great life - why cant i get over it?

[raychscott]

I have had anxiety since the summer before high school. I've gone to counseling and been on meds before. Most of my anxiety came from my step dad and when I moved out, I thought hey this is it, I'll be fine. Now I'm living with my boyfriend and it's been getting worse. and the worse it get, the more upset with him I get, and it's not his fault, any of it.
But I expect so much of him, and the second something doesnt happen that i have expected, the anxiety bursts. Sometimes it's so bad all i can do is vent on him. And we dont fight, he's so laid back, and i know everything i say upsets him.
And nights like tonight, where i expect him to see how stressed and upset i am, i just get so much worse.
I can;t expect him to save me, but i dont know what else to do.
I always had a stress reliever, like writing for years, but now all i do is write negative things and it makes it worse, then it was something else, but it's not always available.
I guess i'm just looking for a solution, or something to help. I'm so emotional, and so paranoid, my boyfriend has to check the closests most of the time. And I'm so nervous that he's just going to leave. he's so supportive, but i'm so worried.
And with no health insurance I cant see anybody.

[Itz Omi]

Hi there!

I don't know if you are a religious person, but churches have people that can counsel you for free. It really does sound like you need to talk with someone and work the issue out that you still have with your stepfather. You do not want to continue unloading on your sweet boyfriend - he sounds like a keeper and you want to keep it that way.

Please do look into the church counseling, seriously, because it sounds like a deeper issue than anyone can really help you with here. I mean, we can try, but you really need to be face-to-face with someone as this goes beyond an "anxiety issue." Somebody needs to go in-depth with you and peel off the layers and get to the root problem.

Good luck to you!!

[Robbed]

One thing that needs to be understood about anxiety disorder is that once established, it doesn't just go away when you remove the stressor that caused it. In fact, SO much of the time, once anxiety disorder gets established, the original stressor ceases to be relevant. And anxiety disorder itself (along with its symptoms) becomes the MAJOR stressor. This is definitely the way things were for me. When anxiety disorder hit me, I didn't even care about my original stressors (it was not until the disorder really started to subside that they unfortunately became relevant again). But the good news here is that you really don't need to figure anything out here. The key to recovery is to try not to stress over anxiety disorder (or its symptoms), try to live your life as best as you can, and allow yourself the time necessary to recover. This last factor is particularly important, since recovery is generally never rapid. Also, there will be times during which anxiety seems to get worse for a while. This often happens for little or no apparent reason, although it is not necessary to figure out why this happened (if the reasons are not apparent, trying to figure things out will only make things worse). But the most important thing to remember is that, regardless of what any doctor tells you about this being lifelong, you can get over this. And you will probably do so mainly by doing little to nothing more than letting time pass (this is the 'dirty little secret' about anxiety disorder that doctors and therapists don't want you to know - their livelihood DEPENDS on you not knowing this).

[Itz Omi]

Robbed,

I see your point, and it's true, anxiety takes on a life of its own once it gets going, and it becomes its own problem independent of the original stressor. But I think she has a little more going on here.

[raychscott]

Itz Omi-
I am unfortunately not a religious person, my family was never into the church scene. I've tried to put myself there, especially when the anxiety came about, but it never really fit. So I don't think its an option. I know I do need to see someone, atleast someone who understands, my boyfriend does his best, and does calm me down eventually. But that's after days of stress and fighting. He doesn't understand how to deal with it. I'm just not completely sure who or where to go. My family went through counseling at a local state opperated place, but I'm in a new state where I'm not close to anyone.

Robbed-
I can only hope that this goes away. Right now my anxiety isn't where it was when I first wrote. But it's been increasing for a month now. I had hoped that I had gotten rid of it before this spell so at first i thought it was that normal stress of starting in a new place.

But it's worse than ever now. I'm hoping with patience it will calm itself, but until then I will need a little help. Sometimes I feel as if I'm crazy, I walk out the door thinking he's better off without me. And it's so exhausting. I can't do anything calm and I'm one to scratch myself whenever possible, so I get scabs, which makes me more anxious.

Any thoughts on where to go, or who to see? I stopped taking meds because my mom takes so many for a few disorders, and I'm not a fan, but maybe it may help?

Thank you so much for your input, it's nice to talk to others who understand.

[Itz Omi]

Yeah, church counseling might not work for everyone, but I was trying to think of something free...

I am going to PM you, OK? :)