bonniebell
02-23-2011, 10:37 PM
Hello,
I am looking for some help and support. I have an extreme fear/anxiety when my significant other gets sick- even if it is with something like a common cold. I simply cannot handle it, I can't breathe, I can't think, I feel cold, I start shaking, I can't sleep, all the usual signs and symptoms of anxiety. It is ruining my relationship and I am afraid that it will ruin my life because I won't be able to maintain a relationship with anybody because, obviously everybody gets sick. I am also afraid that my anxiety might happen someday when I have kids and I don't want to treat them the way I treat my significant other when he is sick.
When my significant other is sick I constantly question him, I tell him what he did to become sick- not enough sleep, didn't eat healthy, etc. I constantly want to ask questions because I feel so anxious, but when I ask a question like how do you feel, are you better or worse than before, did you take your medicine, etc, the answers only make my anxiety, fear and panic worse. I feel very on edge and even angry- at him, at me, at my anxiety, sometimes I have angry outbursts.
When he is not sick I am on high alert for signs that he could be getting sick and I question him about it alot. if he makes one cough or sniffle or if I think he sounds different on the phone than usual, I launch into question mode- are you sick? Are you sure? Why did you make that sound? When he is not sick, my fear of him becoming sick and triggering my anxiety causes me to bug him frequently about going to bed on time, drinking water, eating healthy, etc.
If I had it my way, when he became sick I wouldn't have to see him or talk to him until he was better. Hearing him sneeze, cough, talk in that stuff voice, makes me panic and freak out. It makes me want to hang up the phone, or run away and get out of the situation at any cost and as fast as possible.
It is just such a hard situation because the person that I love is the trigger of my anxiety and the target of it too. I often get very short with him and snippy and say mean things. Then my anxiety gets worse because I feel horrible about what I did or said and I make myself feel guilty and I am so hard on myself.
I feel like my significant other doesn't know what to do or say when this happens, plus he is sick so he is in a weakened state of tolerance. My mother has about had it with my "behavior" so I really feel alone in this and it is so hard. Its just tearing me up.
The strange thing is that the other time where I experience these kinds of feelings is when my significant other drinks, not even to the point of being drunk, but more than a couple drinks. Very similar feelings/reactions occur.
Does anybody else experience this or something similar? Does anybody else have words of advice?
i should note that by way of some background, I am a 29 year old female, divorced from an emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship, and a failed engagement to another emotionally and psychologically abusive individual before that. In both relationships the person I was with had a chronic illness which lead to what I feel were traumatic illness related incidents, and in one of the relationships drinking was an issue.
When my anxiety first started about 5 years ago I went to a psychologist regularly, but stopped going on a regular basis (because my anxiety is in such limited circumstances and I am a normal, functional person any other time, I even hold a well regarded job in my community, it is hard to go on a regular basis because the anxiety occurs in such specific circumstances and I have a hard time tapping into those feelings and thoughts when life is good and normal). I did return to that psychologist about 6 months ago for two short visits after a flare up, he has since recommended I try EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). I am learning about this still and find that it gives me some relief, and I am hoping more relief will come as I use it more. However, I would really like to find something that can stop the anxiety reaction sooner. Has anybody tried EFT and had success?
I am looking for some help and support. I have an extreme fear/anxiety when my significant other gets sick- even if it is with something like a common cold. I simply cannot handle it, I can't breathe, I can't think, I feel cold, I start shaking, I can't sleep, all the usual signs and symptoms of anxiety. It is ruining my relationship and I am afraid that it will ruin my life because I won't be able to maintain a relationship with anybody because, obviously everybody gets sick. I am also afraid that my anxiety might happen someday when I have kids and I don't want to treat them the way I treat my significant other when he is sick.
When my significant other is sick I constantly question him, I tell him what he did to become sick- not enough sleep, didn't eat healthy, etc. I constantly want to ask questions because I feel so anxious, but when I ask a question like how do you feel, are you better or worse than before, did you take your medicine, etc, the answers only make my anxiety, fear and panic worse. I feel very on edge and even angry- at him, at me, at my anxiety, sometimes I have angry outbursts.
When he is not sick I am on high alert for signs that he could be getting sick and I question him about it alot. if he makes one cough or sniffle or if I think he sounds different on the phone than usual, I launch into question mode- are you sick? Are you sure? Why did you make that sound? When he is not sick, my fear of him becoming sick and triggering my anxiety causes me to bug him frequently about going to bed on time, drinking water, eating healthy, etc.
If I had it my way, when he became sick I wouldn't have to see him or talk to him until he was better. Hearing him sneeze, cough, talk in that stuff voice, makes me panic and freak out. It makes me want to hang up the phone, or run away and get out of the situation at any cost and as fast as possible.
It is just such a hard situation because the person that I love is the trigger of my anxiety and the target of it too. I often get very short with him and snippy and say mean things. Then my anxiety gets worse because I feel horrible about what I did or said and I make myself feel guilty and I am so hard on myself.
I feel like my significant other doesn't know what to do or say when this happens, plus he is sick so he is in a weakened state of tolerance. My mother has about had it with my "behavior" so I really feel alone in this and it is so hard. Its just tearing me up.
The strange thing is that the other time where I experience these kinds of feelings is when my significant other drinks, not even to the point of being drunk, but more than a couple drinks. Very similar feelings/reactions occur.
Does anybody else experience this or something similar? Does anybody else have words of advice?
i should note that by way of some background, I am a 29 year old female, divorced from an emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship, and a failed engagement to another emotionally and psychologically abusive individual before that. In both relationships the person I was with had a chronic illness which lead to what I feel were traumatic illness related incidents, and in one of the relationships drinking was an issue.
When my anxiety first started about 5 years ago I went to a psychologist regularly, but stopped going on a regular basis (because my anxiety is in such limited circumstances and I am a normal, functional person any other time, I even hold a well regarded job in my community, it is hard to go on a regular basis because the anxiety occurs in such specific circumstances and I have a hard time tapping into those feelings and thoughts when life is good and normal). I did return to that psychologist about 6 months ago for two short visits after a flare up, he has since recommended I try EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). I am learning about this still and find that it gives me some relief, and I am hoping more relief will come as I use it more. However, I would really like to find something that can stop the anxiety reaction sooner. Has anybody tried EFT and had success?