HolyKrap
11-08-2010, 10:24 PM
A little back story: I've had anxiety in the past. Saw a therapist a few years ago, and it seemed to have gotten better over time. Saw a few years with no severe anxiety or panic attacks.
A few weeks ago though, I had been discussing with my girlfriend how worried I was about my work. I felt as though I was pretty incompetent, but I rationalized and understood that I have actually done some OK work at my job and I will always have much to learn. No big deal.
However, a week or so later, I smoked a bit of marijuana, maybe to take the edge off or whatever. It wasn't much (not even a bowl) and It didn't affect me too much, really it seemed. I smoked a few nights out of that week, with no real problem. Just trying to enjoy it, I guess. It's pretty enjoyable most times, but on Friday, I smoked with my cousin and the evening went pretty well. Watched some comedy, laughed a bit. However a few hours later, I had some pretty bad panic attacks before trying to fall asleep. It may have come from some negative thinking or something, but it hit me pretty hard.
I don't remember how long I kept getting up from my bed and walking around because of the attacks that night but it felt like forever before I could get to sleep. It was terrible. I was just consumed with the fear of losing my mind or going crazy. Wondering if it was ever going to end. I'm sure a lot of you know the feeling.
So now, a few days later, I don't think I've had any serious anxiety attacks like that night, but just general anxiety throughout the day. Worrying, what if's, anxiousness, that just really stresses me out. It's only been a few days so I can't tell if there is any sort of pattern just yet but it's so terrible I want to cry.
I scheduled an appointment with my therapist, but he's not available until the 30th unless there's a cancellation. So I worry and wonder in my head if I'll go crazy by then, hehe. I'm going to look at some other providers tomorrow to see if I can schedule an appointment sooner somewhere else, because this is almost unbearable. Until then, I don't know what to do; need some help. So many questions, worries, and frustration. :(
Thanks for reading if you've gotten this far.
A few weeks ago though, I had been discussing with my girlfriend how worried I was about my work. I felt as though I was pretty incompetent, but I rationalized and understood that I have actually done some OK work at my job and I will always have much to learn. No big deal.
However, a week or so later, I smoked a bit of marijuana, maybe to take the edge off or whatever. It wasn't much (not even a bowl) and It didn't affect me too much, really it seemed. I smoked a few nights out of that week, with no real problem. Just trying to enjoy it, I guess. It's pretty enjoyable most times, but on Friday, I smoked with my cousin and the evening went pretty well. Watched some comedy, laughed a bit. However a few hours later, I had some pretty bad panic attacks before trying to fall asleep. It may have come from some negative thinking or something, but it hit me pretty hard.
I don't remember how long I kept getting up from my bed and walking around because of the attacks that night but it felt like forever before I could get to sleep. It was terrible. I was just consumed with the fear of losing my mind or going crazy. Wondering if it was ever going to end. I'm sure a lot of you know the feeling.
So now, a few days later, I don't think I've had any serious anxiety attacks like that night, but just general anxiety throughout the day. Worrying, what if's, anxiousness, that just really stresses me out. It's only been a few days so I can't tell if there is any sort of pattern just yet but it's so terrible I want to cry.
I scheduled an appointment with my therapist, but he's not available until the 30th unless there's a cancellation. So I worry and wonder in my head if I'll go crazy by then, hehe. I'm going to look at some other providers tomorrow to see if I can schedule an appointment sooner somewhere else, because this is almost unbearable. Until then, I don't know what to do; need some help. So many questions, worries, and frustration. :(
Thanks for reading if you've gotten this far.