ss_worrier
01-09-2011, 07:35 AM
Hi! I'm new to this particular forum, though I've posted on one or two occassions in the general anxiety-forum. First -- I don't really see myself as a social anxiety sufferer. I am in CBT for general anxiety issues, and my general symtom image resembles that of GAD (though my therapist doesn't want to use syndrome labels at all), but social anxiety isn't really anything that I've recognized myself as suffering from. I believe that I am generally percieved by most people as a talkative, outgoing and happy person, and I regularly hold lectures in front of audiences ranging from college classes to government officials and ambassadors, and even though I may worry about these things weeks in advance and I usually have trouble sleeping on the nights before them (or even many nights ahead -- and I do worry al lot about the sleeping issue itself) I almost always manage to pull through without letting my nervousness hinder me.
The issue I have is more on the private level. When meeting new people (assuming the general setting is comfortable, f x through old friends with whom I am able to feel relaxed and appreciated), I usually manage to relax and converse well with them -- I actually believe myself to be more outgoing than most of my friends in these situations, and people often say that I am easy to talk to. The problem erupts in many cases where I start to like a person -- both in the strictly friendly way and as in finding them cute (it's much worse when it comes to the last case though). It's like I automatically think that when I start developing a relationship to someone, I need to make them like me by strategically behaving in a certain way, otherwise we won't become friends/there will never be any chance of us dating. This results in me both thinking almost obsessively about different scenarios before meeting the people in question, and finding myself nervous and with a lot of anxiety symtoms when I do meet them. Afterwords, I do a lot of the beating-myself-up that I've just now -- after reading about it in this forum -- realized is not normal; I review my own behaviour and become angry at myself for not being funnier, saying better things, for it not being as much fun as I had imagined to meet the people that I like, et cetera. I've come to realize that it's completely uncalled for for me to put the entire weight on myself if hanging out with friends/going on a date doesn't reach my expectations, but I still can't help doing it.
Often, I just find myself obsessing in general over social situations, like it's somehow my full responsibility to make sure that they are fun and enjoyable at all times, and like as if I will end up completely alone and pathetic if they aren't, and how I will not be liked enough by friends/casual acquaintances I run into on the street if I'm not prepared enough with smart and funny thins to say (this sometimes makes me startled and almost panicked whenever I run into someone I know, especially if I like them but don't know them too well yet). I should admit, though, that I know deep down that I'm probably not as bad at these social situations as I beat myself up for being. I do have friends, I know that a lot of people around me like hanging out with me, and I quite recently (a couple of months ago) got out of a 2-year relationship with a wonderful girl, and I am dating girls who seem to like me back. But, whenever these positive realizations come about, my instinctive response is to beat them back and think that they're probably not true -- that the positive vibes, signs and even words I get from these people are just motivated by something completely different, misinterpreted by me or simply not true, for one reason or another; I'm sure that you fellow anxiety sufferers know just how the anxious mind tends to treat positive thoughts. And, perhaps most importantly, I go about many of these social situations suffering from anxiety-related symtoms, such as difficulty breathing, excessive (though not extreme or anything) sweating, blushing, negative thoughts, et cetera. And I really want to find ways to not have to suffer for things that are supposed to be enjoyable, which is why I'm asking you for your best hints and tips.
What do you do to tackle these symtoms and anxieties when they erupt? Do you have any general advice for me on how I can tackle these issues? Thanks for reading my post, only the fact that you did that helped a lot.
The issue I have is more on the private level. When meeting new people (assuming the general setting is comfortable, f x through old friends with whom I am able to feel relaxed and appreciated), I usually manage to relax and converse well with them -- I actually believe myself to be more outgoing than most of my friends in these situations, and people often say that I am easy to talk to. The problem erupts in many cases where I start to like a person -- both in the strictly friendly way and as in finding them cute (it's much worse when it comes to the last case though). It's like I automatically think that when I start developing a relationship to someone, I need to make them like me by strategically behaving in a certain way, otherwise we won't become friends/there will never be any chance of us dating. This results in me both thinking almost obsessively about different scenarios before meeting the people in question, and finding myself nervous and with a lot of anxiety symtoms when I do meet them. Afterwords, I do a lot of the beating-myself-up that I've just now -- after reading about it in this forum -- realized is not normal; I review my own behaviour and become angry at myself for not being funnier, saying better things, for it not being as much fun as I had imagined to meet the people that I like, et cetera. I've come to realize that it's completely uncalled for for me to put the entire weight on myself if hanging out with friends/going on a date doesn't reach my expectations, but I still can't help doing it.
Often, I just find myself obsessing in general over social situations, like it's somehow my full responsibility to make sure that they are fun and enjoyable at all times, and like as if I will end up completely alone and pathetic if they aren't, and how I will not be liked enough by friends/casual acquaintances I run into on the street if I'm not prepared enough with smart and funny thins to say (this sometimes makes me startled and almost panicked whenever I run into someone I know, especially if I like them but don't know them too well yet). I should admit, though, that I know deep down that I'm probably not as bad at these social situations as I beat myself up for being. I do have friends, I know that a lot of people around me like hanging out with me, and I quite recently (a couple of months ago) got out of a 2-year relationship with a wonderful girl, and I am dating girls who seem to like me back. But, whenever these positive realizations come about, my instinctive response is to beat them back and think that they're probably not true -- that the positive vibes, signs and even words I get from these people are just motivated by something completely different, misinterpreted by me or simply not true, for one reason or another; I'm sure that you fellow anxiety sufferers know just how the anxious mind tends to treat positive thoughts. And, perhaps most importantly, I go about many of these social situations suffering from anxiety-related symtoms, such as difficulty breathing, excessive (though not extreme or anything) sweating, blushing, negative thoughts, et cetera. And I really want to find ways to not have to suffer for things that are supposed to be enjoyable, which is why I'm asking you for your best hints and tips.
What do you do to tackle these symtoms and anxieties when they erupt? Do you have any general advice for me on how I can tackle these issues? Thanks for reading my post, only the fact that you did that helped a lot.