South_Paw
12-20-2010, 08:34 AM
Since I can remember I have been a nail biter and very anxious person. Shy or as I used to call myself...crippled socially. Bit my nails so far down. Something I still do to this day. I'm now 33.
I do believe I can see a certain timidness and same qualities in my dad. And I'm not entirely sure why my system seems to react to certain situations in blind panic. Some panic attacks, anger and crying fits.
Up until last year I was at my most outgoing. No fear of embarrassment etc. I put my foot in it and built up a resistance to it...most people wouldn't know I was shy inside.
But after being cheated on last Xmas. I've been questioning myself and everything around me. With new found anxiousness and terror. I fear Xmas now with my new boyfriend. Because my brain tells me this is the time you get dumped. I misread things. I presume things and blow things out of proportion. The outcome is never as bad as I feared.
Tearing away at my nails. Crying on and off. Feeling low. It's almost like a chemical reaction to react this way.
I can't understand that after depression at 21. Working my way out of that and building myself up to the most outgoing I can be. I've gone backwards...it's almost like I've forgotten what I learned about being content, chilled etc.
I'm scared this new found gitteryness and fear will affect my relationship by driving him away with a legacy of tearfulness and lack of resilience.
I do believe I can see a certain timidness and same qualities in my dad. And I'm not entirely sure why my system seems to react to certain situations in blind panic. Some panic attacks, anger and crying fits.
Up until last year I was at my most outgoing. No fear of embarrassment etc. I put my foot in it and built up a resistance to it...most people wouldn't know I was shy inside.
But after being cheated on last Xmas. I've been questioning myself and everything around me. With new found anxiousness and terror. I fear Xmas now with my new boyfriend. Because my brain tells me this is the time you get dumped. I misread things. I presume things and blow things out of proportion. The outcome is never as bad as I feared.
Tearing away at my nails. Crying on and off. Feeling low. It's almost like a chemical reaction to react this way.
I can't understand that after depression at 21. Working my way out of that and building myself up to the most outgoing I can be. I've gone backwards...it's almost like I've forgotten what I learned about being content, chilled etc.
I'm scared this new found gitteryness and fear will affect my relationship by driving him away with a legacy of tearfulness and lack of resilience.