Need Help and advice please...

[Handsolo]

Hiya, I'm 21 and have been suffering with anxiety on and off for the past 10 years. My current anxiety has been going on for the past 3 months. I see a councillor every week and am currently taking flueoxetine or prozac for the past 3 months and have failed to see much improvement from taking this. I've got loads of self help books but being 100% honest have not made good use of them. I get obsessive thoughts and worry about losing my mind or behaving uncharactertistically, i.e saying things i don't mean and losing control of what i say or how my body functions, this can be particularly distressing. I also keep waking up early in the morning even though i've not had enough sleep and am then unable to get back to sleep and feel panicky in the morning.
I have a girlfriend who lives 5 hours away and i see her every weekend, when i'm with her my anxiety doesn't disappear but it dampens down and seems easier to deal with, however soon as i come home again at the end of the weekend, things all seem much worse. Right at this very moment in time even though i have work commitments i just wanna get the next train down to see her and to spend time with her because this is what makes me happy, i know its not a clever idea but i really get the urge to do it because i hate suffering like i am. Any thoughts, opinions or advice would be greatly recieved

Many Thanks for reading :)
Matt

[Handsolo]

Hey Kev,

I get obsessive thoughts around the theme of control and a loss of control, This means i get thoughts regarding losing control of my bladder, i worry if i'll stop breathing, blinking and i also become conscious of my body to the extent where i worry about the positioning of the tongue in my mouth or how my hands should behave when idle and i worry that when i fiddle with things and act randomly it is a sign i am losing self control. I also worry about not being able to grip things properly as well as a great deal of other things. I know logically in my mind these thoughts are ridiculous as such incidents have never bothered me in the past and are unlikely to occur as i am in good physical health, however the fear that grips me is very real and i find it very difficult to rationalise these thoughts to a satisfactory level that they are erradicated from my mind, if you imagine the thoughts are like a fire, i can dampen them down but can't put the fire out.

The worrying about losing my mind or behaving uncharacteristically links in pretty much with the above paragraph, basically i worry that i will lose control of my body, that i will lose control of my speech and say things i don't mean to people and not have the power or control to prevent myself from stopping myself, I will do things i don't want to do or rather worry about doing these things and be unable to control myself to stop myself. I also worry about losing control of my thoughts, this is probably the biggest fear at the moment is that i worry i will hate my girlfriend or that my feelings for her will suddenly disappear, i worry about this because i don't like the idea of being alone and this scares me, my girlfriend is also incredibly supportive of my anxiety and right now i feel she is probably the most supportive person towards me at the moment.

What worries me about all this is that i just desperatly want to live a 'normal' life and be happy and not lose my girlfriend as i just want someone to love, when i say normal i mean as normal as can be with the personality i have got, i know i'm always going to have anxiety but i need to develop ways of dealing with it better, the trouble is that these thoughts and worries, make it more difficult to try and develop these stratagies and that is why i often feel like i am walking an imaginary tight rope in my mind, when one false move could lead to me falling off and ultimatly losing my mind

The final part i mentioned is that currently my domestic situation is that i live with my mum for 4 days and then spend the following 4 days with my dad. I've never been able to talk to my dad about my anxiety and feel uncomfortable being with him when i get it as he doesn't understand and in the past his advice has often been 'forget about it' or 'stop thinking about it' which honestly isn't practical advice. My mum is more supportive but is currently going through a seperation with her long term boyfriend and so isn't very approachable at the moment and also my friends up here don't seem much help either and i only feel comfortable and safe and more in control when i spend time with my girlfriend which is clearly why i have the urge to just run away and be with her as being there is currently the only place i feel is safe for when my anxiety becomes more intense

I've tried to explain everything as best as i can, however in my mind all this seems far, far, far more chaotic...

Thanks for your time
Matt

[mamascrazy1985]

as far as friends i cant really help you there. my own friends dont understand me at all. they dont hang out with me as much because the dont know what to say or do. sure they are there if i panic asking me whats wrong and telling me everythings okay but other than that they have mostly drifted off into there own little world while im stuck in mine. its hard to tell someone about your anxiety without the feelings of you being insane or them looking at your like your crazy (this happened to me alot) my mom has anxiety and had recovered but shes no help there. she more caught up in her own thing. but let me get to the point. what do you do in your free time? when you are with your mom and dad? do you sit there and think and think and dwell on waiting for the weekend to come? this will make you more anxious for example you won a million dollars and they will mail you a check but dont know how long it will take so you anxiously wait for the mail each day... thats what is going on with your girlfriend, your anxious to get to your safety area. where you feel most comfortable. which is normal by the way. Try picking up a hobby keep yourself busy. i find if i actually hang out with people more i have less anxiety but when i hang out with them too long i get more anxiety if this makes since. maybe because i have kids and there stressing me out as well. i still havent figured that one out. lol anyways try that. good luck. oh and did you tell your girlfriend about your anxiety?

[Mila34]

Hi Matt,

Here's my take on things:

Obsessive thoughts - been there. it still is a part of my life. the key for me is, don't focus on making them go away. focus on making them manageable. its less scary that way. take losing control of your bladder for example - think to yourself, whats the worse thing that can happen? embarrassment right? but is it going to kill you? no. if it happens it happens but youre not going to die from it. keep telling yourself that. as far as positioning, i can relate to that. i try to use relaxation and breathing techniques to calm the constant repositioning. its funny you mention about gripping things. i dont have those thoughts during the day but dream about it often and never really associated it with anxiety until just now. you have to believe in your hands and your abilities. they know what theyre doing, even when you feel like one day they may "forget".

Losing your mind or behaving uncharacteristically - one thing someone told me one is that being afraid of something happening is usually a sign that youre mentally competent enough that it won't happen. One thing I suggest is if you happen to come across book, tv show, or movie that touches upon that topic, just turn it off. nothing good will come of you watching it because you will try to convince yourself that that situation will happen to you. The reality is, its not going to because youre aware.

First thing you an start doing is stop thinking about all the things that youre afraid of and dont have and instead sit down and make a list of the good things in your life. Even if its only one thing. Every day, try to think of another thing to add to it. You need to focus on the positives and not the negatives. Then perhaps with counseling, you can work on the negatives with someone. For now though, you need to get yourself into a more positive mindset. I've been there. I know what its like. But it can and will get better. You just have to decide that youre going to do something about it. posting here was a good start!
Mila

[Handsolo]

Thanks for the support guys :) its comforting to know I'm not alone :)

[Sungazer]

Howdy Matt

Its ok to be having thoughts of losing control and i bet there is not a person here who as not .

I call them seeds . You don't know whats happening with you right but yet you have been told that you have a mental problem . So because of years of media you have been taught to believe that people with mental problems loose control and do many things . But that may be the case with true mental illness it is not the case with anxiety .

Anxiety is not a mental illness and should never been put into that cat. It is a physical illness . A calm body cannot react the way it is with anxiety . All the mental symptoms are nothing more than that a symptoms . They are the same as a twitch , a buzz or pins and needles . It is just the these ones are working on the nerves in the brain and you cant see it like a twitch .

Do not worry about this as in all the history there has never been a person go mad from anxiety .

Also anxiety will not change you . You are still you and your morals will always remain your morals .

What worries me about all this is that i just desperatly want to live a 'normal' life

Matt you are so worried about it . What is normal ?? One in four people will get high anxiety in their life . I guess that makes whats happening to you as normal . You dont want to be normal you want to be you again but i am sorry to say that you is gone . Anxiety will change you and mark my word when this is over you will become a better you . You just cant live though this and come out the same , you come out better .

Matt your dad is pretty right but in a mans way at looking at it . You have to forget about it , stop thinking about it , distract yourself from your problems but as most man dont do you have to talk about it also . If you dad dont understand there is really nothing you can do but you can learn to just not react to it . Can you talk to him at all ?. He doesn't need to understand but just accept that your sick for now and you need him to atleast understand that and stop adding more stress to you .

cheers kev

Well said.

Been dealing with many of these thoughts and feelings myself. I've experienced them, before actually. A few years ago when I was in college. Recently, intense anxiety has come back. All the obsessing, the worrying, the headaches. It's terrible, but I do honestly and truly feel that after getting through it last time, I have become a more full person. More determined. More realistic. More of so many positive things I probably couldn't count.