Did something DANGEROUS today.

[Robbed]

I've been thinking about this whole social thing, and that I REALLY need both some practice and some positive experiences in this department. So I actually joined a couple of meetup groups. Of course, given my track record with these sorts of things, I know very well that things will probably not turn out well for me (this may sound negative, but unfortunately, it's reality for me). Especially if everybody knows each other and I have to try to bust ass to break into the group. But I figure that, even if the odds of success are only, say 7%, this could be something REALLY good for me if things work out. If they don't, then oh well. It's not like I'm joining the army - I can always leave. And I suppose that even THIS is good practice for me, as hopefully I can learn NOT to take failure so bad. Anyway, we'll see how this goes.

[Robbed]

This certainly isn't dangerous in the sense that my life is in danger. About the only thing that take a REAL blow is my spirit. And, admittedly, this is no small matter. At this point, I could REALLY stand to have something good happen to me.

As for things probably going bad for me, I just have to face the facts here. When it comes to social interaction (especially with groups of people), it's not like I have alot of tricks up my sleeve. Simply put, I really don't know how to make things go well. For instance, with the last meetup group I tried to join (a hiking group), I just felt like I was LOST. Everybody already knew each other in the group. Nobody really had any interest in the fact that I was there. If I was to find a place in this group, I would have had to try to break into already established cliques. I don't know how difficult of a thing this would have been for someone who is more socially adept. But for me, it just wasn't happening. I just didn't have the mojo to break through that wall and become a part of the group. And guess what? I still don't. So if these other groups are ANYTHING like the last, my membership in these group(s) is going to be REALLY short.

One of the groups is actually a group for people with social anxiety problems. On the surface, this seems like a GREAT idea. After all, you would think these folks would understand what social problems are all about. Furthermore, only six other people will be there. And smaller groups are better. But this is no guarantee that things will go well for me. They have a meetup tomorrow. So I will just have to see how things go. Let's just say that I will be taking my netbook and aircard with me to the meetup (ie my 'secret weapon'). This way, if things go bad, I'll dump the group right in front of their faces. I'm not sure about the other group. But they seem to like to emphasize the fact that they are tolerant people and welcome everybody. Don't these folks just sound JOLLY? I suppose they do. But I certainly wouldn't bet my bank account on it. After all, when it comes to names, the German Democratic Republic was anything but that.

Don't get me wrong. I SINCERELY hope that things go well for me. I would just love MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE to come back here tomorrow and say that things were GREAT. As I said before, I could REALLY use a positive experience rather than one more failure to add to that LONG list. However, I just KNOW that this is not very likely to happen, at least for ME. I just don't have the know-how to find myself a niche in your average group of people. For me to actually 'make it', these folks are going to have to be downright EXCEPTIONAL.

I'm certainly not the most religious person in the world. But let's just say that I don't expect God to cut me ANY slack tomorrow. I'm going into combat, plain and simple.

[Robbed]

Well, I went in there ready for combat. But the war was kind of a 'no-show'. I don't know if we could say that God cut me any slack. But we sure can say that he threw me a curve ball. On the positive side, the group was ANYTHING but cliquish. They actually seemed to be quite open to the company of others. HOWEVER, everyone just seemed SO 'tongue-tied'. This is, of course, to be expected with a social anxiety group. What's even more weird is that I think I actually tended to dominate things somewhat. The funny thing about me is that, sometimes when I get nervous around people, I can actually become somewhat hyperactive. This tends to happen if I DON'T feel 'shut out' by the people I am around (if I feel 'shut out', I tend to just be more quiet). But in the end, it just seemed like the people there felt REALLY uncomfortable around each other. SO much of the time, we just stood there staring at each other. It certainly felt quite awkward for me (and, from what I saw, the other folks there as well). And, in the end, the group called it quits somewhat early. I don't know whether this was a good experience for me or not at this time. And I don't know what they thought of me. Should I go back? Maybe. But I guess the good thing in all of this is that I DIDN'T come out of this whole thing feeling bitter, angry, shortchanged, or anything like that. The netbook stayed put away the whole time. And I haven't rushed to get out the group. In fact, I've even considered going to another meetup. And it's been a LONG TIME since I've been able to say anything like this.

[Robbed]

The other odd thing about this hyperactivity I speak of is that it can sometimes give people the impression that I am a MUCH more confident and outgoing person than I actually am. Or maybe other people might think I am putting on an act. But the truth is that it is neither.

[bigcat1967]

Your right about that - it's not like your joining the army.

What do you have to lose. The more you face the meetups - the better you'll get at talking to ppl.

[Robbed]

What do you have to lose. The more you face the meetups - the better you'll get at talking to ppl.

I am beginning to question just how helpful going to this group will ultimately be. I mean, the people seem to be fine. They are a little 'tongue-tied'. But they truly seem to desire attention. So it's actually pretty easy to talk to them. So what's the problem? This isn't real life. I can see myself becoming quite comfortable with these people in a short time. I mean, for the most part, I am pretty comforable with them now. And while that's certainly not a bad thing, it's really not going to help me interact with others in the real world. From my experience, people really don't want to get to know you in the real world unless you actually have something to offer them. You have to work ALOT harder to prove yourself to people in the real world. And I don't really see this group helping me with THAT.