wanting to die lately

[nervousbutterflies]

this whole week my anxiety was terrible. so were my mood swings. I have been feeling like i wanna kill myself and it is terrifying me. I feel like i am so screwed up and will never get better. The whole day i constantly think of my anxiety and panic. I want to live my life but i cant because my panic disorder is leading to agoraphobia. I can leave my house but i cannot go that far without thinking im going to panic. I can no longer go to the beach or concerts or anything. My boyfriend wants me to go with him to a concert in new jersey and i absolutely cannot go. I dont want to be screwed up anymore and scared of everything. I am becoming so paranoid of terrorist attacks and murderers. It doesnt help that i just saw on the news that the owner of a nail salon near me was found murdered. Nobody is ever murdered around here. I am so screwed up. Is there any hope for me or am i just better off dead?

i need some help but no one in my family realizes how serious my problems are even though i constantly tell them. I have no insurance and cant afford a therapist or phychiatrist anymore. I am currently on wellbutrin>... can that cause me to want to kill myself? :(

[forwells]

Howdy Butterfly

So i have to ask its not the want to do it thing but more such as wanting to die because you have had enough ??

You will get better but you have to work on your recovery .

I want to help you and ask that you go to Anxietycenter. com and join and read everything and start putting what they say into practice . You do this and you will recover

If you cant afford to join you let me know and i will buy you a one year membership . You just PM me and let me know and i shall sort it out so you have a membership .

How long you been on wellbutrin??

cheers kev :D :D

[nervousbutterflies]

thank you for the quick reply.

It is sort of both. I want to die because i had enough and keep thinking i want to kill myself. Im scared because on commercials for meds they always say "increased risk or suicide" and im scared that i wouldnt be able to control it or something.

i am going to check out the website and hope that it could help.
thank you for the generosity but i will try to purchase it on my own even if i have to save up.

thank you so much though.! your really nice

oh and i have been on wellbutrin since may or june. i was on 75 mg up until last month and now i am on a 75 mg pill and a half. i do not feel any benefits from this medicine. if anything they keep me up really late and give me horrifying nightmares to the point where im scared to sleep. I was on paxil for a while at first but could not stand the loss of orgasms and interest in sex:(

[forwells]

Hi butterfly

I would say that it is just your anxiety talking there . Those drugs if they do cause those sorts of problems do it very quickly once taken . It sounds to me like you are just fustraighted . I know before i started to get better i had a really bad road trip were every tree and truck was looking better as the trip went on .

I am happy to pay , you look around and if you like it i can pay by paypal . It is very little amount of money and well worth it .

I refused to take drugs but if you think that they are not working you should maybe think of going off them and doing it the natural way which dont seem to have those bad side effects of these drugs . The problems with these drugs is they can add to the problem .

Remember offer is open so you just let me know . Remember your health worth more than your pride =)

cheers kev :D

[lawandorder]

butterflies,
i suggest getting off the wellbutrin. It's not actually supposed to help anxiety - its more for depression, and while your anxiety is getting severe the drug isn't working for the depressive stuff.
I think get off it because that is what is keeping you up, and it could actually be makign your anxiety more severe.
In terms of the way you feel, because your anxiety is really bad at the moment, every feeling and emotion is blown out of proportion. That includes the way we feel about things, our life, whats going out etc. We just need to get your anxiety down a bit so you can put things into perspective. It doesn't help that you have a fear of killing yourself, which is somethign I went through as well. I'm not suicidal, but my anxiety was so bad I feared that i would get to the point where i would want to kill myself... But it's just another fear anxiety likes to grab a hold of.. you just can't give it any power.
I know how tough this week is, but i promse it will get better. I suggest switching meds - I know you don't like SSRI's but maybe try something different. I am on pristiq which is an snri i think, and I have very little side effect other than delayed orgasms, which isnt the worst thign in the world.
Sometimes you can just take the med for a little while, and often all it takes is to not take the med for like 30 hours for a lot of those feelings down there to come back... and the anxiety is more than bearable if non existent.
Just try more avenues, you still need to work on what is making you anxious (right now isn't the time, because the anxiety is so high and is being triggered by everthing, it's quite hard to find). You're in a rough patch, and we've all had them, but be try to be positive about your recovery. You are young, and anxiety doesn't stick around forever, its a phase of our lives. You need to recognise this, and although i know it's really hard and a struggle, you'll get through it and be happy in not too long a time.
Keep us posted with how you feel and if you need any advice, you know we are all here.
Keep your chin up

[Itzomi]

Hi Butterfly!

I'm so sorry to hear you are having it so bad. I agree with the others - it sounds to me that you are having a bad reaction to your meds and are in need of a change.

Please see your doctor about it!

[jj1983]

Hello,

Everyone has excellent advice for you. I just wanted to say that I do KNOW THE FEELING and that we are all here for you!