceptance and ultimately your own emancipation, action and effort.
J