Day ruined by someone I couldn't even see...

[Dr. Rockso]

It's been bugging me since it happened (ruined an otherwise great day) and after making things worse by reading online that I couldn't even do anything about this legally if I wanted to, I just needed someplace to talk to fellow anxiety sufferers who might have been in a similar situation.

I finally had a day off work after a six day work week and, since the weather was almost spring-like today, I decided to clear some of the snow from the yard so my dog could wander around out there for a bit.

It would help to explain I live in a suburban area, so a typical area with 2-3 story houses on all sides, and a condo with the balcony area overlooking all the yards a few houses down.

Well, as I'm outside shoveling snow, I hear someone yelling. There's no one else outside but me, and the yelling is echoing from somewhere, not solid, like if someone was standing in the next yard over or something. Anyway, as this continues on, I realize this person is yelling at me.

Basically, it went like this:

Hey, you! <insert homophobic slur here>, you shovel that snow like a <insert homophobic slur here>! You long-haired <insert homophobic slur here>! I cut the ponytails offa <insert homophobic slur here> like you! You're not a man, you stupid <insert homophobic slur here>!

I just ignored it and finished shoveling as the person continued on in this manner, then went into the alleyway where it stopped (which I suppose meant I was out of his line of sight), then went and sat out front for a few minutes, somewhat shaken, before going back in the house.

What really bothered me most about it, was the fact that I couldn't see who it was or where it was coming from! I didn't dare actually stop to look around because I knew it would probably only spur him on, and also the fact that even if he was just drunk/having a laugh at my expense, there was more genuine hate in his voice then the typical "Dur hur you loser!" type ribbing I've experience in the past for, well, not conforming to societies norms (being the long haired/mutton chopped metalhead type that I am).

It was also a terrible feeling being outside and all alone while this went on. I might as well have been the only person in the entire neighborhood while it went on, completely helpless against someone I couldn't even see.

Then there was the whole idea of this guy knowing what I look like and knowing where I live and I keep thinking that this guy could easily just come to my HOUSE one day and give me a hard time (or worse), and I'd have no idea who to look out for.

When my mother came home from shopping, I told her that I shoveled the walk and also about the incident and I panicked and grabbed her coat to pull her inside when she went outside (to see where I shoveled) because I was convinced she was going to try and see what was going on and that something would happen.

I'm also really worried if this is going to be an ongoing thing I'll experience every time I go into my yard. I do have a garden, I like to BBQ and in the summer spend a lot of time outside with the dog and I keep thinking what if this guy keeps this up? Or did he just pick me because I happened to be outside at the time and it could have been anyone?

Ugh. I guess... this is a really open-ended post without any real means of resolution other than to just go back out there and hope it doesn't happen again (not that I'd know what to do if it does, I mean I don't know this guy and what he's capable of); it happened and I just needed to get it out of my system, in hopes that it might help me feel a little more at ease over the whole thing, y'know?

[Spanky]

Totally know what you mean man. There was a time this past summer where our neighbor was having work done on her house. The guy working for her was sloppy and was leaving a mess on my side of the yard. I went out there and confronted him about saying it's his job and he should clean up the area he worked. He argued back saying it wasn't his problem and that he didn't need to clean it up. I didn't back down and insisted he clean it up or else he was going to be reported(don't think he was doing the work legally anyways, never once seen a permit person there). Finally he ended up cleaning the mess he made and left. I had anxiety for a couple nights thinking he was gonna come back and do something to the house or myself since he didn't like "people who pay attention to small details". Nothing happened but I understand your concern. Just keep an eye out for the guy and if he continues to harass you take note of it and take it up with the authorities.

[Robbed]

This guy sounds like a real weenie. After all, he can't even say the things he said straight in your face (or even in plain sight of you, for that matter). That means he is just a coward trying to make himself feel better by picking on someone he sees as an 'easy target'. Of course, I can't be certain as to what the best course of action is that you should take (ie whether you should try to confront him - this is ultimately up to you). But one thing you might consider doing while outside is recording this guy with an mp3 or tape recorder (most cellphones make make audio recordings, too). This way, if things escalate, you will have some evidence. But somehow, I don't think it is extremely likely this will happen.

On the other hand, it is also possible that this person doesn't even live in your neighborhood. This is especially likely if you have lived in this neighborhood for some time and have not had any prior problems (any nobody new has recently moved in nearby). He could have just been passing through (but not visible, since he might have been hiding behind a bush or in a vehicle). Or he could have been a visitor.

[Dr. Rockso]

This guy sounds like a real weenie. After all, he can't even say the things he said straight in your face (or even in plain sight of you, for that matter). That means he is just a coward trying to make himself feel better by picking on someone he sees as an 'easy target'. Of course, I can't be certain as to what the best course of action is that you should take (ie whether you should try to confront him - this is ultimately up to you). But one thing you might consider doing while outside is recording this guy with an mp3 or tape recorder (most cellphones make make audio recordings, too). This way, if things escalate, you will have some evidence. But somehow, I don't think it is extremely likely this will happen.

On the other hand, it is also possible that this person doesn't even live in your neighborhood. This is especially likely if you have lived in this neighborhood for some time and have not had any prior problems (any nobody new has recently moved in nearby). He could have just been passing through (but not visible, since he might have been hiding behind a bush or in a vehicle). Or he could have been a visitor.

After getting it out of my system and sleeping on it, I actually think it was the case of someone visiting. I totally forgot yesterday was Superbowl Sunday and it was brought to my attention it could have just been some drunk guy just entertaining himself until the game started.

I mean, yeah, I've lived here for 13 years and this kind of thing never happened to me or anyone else for that matter. Generally while we don't really interact with the people who live in the houses behind us, you usually see people in their yards during the warmer weather, so there's really nobody we haven't met or seen, though I'm not really sure about any new neighbors, not that it'd matter. There are a lot of young kids that live around here so I doubt it would be tolerated by the community on the off-chance it continued into the spring/summer.

[Zuena]

I am sorry to hear that this happened to you. I am gay and have learnt to ignore the stares and slurs.

I think we live in a very insecure world these days. There are some serious freaks out there and you never know if is your lucky day to run into one of them. There is no such thing as trust thy neighbour anymore and people are only out to look after themselves. When something like this happens, it is bound to leave you feeling unsafe and insecure for a while. I read a while ago about a woman who was hijacked outside her house and she was seriously injured but luckily they only took off with her car and left her behind. She ran to the neighbours and they told her to lie down in the grass while they called the police - they refused to open the door for her.

Scary world. Very scary.

Z

[Itz Omi]

How scary!!! I think you hit the nail on the head, though - it must have been some drunk-as-a-skunk knuckle-dragger. His team musta lost and he took it out on you.

I doubt you have to worry. He probably doesn't even remember the incident nor where he was and how he got there.