Monitoring what you watch / eat / listen to / do

[Zuena]

So I was wondering if anyone dealing with anxiety has found that monitoring what you watch on TV or listen to helps at all?

I have been involved for a while in a charity for children living with cancer and I have found lately that it affects me really badly. It is to be expected that emotionally it couldn't possibly be easy since we lose approximately one child every other week. One boy in particular that I got very involved with passed this week and I just feel so crap. Not anxious, just sad and restless and not wanting to do anything. He has been a tremendous inspiration to me and everytime I feel slightly off or sick, I think of what he has had to deal with - high doses of radiation and chemo, experimental drugs, brain surgery, puking for (literally) 7 - 8 hours non-stop every day - and he was only 6 years old.

It's been more than 2 months without panic attacks and just a bit of anxiety here and there and I don't want to return to that place, ever. I have been thinking of taking a step back and only doing their websites etc., and not going to see the children anymore for a while but it is difficult because you get so attached to them.

Anyone?

Z

[forwells]

Hi Zuena :D

As anxiety and depression are really just nerves being on high i can understand how this is effecting you .

I stopped doing and watching many things when i was bad because i could not handle the high emotions that went with it . But the one thing that i have found is that for 35 years i really just hid all those emotions so now it can be good to have them .

I still avoid some things when i am having a bad day but overall i just learn to read what it is i should be doing .

If you enjoy doing it then don't stop . Just try and learn another way to counter react what is happening . I get the same with these forums . I could walk away , some days they raise my emotions from memories but I enjoy them and like passing on things i learned . My coach told me i should give it up but i think that is wrong and is running and hiding , My memories i have to learn to face and not run and hide from .

I am sure you are doing some great work and you should keep it up but dont forget to take some time out for yourself as well

I don't want to return to that place, ever.
Why do you think you would ever go back ???
cheers kev :D

[Zuena]

HI Kev,

Thanks for your reply.

I don't think i will return there. At least, I have no plans to. However, I do realise that it took 3 entire years (for my ex) to break me down to nothing, to the point where I had no purpose, no confidence, no life and no self-worth and where I couldn't decide what to make for dinner without her. I know that it takes a long time to really and truly get back to what you were before, or at least have the same confidence. If you need to lose 50 lbs you do it one at a time and eventually you will get there. I believe that I am over the anxiety, but also have realised that I am still a little more fragile than I believed myself to be. I thought once I got over it I would be fine and stopped working on it. But now I know that it's not like that at all and that you need to keep working at it until it disappears entirely. Right now I think I am at the point where I can handle 70% with the things that completely freaked me out before with 100% confidence. The rest I am handling with a little anxiety here and there but I will get there. I heard last week that my contract job is about to be advertised and a permanent position created. I can apply but there is no guarantee I will get it. Big worry. Big, big worry.

Z

[forwells]

Howdy Z

I think what you said makes a lot of seance . I never had a big problem with confidence but the anxiety just stripped that when it was bad . I mean its hard to have confidence when your were scared to leave the house .

I am alot better now and are more like my old self but the one thing i have started to understand is that i will never be the old me again and i am starting to let that go . I am starting to get to know the new me . I guess it could be like someone that went to war , what they see changes them and they never come back the same . I saw a lot with my anxiety and it effected me pretty bad when i also became addicted to benzos and a health system that could not give a rats about me .

As you said little steps will get us there . Try not to worry about the job bit .Its just anxiety playing its games . I have a auction in a few weeks that is 350 klms away and when first told about it the second thing to come to mind was OH i hope im OK . Bloody anxiety just because its 80 klm more than the longest trip i have done since this all began it trys to trick me into thinking that i am heading off into the amazon or something . But i will not let it get me and i will go with all the confidence i can muster even if it is a bit less than what i once had but by doing that atleast the next time it will be there automatic. The good thing is that thought was the second thing and not the first as it once was , one day it wont be there at all.

Cheers and take it easy on yourself , as you said it takes time as frustrating as it can be at times as long as your moving forwards it doesn't really matter if its little steps or big jumps.

kev :D