Can anyone help ME ?

[anxiously]

Hey, this is my first post. It's going to be long but i have to put in as much information as i can in it, so please bare with me.

Im 21 years old now and my perception of everything that is going on around me is all messed up.
I did not know what anxiety was through out all of my high school years, however i did always have social anxiety since i was really young. I did my best to avoid meeting new people but when push came to shove, i would always manage to carry on conversations with people and would slowly ease myself into comfort. I began drinking alcohol in social situations around the age of 16 and it blew my mind, it was the best feeling being drunk or tipsy around anyone. I was boosted with unbelievable confidence and i would say anything on my mind that i could not dare say sober... (sadly, i said some things that should not have been said)
Around the age of 17, i started smoking marijuana heavily. It would make movies better, food taste better, listening to music was so enjoyable ( the lyrics would make so much sense ) but i did experience some bad minor trips, whenever i would smoke too much in a short period of time but it was nothing serious, 30 minutes later i would be all fine again.
To explain the trip if you don't know what i mean... its pretty much paranoia, confusion, constantly questioning every thought that pops into your head, constant sweating and sometimes trouble breathing comfortably.
by the time i was 19, i stopped getting the buzz that marijuana and alcohol gave me. It would just get me tired or sleepy, i mean it still would affect me but i didn't get that release of happiness that would last for hours.
So i decided to stop smoking marijuana and the binge drinking, thinking that i would surely feel that same feeling when you would feel on friday afternoon when the last period in school would end, or when you are on the bus and this great song comes on your ipod, triggers of happy memories from your childhood, or when you had your first hook ups with girls. It would feel like this injection of happy chemicals in your brain, and you would get this warm and relaxing feeling and you wouldn't have a single worry on your mind.
I was complaining to my friends that i wanted that good old feeling again and they told me to try ecstasy. I tried it maybe 6 times and it really did do the trick, i felt great ! I thought that this would be the next "thing" to enjoy recreationally. One night i took this X pill that was apparently meant to be really good, at first it was all the same buzz that i was used to. 2 hours after i was tripping out, i thought i was dying... i was hallucinating and i could not hold a thought in my mind. It felt like everybody was against me and i was really scared, then i threw up so i thought i would go home and sleep it off.( i could not sleep till 6 am, thinking there might've been a trace of speed in it)
The next day i woke up, the panic was gone and it felt like everything was back to normal except for this terrible nausea i had. The weeks went on and i thought i was back to normal, but i could still feel this uneasiness like something just wasn't right.
Later one night, i had this completely out of the blue "episode", exactly like what i was experiencing in my bad X trip, i went to the hospital and was told it was a panic attack and that i am fine. I believed it and tried not to think about it, but every week or 2 i would have a panic attack then feel fine in the morning, it wasn't till maybe a month after when i experienced my longest panic attack ever, it lasted about 3 hours !! i was scared of losing my mind it was that severe, anyway i thought that when i would wake up it would be back to normal again... but it wasn't. Since that morning a year ago, i have been living in this cloud of anxiety... that cloud is constant worry over everything which i never even gave me the least bit of stress before. Everything was a trigger, if my friends were getting high i would freak out, if someone was doing drugs in a TV SHOW i would freak out !!!! if i had 5 beers i would get nausea and breathing difficulties.I have not done any drugs in more than a year now and I thought that like there was something still in my system that just wouldn't leave me alone, but the doctors would always reassure me that it has been a year and its just not possible. All the activities that i used to enjoy under the influence make me uneasy now, and sometimes i get this strange perception of reality, where everything that used to be comforting and enjoyable, now seems distant ... cold... stressful.

all i want to do is just feel relaxed and happy like i used to and not worry about everything in my everyday life, that should not be worth worrying about like i did when i was worry free 3 years ago.... is this the result of drugs ? people keep telling me its all in my mind and i should just not think negatively. But i cant help it, i try and do things that i used to enjoy doing, but i just lose interest in them now.

has anyone gone through this or something similar? will this just pass? is it part of becoming an adult? thank you for your time reading this and i would appreciate feedback :)

[jimmy2shoes]

I can relate massively. When i've got time, I'll shoot you a proper reply.
I smoked weed - from about 16-19 heavily. Loved weed, Loved tv shows, eating food high - late night trips to 7 eleven and spending 15 bux on sweets. Man, good times. But they all come to an end, and I miss it. Anyway, I also did ecstacy heaps. And i mean a lot- probably atleast a few hundred pills. I'll not that prior to my 'anxiety' days, I never had anxiety ever - i was the most care free, no fear person in the world. But I had some anxiety in my childhood that probably caused the reaction I had to the one experience that caused my anxiety.
Anyway one night, i did too much coke - caused a massive panic attack when i was alone in bed and fought it for hours until about 7am i called the ambulance. I knew it was anxiety but it woulnd't end. It was truly traumatising.
Anyway iI have to go to bed, so i'll reply properly soon. Im doing much better now, so I can give you some insight on all your problems, because I shared the same ones, and I have been where you are. I'm also 21.
Cheers

[anxiously]

thanks for your reply, i am interested in your story and would like to find out how your anxiety changed of over time. Im glad your doing better now and I'd appreciate any insight you wanna share or your own coping techniques.

[Robbed]

I thought that like there was something still in my system that just wouldn't leave me alone, but the doctors would always reassure me that it has been a year and its just not possible. All the activities that i used to enjoy under the influence make me uneasy now, and sometimes i get this strange perception of reality, where everything that used to be comforting and enjoyable, now seems distant ... cold... stressful.

Lots of people seem to believe that lingering, negative effects from drug use are the result of your body not having gotten rid of all of the drug. But this is not true. Actually, your body gets rid of most drugs within a few days. Even marijuana (the most persistent drug, as far as your body being able to get rid of it) is gone completely within a month (or so). Rather, what you are dealing with here is the aftermath of drug use. Basically, if you use drugs for some time, it causes certain changes to be made within your brain. And when you stop using the drugs, these changes don't go away immediately. It takes a certain amount of time for your brain to return to a completely normal state. How long it will take depends on alot of factors, including the individual, the duration of drug use, and the intensity of the drug use. But several months to a few years is typical. However, just like anxiety disorder itself, this is something that gradually improves. And there will be periods where things seem to get worse for a while for little to no apparent reason. But these times don't last forever. Patience is probably the most important thing when it comes to getting over this sort of thing (as well as anxiety disorder as a whole).

[anxiously]

I think my biggest problem right now is to somehow be able to convince my brain and thought pattern that everything is fine... but i keep getting stuck in this loop of panic and excessive worry.

to robbed: maybe everything will get better in time, but i cant waste years waiting from my early 20's like that, sadly those are the years where you are meant to enjoy life the most :(

[Robbed]

I think my biggest problem right now is to somehow be able to convince my brain and thought pattern that everything is fine... but i keep getting stuck in this loop of panic and excessive worry.

Trying to convince your brain that it is fine is fighting. And this is counterproductive. Due to the nature of the human brain (specifically, the fact that 'hardware' and 'software' are not the distinct things that they are in your average computer), it CAN'T recover overnight. Recovery takes time and patience. So instead of fighting, try accepting the way you feel while you go about your life as best as you can. Fighting will NEVER make you better. Only by accepting your condition and allowing your brain the time it needs to heal can you get better.


to robbed: maybe everything will get better in time, but i cant waste years waiting from my early 20's like that, sadly those are the years where you are meant to enjoy life the most :(

There are several VERY important things to remember here:

1. The amount of time that it will take for you to recover is FAR from set in stone. Notice that I said that it typically takes people several months to a few years to recover. You may not require, say, five years to recover. And how you handle your situation during recover has a GREAT bearing on how quickly you will recover. The better you take care of yourself and the more you try to go on with life as best as you can (despite the way that you feel), the faster you will recover. On the other hand, you don't want to overdo things. But generally speaking, the less you let your anxiety problems get the better of you, the faster you will recover.

2. As I said before, recovery does NOT mean feeling steadily bad until you finally get over this. It means a gradual improvement over time. So even if it DOES take you a while to get over your anxiety disorder, this doesn't mean the entire time is going to be a drag. You will still have good days where you are able to have a good time. And these good days will both increase in frequency AND get better as you recover.

3. Finally, it is not the end of the world if it does happen to take you several years to recover. Keep in mind that life is NOT over after your early 20s. In this day and age, people tend to live ALOT 'younger' than they did in the past. Just because you start a career, this does NOT mean that you have to live some sort of 'closed' life where you NEVER do anything enjoyable. In other words, NOBODY says that you MUST live a grim life starting the day you turn 25.

[anxiously]

Trying to convince your brain that it is fine is fighting. And this is counterproductive. Due to the nature of the human brain (specifically, the fact that 'hardware' and 'software' are not the distinct things that they are in your average computer), it CAN'T recover overnight. Recovery takes time and patience. So instead of fighting, try accepting the way you feel while you go about your life as best as you can. Fighting will NEVER make you better. Only by accepting your condition and allowing your brain the time it needs to heal can you get better.

Whenever I try and accept it, it might work for say a day or two... but then when i have a big panic attack again, it feels like I'm backtracking in my improvement and will have to start from scratch trying to cope with anxiety all over again. That's the "loop" that i mentioned in my earlier post.


Anyway, thanks for putting time in replying to my post. I appreciate your feedback and will try to see the glass as half full, meanwhile ill be trying my best to take my mind off anxiety with some Halo