worry worry worry

[hopeinGod]

Hey guys,

I'm glad to have found this site and I hope that you guys will provide a bit of reassurance for me. I had a good childhood yet I was in a highly dysfunctional family. I love my parents immensely but some things could have been different. Anyway, I recall having panic attacks every now and then throughout my life and I would get down just like anyone else. I've dealt with insecurity and self-esteem issues as well.

I have been in college for a long period of time (over a year) during which time I never came home. I was getting bad grades and would feel anxious about going to class and being in social settings. I saw the counselor and it was thought I had a mood disorder and should take some time off from school. First 3 months of being off I was actually doing well and had a very optimistic perspective. In traveling back home from across the country however I had an elevated level of anxiety that tapered off a bit when I got home..but then it came back and became more chronic. Even typing these words scares me as it seems that I want to deny these feelings. I know that a charming, functional guy (when I'm not anxious in social situations at times) intelligent guy still is there underneath this anxiety and I guess the depression that comes with it. Anxiety scares me, depression even more so..I've been dealing with derealization, hot flashes/panic episodes, and strong negative thoughts (of hopelessness and what not), some existential fears yet I still have hope. It's been about 2 months of this now and I just want to talk to someone before my next (2nd total) therapy session in a week. When the anxiety tapers off a bit I feel a strong sense of hope, but then despair and anxiety that I will worsen to the point of no recovery or that I will become depressed later in life due to reading obsessive reading and research I've done on the net. Hope someone out there has been willing to read this. I could really use some comfort. God bless you guys.

[hopeinGod]

Not medicated and don't plan on taking any..my therapist has given me a good outlook on recovering. I sincerely need to see her..but am dreading another week of this

[hopeinGod]

Hey forwells and thanks for the welcome,

It just scares me because it's not the type of life I lived or imagined for myself. And then reading about the statistics over people who commit suicide due to prolonged dealings with anxiety and depression really worry me. I'm not suicidal but those statistics keep scaring me into thinking I may become that way

[hopeinGod]

Thanks forwells,

I'm still pretty freaked out but I'm just going to try and chill.

[gaara]

Thanks forwells,

I'm still pretty freaked out but I'm just going to try and chill.

hey man,

you should read my thread I posted and see if you can relate because from what you're telling me it sounds exactly like what I'm going through.

I used to be normal, good days, bad days, depressed days, angry days etc like any normal person would have, never did I ever think of it as anxiety or depression etc.

Lately though things have gone sour and my anxiety level went up which was then followed by depression, but for whatever reason i just can't get out of it myself this time which increased my anxiety which increased the depression.

Like you, i've researched like crazy and it just made me a lot worse. Derealization..tell me about it that's the worst sympton..can you describe exactly how you feel so i can compare if it's the same as what i'm going through?

Also, like you, I fear that i'll never get out of it and i'm losing hope and it scares the shit out of me. Suicide stuff, meds, side effects, not being normal again scare the SHIT out of me to no end and it just makes everything worse.

It's come to a point where i don't get excited about ANYTHING, not even porn haha and that used to always be awesome (forgive my blunt-ness and rude-ness).

I'm going to schedule seeing someone but I really think docs and all them are just there to prescribe you pills, all I want to do is to talk to a professional that will HELP me regain some hope. As long as I have a good amount of hope I can build off that and get myself out of it. I feel I just need a boost.

[hopeinGod]

Yeah the derealization just feels like I'm detached from the things around me. I can sometimes feel it coming on as it feels like blood is being constricted in my head..but it just feels like I'm floating sometimes. This was certainly one of the scariest aspects of what I'm dealing with but being anxious about being anxious is proving to outdo that..I have to remind myself and you to that we should just ride this thing out with (my) faith in God and keep it pushing. I just tell myself that this can't last forever

[gaara]

Yeah the derealization just feels like I'm detached from the things around me. I can sometimes feel it coming on as it feels like blood is being constricted in my head..but it just feels like I'm floating sometimes. This was certainly one of the scariest aspects of what I'm dealing with but being anxious about being anxious is proving to outdo that..I have to remind myself and you to that we should just ride this thing out with (my) faith in God and keep it pushing. I just tell myself that this can't last forever

Good, as long as you feel normal for a few hours or even a few minutes you can build off that. Keep it close to you and when you're in a rut again just remember the moment that you were ok and you KNOW that it'll come back soon. It'll get your mind off of it and before you know it the normal feeling will come back again.

The normal feeling will last longer, and longer and longer until normal will become the norm again and you'll wonder how you ever felt anxious/depressed/detached.