Relationship anxiety [Archive] - Anxiety Forum - A Home for Those with Anxiety, Fear, or Panic Attacks

gaara

11-19-2010, 06:23 AM

haha ok here's the situation:

Broke up with my gf july 27th(2009) because i got really scared of commitment and experienced intense anxiety/depression which both put us through emotional hell

I convinced myself that I didn't feel strongly for her even though I knew that was false

After a month of being apart, I was totally calm except I missed her like crazy and wanted her back

She took me back and things were COMPLETELY FINE FOR A YEAR

this july 27th, random PTSD attack happened where it was like I was experiencing the break up all over again which was so emotionally damaging for both of us

Have had anxiety/depression on/off ever since

I KNOW that it's just feelings and just bad memories but this has been going on/off for months now and I can't seem to get back into my normal self of just not thinking of that

Other things I think have contributed to the anxiety...this past august I went to Norway to visit my father except I haven't been on a plane in 5 years and suddenly I was convinced that the plane was going to crash and I was going to be in it and die? I've NEVER been afraid of flying...I think it was because of the intense PTSD that I had in july that's caused me to feel anxiety for other things as well.

Also I'm doing my co-op in a different city and I HATE my job, hate the house I live in and it's making things already much worse.

But I really think the key problem here is the anxiety from commitment..I KNOW I love my gf, very much so and if I break up with her again (which I DO NOT) want to do, i'll lose her forever...i'll end up missing her like crazy after I calm down...I can't keep doing this to her and myself. I seriously believe I can get past this because I WAS fine with her for a year, it's just the stupid anxiety that's making things so difficult for me.

I have the willpower...extreme willpower to get over this, I just need to learn the tools. Can anyone help me with commitment anxiety?

Thanks for reading :)

forwells

11-20-2010, 02:31 PM

Howdy again :D

First off stop naming things . Things are named for one reason i believe and one reason only and that is so some Phyc doctors has a name for it and can give you a pill for it . A pill is a drug and most drugs are taking for one reason and one reason alone and that is so we don't have to deal with the problem at hand . They cover problems and do not do anything to fix the cause . If i sat down with one of these doctors i am sure i would have Anxiety , depression , ocd thoughts , PTSD and maybe even Bipolar . But you know what i am just another human who is trying to sort out their life and dealing with all the emotions that come with that . And you know what after 35 years of having little or no emotions towards many thing this is not a bad thing .I just take it one day at a time . Talking mental disorder drugs here .

OK you need to let it go . You need to look at things with logic . Again and again you say that you love this girl and don't want to brake up with her . So why do you think you will ? Because you keep telling yourself that it may happen . Well guess what i would like to be rich but no matter how many times i tell myself this it is not going to happen without action is it . They are just thoughts and nothing else . Just as when i am really stressed and my wife is peeing me off i think that i might walk out the door and not come back . They are thoughts nothing more. Thoughts that i am sure everyone has , Remember the saying about the grass being greener on the other side of the fence .

Now the reason you got worst is because it has been playing on your mind and your anxiety is tricking you into believing that it may happen again . My worst day ever was Christmas day two years ago . I sat on the coach shook and cried all day . I could not move i was that scared . The following year coming up to Christmas my anxiety went though the roof because it associated Christmas with stress and was prepairing for it . Once i knew this it was not nice to go though again but i did because i could tell myself that it was just something my body remembered and in order for it to change it had to find a better memory to replace that old one . IT is a big key to anxiety and works with all fears and anxious states . See the mind remembers things and places emotions with them so when it remembers something it will bring the emotion that you placed with it and the only way to change that is to replace it with a better one and this is why it is so important to tell yourself again and again that it is just anxiety and it will past .

As with AA meetings I shall take one day at a time and it shall pass . See anxiety is no different than this . Anxiety is a addiction , It is a addiction of being self centered and looking inside oneself in a negative manner . You have to break this addiction and the emotions that you associate with things and once you do that you can move on .

You can take my driving , Now at one stage i was so scared that i could not even look at my ute without freaking . This in turn showed my mind that there was a problem there and it did what it needed to protect me from that . It was only when i faced it with logic that my mind saw that there was no problem and it change the emotions that went with it until one day it just did it as it had done for 20 years with no emotions . You know why i would freak ?? Because i me only me kept telling myself that there was a problem there , that i was scared , that i couldn't do it , that it was to hard . When i changed these thoughts and did it anyway i retrained my mind . Yes it was hard , in fact it was bloody hard but you know what compared to living in that state everyday all day it was bloody easy . As i told someone the other day it is like bungee jumping the first step , the letting go is the hardest but the rest is easy .

So as i have said just go with it , stop naming it , stop placing emotions on it and last but not less is hit the bugger with logic .

Ok part two

My coach told me the other day . Sit down and work out what is stressing you out eg

Other things I think have contributed to the anxiety...this past august I went to Norway to visit my father except I haven't been on a plane in 5 years and suddenly I was convinced that the plane was going to crash and I was going to be in it and die? I've NEVER been afraid of flying...I think it was because of the intense PTSD that I had in july that's caused me to feel anxiety for other things as well.

Also I'm doing my co-op in a different city and I HATE my job, hate the house I live in and it's making things already much worse.

And change it . Yes change takes time but Albert Einstein once said that to do the same thing again and again and expect change is madness . Is this you ?? If you are not happy then change it , only you can do that and your health is worth that .

I don't mean that you have to pack up and move to some hippy farm . You have to change the thoughts behind things eg Ok i don't like what i am doing but its not forever , i shall do what i have to for now and then i can move on and do what i want .

I would not worry about your girlfriend i think that the thoughts you are having with this are just small thoughts from a very stressed mine and once you get that stress down you will see that . You will laugh at how dumb they were as i did yesterday drive home from 100 klms away . You will always have doubts about your girlfriend but everyone has these but because of your anxiety is is blown out of whack.

And as i have said change takes time and you may not be where you want to be at this time but as long as your moving forward to where you want to go then just go with the flow . Anxiety will not leave in a day and takes alot of work but if you do that work it gets alot better

cheers and hope that helps kev :D