(Please help)I feel Crippled by Anxiety & Fear..I want to Become Normal (crying)

[lira]

Hi everyone,
I'm new to this forum.My name is Lira, age 26. Lately I feel so crippled with anxiety. I need help. Any help. I am so stressed. And all the stress in my life, they are adding up to my anxiety. How to begin with my story? I have no one to talk to. Yes, I do have a boyfriend but I haven't talk about everything with him yet. He knows that I have anxiety. And he's always trying his best to keep me calm.

I just had a major episode today. I can't get out of my house. I can't even meet my friend at the coffee shop and he's getting angry at me. He can't understand that it's a struggle for me to leave the house. How do I get help? I need a friend..and any help any method to cope with this.

I want to post my whole story (warning: it's very very long)..but I can't figure out which section is the suitable one to post it and get proper reply. Any advice would be very welcomed.I just want to get better. I'll do anything to get better. I want my life back.

Hugs *crying*
Lira

[lira]

Thanks Kev..
I am happy to find caring individuals here.
Please let me know what you think..I need advice & suggestions.
I realize I feel most comfortable working on the computer and doing typing work. Traveling is a pain for me with this condition.
Lira

[lira]

Going to a Food Stall Near Home Makes me Anxious

Anyways I just arrive from a small food stall near my house. Simply walking to the food stall (3 minutes) already make me anxious and when I am there at the stall, waiting for the seller to pack my food, I feel so anxious scared my heart beating fast and so restless. I keep asking the seller "When is my food done?". I feel so bad to the seller. It's because I am anxious. I feel like I have to be home asap. When I arrive home, all the scary feelings are gone. I really want to have my normal life back.

[sheridan41]

Hi Lira,

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so bad at the moment, but you have taken the first steps by coming to a supportive forum, to talk it through. There are ways to work through the problems with anxiety, you say that you are comfortable on the computer and there are some very effective online courses which if you pick the right on for you can make a huge difference. Search overcoming panic or cure anxiety and you'll see some programmes that can help.

Good luck!

[lira]

Thank you sheridan. My friend told me to down load the Anxiety for Dummies e-book. I will try to do it today. I feel so weak & sluggish. I have been eating so less. I want my normal life back.

[lira]

Feeling Better after Taking Valerian Herbs
Today my valerian herbs arrive (I ordered them). And I took it in the evening. Now I feel so calm and no racing thoughts also no heart palps. I can even manage to go to the kitchen when there were lots of people in it (guests). Before taking Valerian, I feel so agitated and disturbed, heart beating fast, being in fight or flight mode because listening to the people talking. I just want to return to my room and relax. But after taking the Valerian pills, I feel calm and even smile at people in the kitchen. Then I get back and brew a cup of chamomile tea and it makes me feel good as well. No racing thoughts, I can even talk calmly.

I will try to take it tomorrow afternoon and go to the food stall nearby. I will update on this. I think it will work & keep me calm. FYI, I haven't feel this relaxed and calm in a looong time. So this is nice. A good feeling. I will have a weekend getaway tomorrow as well and I will bring the Valerian pills and update the results. Wish me luck. The weekend getaway is a big thing for me, since I have been practically avoiding going out and agoraphobic for one week. I want to beat this. Can't wait to have my normal life back and get a job, be productive again. Let's fight this together!

[lira]

Update Weekend Getaway
It was quite good progress considering I haven't left my house for 1 week and walking to the food stall give me anxiety. Anyways the weekend was good but during dinner time I had gas problem leading to anxiety. I took late dinner and had conversation waiting for food so it's causing the gas build up.

I went to the food stall again before the weekend and this time..it's calm & quiet after taking a cup of Chamomile tea.

Other than that, everything was good and honestly I was happy. I bring the valerian pills with me and they help me get a good quality sleep and made me calm and drowsy.I'm proud of myself for sticking wiith the weekend plan, even during dinner I experience anxiety and heart beat becoming fast because of gas, it made me almost cancel the whole weekend, take taxi cab and go home but I'm glad I stayed with the plan. It's a challenge for me.

[lira]

Update on My Anxiety & Agoraphobia

3 days ago I manage to do groceries by myself and succeed.I was so anxious when going to the story. Part of me want to runaway and go home. But I persist. I am glad I did. I was so scared in the store and fear..what if I faint there? I tried to calm myself down and manage to do well. I feel my confidence returning. Baby steps.

Today I want to go meet a friend for coffee at a mall 15 minutes from home. I am so anxious now..wish me luck. Part of me want to go..part of me want to stay. I will update the result in 2-3 hours after I return. Wish me luck. I want my normal life back.

[lira]

Update on My Anxiety & Agoraphobia : Back from Coffee at The Mall

I just get back from Coffee & dinner with my friend at the mall, 15 minutes away from home. I was so anxious but I also want to face my fear. As soon as I sit in the coffee shop, facing the crowd, my agoraphobia kicked in. Then I changed my seat and felt a tad better. I kept calling my BF as soon as I feel panic..and it helped me calm down.

I plan only to have coffee, dinner and shop for a belt (want to use it for job interview) at the mall. Maximum 2 hours and go home. Turned out, I spent 4,5 hours at the mall today, that's longer than planned! I took vitamin B and bring my valerian pill just in case. I didn't took the Valerian because it makes me sleepy. Overall I had a good time.

[lira]

Next Plan : Lunch & Movie at the mall (10 mins away from Home) with friend Tomorrow

That's my next plan for tomorrow. Please wish me luck. I will also post the result here. I am happy for this forum, I get inspired reading your experiences and I also want to get better.

[lira]

Update on Movie & Lunch at Mall
It took me 2 hours to self talk myself & get ready. I start to chase anxiety thoughts away by focusing my mind on the latest fashions at the mall. It helps. I get excited when I am on the way because I want to see the latest trends.
I felt a bit anxious when eating and feel somewhat weak..but I am doing good so far. I am glad I went out and met my friend. This gives me a boost of confidence regarding this anxiety.

Next Plan : Job interview 25 mins away from home
Today is the big day, in a few hours I have to attend a job interview 25 mins away from home. The boss is a motivational speaker. His sister told him about my condition briefly, so on my interview I can explain more and hope that he can help me overcome this. I'm anxious and sometimes feel weak when I am anxious (because feeling anxious is energy consuming).Please wish me luck and wish me the best with the interview. I need to work again. I hope I can overcome this. Fingers crossed. I will post the results when I come back.

[j2005]

Lira,

You are doing all the right things

Keep forcing yourself to face your fears and allow this fear to pass in time

Have you seen a CBT counselor or tried the Linden method?

You are showing great improvements! Keep it up!

James

[lira]

Update on Job Interview
It was anxious in the beginning, when going to the place, etc. My employer is also a motivational coach..so he also understand how to deal with anxiety problems. I told him about my condition and he is very understanding. That gives me relief. I want to be active again and have a schedule again, so we are working on that. I spent 3-4 hours at the office that time and was comfortable gradually and going home calm

Next : Attending my First Work Meeting (after being unemployed for a year)
Today is my first work meeting. I am preparing to leave home. It's raining heavily outside so must be traffic jam. I am feeling a bit nauseaus but I try to overcome it by drinking warm tea. It will be a 25 mins journey to the office and I hope everything will be good & calm. Please wish me luck! I will update u on my progress as I return home from the meeting :) Go me!

[lira]

Update on Work Meeting Results
The journey to the meeting was in the midst of rain storm and bad weather. Traffic jam everywhere. I was a tad anxious but my good friend was there to company me and give moral support. She played audio books and calming meditative sounds. It really helped making the trip a breeze. When in the meeting, I feel a tad anxious due to cold weather but after sipping hot tea and manage to stay calm & get dinner on time, I feel at ease. The whole day was smooth and I was relieved.

Next Upcoming : Attending my First Job (Night Shift)
My boss is doing a radio show on motivation (recording)and the session is done once a week, every Sunday starting from 8-11 evening. I'm so anxious because I will be doing the journey from home to the studio myself (25 minutes by car). I have to be present because there are guests on the show who need briefing and I have to hand them the materials which I prepared. I need to leave in 15 minutes. I am anxious. I already prepare water, snacks, and my partner will company me by phone during the 25 minute trip (he lives far away from me, and he can't fetch me to the studio, because he's also working evening).

I was hesitant to go because 3 hours seem like long. But I am trying to encourage myself now. I am feeling a bit unwell perhaps because of lack of sleep. Last night I was up late, chatting on internet with some old friends. I need to manage my life better and have better sleep, before midnight. I will arrive home around 11.30 PM and will inform you how it goes. Please wish me luck. I can do it!

[lira]

Update: Return from Night Shift
As I promised, I am back. I was anxious before on the way and keep thinking "What if I pass out at the studio? 3 hours is a long time! I prefer to be at home in my comfort zone".
When I arrived, I met my boss' wife (she had anemia and passed out few times before, just like me)..and told her about my fears of passing out. She, along with her husband was very supportive and keep reminding me to breathe calm. The show guests were also very friendly. It took me awhile to get comfortable and not worry about passing out or losing breath.. and things turned out to be smooth and the ride home was also fast. I am feeling so much better. I made it today :) As I promised, I posted here immediately. I am going to bed now. See u tomorrow, board.

[lira]

Attending Business Meeting on 23 March 2011
I assist my Boss attending a Business Meeting, at 10-14 o clock. I felt a bit weak and dizzy because lack of sleep, and feel a bit anxious. But I persist and went. The meeting was smooth and I went home, feeling tired. Take B-complex, and feel more fresh until late evening. I will keep on going and posting my progress here, so I can also monitor myself. Let's beat this and get our life back, in order & achieve success!

[lira]

Lira,

You are doing all the right things
Keep forcing yourself to face your fears and allow this fear to pass in time
Have you seen a CBT counselor or tried the Linden method?
You are showing great improvements! Keep it up!
James
Yes my boss helped me with CBT (he studied that) and on April 2, I will meet again with CBT therapy. I am doing the writings and also affirmations as well. Thanks for encouraging me James. I want to learn about the Linden method as well. Taking the first step in this..is VERY HARD. But I have no choice..if I only hole up at home and do nothing, I can't pay my bills. I already used up all my savings all these years being homebound. It's time to take action. Wish me luck.

[Greg]

Lira, (and everyone else out there) first time poster

It is inspiring to see that you go through these things and find in yourself the strength and will to cope and get better and make it through another day. I also deal with levels of anxiety that at times not only frighten me, but I feel that I will surely DIE. But I don't die. I get over it and move on and prepare myself for the next 'episode'. I am not blaming anyone, and then again maybe I am, but I was not like this until I was married and then divorced(thank you Jeanne by the way,<--bitterness see...I know its ugly). I was put through a level of constant stress that I believe has changed me or damaged me, but I do also believe I can be well again. I will try to be brief(maybe too late) and tell you some of my symptoms and how I cope.
My symptoms; head buzzes and shocks(sometimes my very sight and hearing seems to dim when this happens), vertigo, nausea, heart palps, high blood pressure, very ill temper at times(and not knowing why), <-----and from that and many other symptoms comes this overall constant sense of anxiety. I feel infected somehow, not with a disease, as much as infected by my own thoughts that transforms everything and everyone that surrounds me into something that could and will hurt me(crazy right?). The weirdest of my symptoms is the feeling of something not being right with the world. Like reality is changing. Then that triggers the head buzzes and anxiety attacks. (Before I got help) I was walking in the store and my heart started racing out of nowhere and I had severe vertigo and nausea and felt on the verge of passing out. I had to lean on a stack of microwaves(in the boxes of course) and put my head down until it passed. In that few minutes of time I felt like everyone was watching me or had somehow caused this to happen to me. I felt like an outside force had caused this to happen to me and was trying to kill me. I felt as if I was going to have a heart attack or stroke and die. As the anxiety passed my mind became more rational and I knew what happened to me, anxiety attack. I mean of course I knew what was happening when it happened, but when you get into those attacks your mind can become really irrational. I went to the blood pressure machine right there in the store. My heartbeat was 130 beats a minute! My BP was 159/90! (and that was AFTER I was calm) My 'normal' is hr: 70-75 and BP 130ish/80ish.
Ok well there is the depressing side of things, sorry I even shared, but I shared in the hopes that you could know and feel that someone else(a lot of us someone elses) is going through this with you. (Anxiety of some form be it social or internal or some chemical imbalance in the brain.)
Now for solutions! Here is the short end of it (for me). My family doctor put me on klonopin and paxil. Am I saying pharmaceutical drugs are the answer for you(heck I can't even spell it)? But not at all. I am not a doctor or counselor of any kind. That might be what you need and it may not be a good thing for you at all. I personally detest drugs(pills). But I do have to say the klonopin does wonders. The paxil makes me feel funny and I discussed it with my doctor and he is weaning me off it. But the first few days of paxil in the morning and klonopin at night was an eye opener. I felt like my old self again. No social anxiety. No undue stress over things I couldn't control. Just felt like the old Greg.
The klonopin(which is something similar to xanax) stopped all of my 'nervousness' symptoms. My heart calmed within minutes of my first dose. My energy levels returned. My thoughts went back to 'normal'. Very very few minor attacks or episodes since(and those are usually when I am out in the open around a lot of people).
I search everday for some small or large thing to be happy about and confident about. Learning about what may be going on inside yourself, your brain and body, gives a sense of understanding and relief. Hearing other people's accounts also helps you not feel alone and also helps you not feel 'weird'. I swear before talking with my doctor and finding forums like this I was convinced that I was the ONLY person in the world that ever went through this and felt this way. So irrational! Now that I read the seemingly endless accounts of similar stories or EXACT stories as mine I see clearly that there are many of us going through this.
We are here with you Lira in spirit. We struggle too. And I know in all of our hearts that we wish for this to just go away for everyone.
Thank you to the owners of the site for giving us a place to share and help and recieve help and support each other. And thank you to all of you out there who post. I don't feel alone anymore. Thank you Lira for sharing. I know you came looking for support, but you can not believe the support you have given by telling your story and updates on your progress.
Keep doing your research(homeopathic, drugs, meditation, stress relief), and keep doing all the things you already know works. You seem to be very aware of yourself and your situation with the social anxiety. Please keep us updated! It helps us as much as it does you!

be well be safe be happy

greg

[cmaddox421]

I just to say that Lira and Greg, you both are giving me strength and hope :)....thanks for the post and let's keep beating anxiety!

[candystarrstarr]

Hi Lira,

welldone your doing amazing! :-) are u sti taking the valerian herb? I'm thinking of trying it my friend uses it she said it's good but gives her a headache, how do you find it?

Candy x

[tinted]

Hi lira
I hope you are feeling better.I m new here so I don t really know much about this forum yet but I just posted a thread called Hi,i m new and this is whats working for my anxiety and I though it could help.