please help me

[whysohard]

years ago i refused to drive my car for 4 months just out of fear i might hit someone or getting involved in an accident. every time my car go through a bump i think i might have hit someone so i turn around (sometimes adding miles to my journey just to check).
i also couldnt trust myself, i do things like turning the water tap off but i still go back and check, not just a visual check i actually put my hand under the tap to make sure there is no water coming from it.

this seems to get worse depending on what's happening in my life, it got better as soon as i got a new/better job.

what is this? i have no family here (i live in a foreign country) i am totally alone, i have a good job, excellent health but no friends, could this be the problem? i havent seen my parents for 5 years and i cant seem to trust anyone, i never used to be like this.

i lost an amazing woman because of it (got divorced after 4 years) and i am afraid that i will never meet anyone else if i stay like the way i am. looking back at it now i cant believe she stayed with me that long! i used to ask her to look out of the window to see if i hit someone with my car......

and now this anxiety is coming back, i am scared to do anything!

[whysohard]

i think the best sentence to sum up how i feel is: "something is out to get me", paranoid and i crazy i think. i have a good job and an excellen position in the company i work for, yet i still go on courses, do exams and always look ahead, people ask me "why are you doing this, you are in a good place, you dont need it" my answer to them is " i want to do it just in case this doesnt work".

it seems like everything i do in life i have a pan B for, thus i am constantly chasing goals and working hard, never had the time to relax, i am tired mentally i cant take it anymore.