YungandAnxious
02-07-2011, 02:42 PM
Here's another story which was extremely more scary then my first that this one was so absolutly frightening to me that I believe this is actually what developed my disorder.
Shortly after my first panic attack in my 19 year old friend's house (me and aaron are 16 btw). We decided to hang out again, we chilled all day and my and micks house (19 yr old dealer). When my grandma went to bingo on this saturday we bought some more weed and this time their was alot more and I got to keep what I paid for so I was straight. So we hooped in my backyard untill my grandma left then it was time to roll up and I started feeling anxious and extremely scared again. So Mick was rolling up a huge super blunt and Aaron and I were really exited (I was actually exited at the time cuz I suppossidly "cleared my mind" which I thought helped me with my anxiety. Anyway it was huge and I was starting to feel the anxiety again and it was like Mick could sense it and took advantage of me by asking me to give some of my weed for the next blunt which was even bigger and horrified in fear trying to contain myself of course I said yes into the pressure. So we finished rolling our blunts and took em outside to hoop and smoke (I felt soo good because hooping involved movement and after my last experience I developed a fear or sitting still which I still have to this day) so I light one blunt and Mick light the other and Aaron was shooting around (we took advantage of him at this moment cuz he bought most of the weed). So 2 of us were smoking and one was shooting around and we took turns back and fourth from one person hooping and 2 smoking. After my like 5th hit which was huge on this super blunt is when the anxiety was coming back and I was feeling more scared then ever to sit still. So we continued hoopin shootin around then I offered to run some 21 after the the huge blunt to keep us from going inside and sitting still. So we ran 21 and I won and Mick was offerin to go home (I think it was cuz of how I reacted last time) so I felt that extreme happiness and safe feeling again and went inside with Aaron. Next thing I know Mick had came back and asked if we could chill at his house for a while cuz I had forgoten my hoodie there anyway and Aaron had to leave so I was like GULP *I'm high as hell and can't chill theres no way I'll make it past his parent's*. Me acting weird and unsure we headed to his house, he told me the rules again which added on to my horror. So we make it there and I was looking to run in the basement, make up an exuse, grab my hoodie and get the fuck outta there. BUT the scariest moment happend cuz I had to stand still (the moment that I beleive developed my anxiety. From moving around like crazy playing basketball and walking for like an hour or so I guess my adrenaline was going nuts and his mom asked him for some help with somthing and I was going to jet for the basement but he made me stay. Scared out of my fucking mind absolutely horrified his mom asked me some questions and I was acting scared as hell too, I couldn't stand still my legs felt like jello. So she starts acting like I was suspicious and shit and asks what we were really doing at my house, my heart raced like sea biscuit and I swallowed and said just playing basketball and video games. Then she started like trying to scare me and asked more questions about school, age and shit and people I was high so I felt like I was in a dream and scared like I was in a torture chamber in hell I mean I cannot begin to explain the fear. So I feared she'd see my red eyes and just stopped her from talking and told Mick I had to get my hoodie and go, so that's what I did. Again as I was leaving I felt the biggest weight from my shoulders and my feeling of safety and my happiness from being high came back I don't think I've ever felt so relived in my life more then I did when I left his house. Long story short now after that those feelings stuck with me anytime I got high either alone or with people and to this day I still can't enjoy a nice relaxed high anymore and now I experience extreme social anxiety even while sober, I eliminated all my friends from my life and dropped out of school AGAINST MY WILL b/c of my anxiety
Shortly after my first panic attack in my 19 year old friend's house (me and aaron are 16 btw). We decided to hang out again, we chilled all day and my and micks house (19 yr old dealer). When my grandma went to bingo on this saturday we bought some more weed and this time their was alot more and I got to keep what I paid for so I was straight. So we hooped in my backyard untill my grandma left then it was time to roll up and I started feeling anxious and extremely scared again. So Mick was rolling up a huge super blunt and Aaron and I were really exited (I was actually exited at the time cuz I suppossidly "cleared my mind" which I thought helped me with my anxiety. Anyway it was huge and I was starting to feel the anxiety again and it was like Mick could sense it and took advantage of me by asking me to give some of my weed for the next blunt which was even bigger and horrified in fear trying to contain myself of course I said yes into the pressure. So we finished rolling our blunts and took em outside to hoop and smoke (I felt soo good because hooping involved movement and after my last experience I developed a fear or sitting still which I still have to this day) so I light one blunt and Mick light the other and Aaron was shooting around (we took advantage of him at this moment cuz he bought most of the weed). So 2 of us were smoking and one was shooting around and we took turns back and fourth from one person hooping and 2 smoking. After my like 5th hit which was huge on this super blunt is when the anxiety was coming back and I was feeling more scared then ever to sit still. So we continued hoopin shootin around then I offered to run some 21 after the the huge blunt to keep us from going inside and sitting still. So we ran 21 and I won and Mick was offerin to go home (I think it was cuz of how I reacted last time) so I felt that extreme happiness and safe feeling again and went inside with Aaron. Next thing I know Mick had came back and asked if we could chill at his house for a while cuz I had forgoten my hoodie there anyway and Aaron had to leave so I was like GULP *I'm high as hell and can't chill theres no way I'll make it past his parent's*. Me acting weird and unsure we headed to his house, he told me the rules again which added on to my horror. So we make it there and I was looking to run in the basement, make up an exuse, grab my hoodie and get the fuck outta there. BUT the scariest moment happend cuz I had to stand still (the moment that I beleive developed my anxiety. From moving around like crazy playing basketball and walking for like an hour or so I guess my adrenaline was going nuts and his mom asked him for some help with somthing and I was going to jet for the basement but he made me stay. Scared out of my fucking mind absolutely horrified his mom asked me some questions and I was acting scared as hell too, I couldn't stand still my legs felt like jello. So she starts acting like I was suspicious and shit and asks what we were really doing at my house, my heart raced like sea biscuit and I swallowed and said just playing basketball and video games. Then she started like trying to scare me and asked more questions about school, age and shit and people I was high so I felt like I was in a dream and scared like I was in a torture chamber in hell I mean I cannot begin to explain the fear. So I feared she'd see my red eyes and just stopped her from talking and told Mick I had to get my hoodie and go, so that's what I did. Again as I was leaving I felt the biggest weight from my shoulders and my feeling of safety and my happiness from being high came back I don't think I've ever felt so relived in my life more then I did when I left his house. Long story short now after that those feelings stuck with me anytime I got high either alone or with people and to this day I still can't enjoy a nice relaxed high anymore and now I experience extreme social anxiety even while sober, I eliminated all my friends from my life and dropped out of school AGAINST MY WILL b/c of my anxiety