I've been fearing this exact feeling/scenario for over a year..it's come back

[gaara]

Hey guys, it's been a while since I've been here. You probably don't remember my issue but I posted the whole story here before (if you need to refresh you can search it up I think I created only like 2 threads anyway shouldn't be hard lol).

Anyway, my anxiety literally went away in what I call my "climbing period". From november to mid december each day got better and better, and when I thought about the things that brought fear to me, I dismissed them and even LAUGHED at the idea that these thoughts even bothered me. I was confident, happy and secure.

Well that was short lived. I got into a big fight with my girlfriend on the 15th of december and it went on for a while like a couple days. This put me in down. I was down but not out. A week later I started my recovery process again and felt really good that even a big fight with my girlfriend didn't even put me down.

A week later, we got into another fight about something that lasted a couple days, again I was down but not out and the recovery process started again. But something happened on the 4th of january that for some reason really really triggered something.

I'm actually embarrassed to explain it but i'm desperate here and would like any help. Basically what happened was on the 4th I went over to my gf's house. She said she re-arranged her room. Ok I thought no big deal..go upstairs and see the new arrangement and instantly anxiety swept through my body like I was being electrocuted..WHAT THE HELL? I didn't like the room arrangement but why the hell did it trigger something inside of me? I instantly felt like I got placed in a different time frame of my life. 2 years ago before my first bout of anxiety and before I broke up wtih my girlfriend.

I started to panic a little. I tried to dismiss it but I couldn't. It grew stronger each day and now I'm here. I literally feel the EXACT same as I did last summer when I first broke up with my girlfriend because I had relationship anxiety/panicked about being in a relationship and left her. I DO NOT want to go down that route but I feel like somebody just placed me back in that scenario and that's how it's going to play out. Like no matter how I think or what I do the end result will be the same as last summer and now I'm scared.

I don't know what's the matter with me. I feel like just because I'm in this scenario, history will repeat itself but for the worst. I'm trying to be as calm as possible but I literally can't. I KNOW I love my girlfriend with all my heart and I KNOW that if I do break up with her I'll instantly regret it and NEVER get her back again because this is the 2nd time that I would've broken her heart. Seriously..this sounds like PTSD? I mean I really really don't believe in pills that will just make it worse but I really want to solve this.

I feel like all hope is lost because history will repeat itself the same way it did last summer because I'm exhibiting the same exact feelings as I did then.


I'm going to see my school counselor on monday but even then I really don't think they would be able to do anything. Why do I feel like I'm doomed to repeat history??

:( :( Everything was going so good too :(

[gaara]

Howdy Garra

I sort of remember your problem but i don't think that is whats behind this .

You are letting it build and you didn't face it and let it slide away so when it came back what did you do ?? You panic with thinking along that line .

Anxiety does not just go away . It fades as the body starts to relax and learn not to be so reactive to stress . You can feel fine but that is because there is nothing stressing you , as soon as somethink starts to stress you again then you will feel it . BUt dont worry because over time less and less will stress you.

But what happened is for what ever reason ( which is what you need to find , and it could be and most likely is just a memory base thing ) it upset you seeing the furniture being changed . What you should have done is just say oh that strange wonder why that would upset me and look for a cause but if you couldn't not find one you should have just let your body calm down and moved on .

But you didn't . You panic because you have a stress symptom and now again you are locked into that BS style of thinking that it is coming back , that you will never get rid of it . Well guess what it settle for a while didn't it . So who is saying that it is coming back . YOU and only you . You are doing the same with this style of thinking
I feel like all hope is lost because history will repeat itself the same way it did last summer

It is only your thinking that is making this happen . It is because you are worried about returning there and you need to change yor thoughts from ones of No its coming back again to ones of oh i just a bit stressed about it because because my body remembers it . You need to face things in order to replace those memories with better ones .

I have had this with the last 3 Xmases because Xmas was my worst time and xmas reminds me of that but it is fading and this xmas was pretty good .

Hope that makes scene if not ask away .

One thing i would like to ask you . Are you the sort of person that doesn't like to confront things . Maybe the fact you didnt like the room and you didnt want or know how to say something about you raised your stress response . And that is all it did, Nothing more so just see it as that and stop building it into more with your thoughts

cheers kev

Hey Forwells.

I am the type of person who doesn't like confrontation but only when I'm stressed out. When things become too much I run away from them. I ran away from the girl I loved the first time because I wasn't ready for a serious relationship. I calmed down and realized I was stupid for the way I was thinking. It was always in the back of my head for the past year but it was fading away to the point where my girlfriend and I could talk about that experience openly and even laugh at it. It was such a good feeling that it didn't haunt me anymore.

It came back because it we had gotten into a fight a few days before the anniversary of the day we broke up so I came home that night feeling shit(like anyone would after a fight) not even thinking about last year. Went to lay in bed and started thinking and then I realized it was exactly a year since we broke up and that's what started the cycle and anxiety all over again.

It took me a month to get over it and I was on the track of getting better but it took A LOT of work. I feel like I don't have the strength to continue sometimes.

I panic sometimes because It's January and last January I was completely fine? Why do I feel like it's the summer all over again? I've been thinking a bit about it for the last couple hours and this is what I've come up with.

Basically last January, things were different, I wasn't in school, I was starting my first co-op work term and I liked my job, my roommate and overall just quality of life for me was great. This January however is taking me back to January of 09(when me and my gf were still seeing eachother) PLUS the fact that she moved her bed to the same place it was when we broke up. So basically I'm thinking history will repeat itself because it happened before. I feel like I'm doing everything I did last year to try and get myself back on track but nothing is working.

You see, last year when it all began I had the same thought processes as I do now and they didn't work back then so why would they work now? It's really confusing and taking a lot out of me. Like, I just feel someone is controlling my life with strings but at the same time because I've been through this I know it's just me who's causing it.

It's really really hard to control though. I wake up and just feel pure anxiety. And it's up and down all day. I'm going to see the school counselor but I really don't know what they can tell me that I don't know.

I just don't get it lol. Like how can I be completely be 100% myself again one week and just from 1 little thing have it spiral into this mess. I cannot allow myself to break her heart again because it will break mine as well and also I don't even WANT to but I feel like that's the end result because it's already happened before.

I know what my problem is, I'm haunted by my past. I just really don't know how to get over it.

On the other hand though, I remember when I first joined this site I really didn't feel like this site would help me at all but in all honesty it helped a ton so I'd like to thank everyone for replying and anyone in advance who replies. You guys are great, I'm already feeling a bit better. Hopefully seeing this counselor will do me a lot of good.

I also feel like this is my most critical point. Like if I can get back on my feet after this then there's nothing that can stop me. I would've gotten over my phobia of the past.

Sorry for the super long ramble lol thanks again!

[gaara]

Anxiety seems to be getting worse. I woke up today feeling just like crap. Constant wave/pangs of anxiety would come and go like some sort of rhythm.

Before, thinking about all the good times with my gf and I would REALLY help, and it was what actually got me out of the rut the first time. Now it seems like it's back 10 fold and even thinking of the good times don't help at all anymore. This is alarming me greatly. It honestly feels like I'm doomed to repeat the past again...I'm going to see the school counselor on monday but it's like my body and mind feel like the counselor can't do anything about it.

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. This past year has been great filled with tons of good memories so why the hell am i feeling like this?!

WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH ME?! :(

[olia10]

There is nothing wrong with you, you just have resistance. Anxiety is pretty much built up of resistance. In order to completly recover from it, problems must be confronted by accepting them and letting them go. There is no other way. Running away may help in the short run, but it always catches up with us. Learning to let go is one of the greatest lessons I have learned. That's how we grow/mature as humans - mentally, emotionally and spiritually.