dodgerfan_rey
11-05-2010, 05:22 PM
hi, this is my first post on here. I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety disorder in the begining of 2010, but i have been struggling with it for years. I dont know how it started exactly but it seemed to develop throughout my life. My whole life i have always been a very shy person but i didnt have all the problems i do now.
I find it almost impossible for me to meet people. i cant go up to someone i dont know to introduce myself and start a conversation. when i do, i forget what i wanted to say and get really nervous or i say something really dumb. during these situation, my heart is racing and i studder alot.
my problems are worse at night. i use to walk everywhere i went because i had no car. i would walk to my friends houses, stores or the park near my house. after i got bored i would walk home. if i left during the daytime or evening before it got dark, i would be ok. but if it was night and dark, i felt so haunted. it seemed thaat those walks home at night got worse. at first i would be able to handle it somewhat ok, without getting to paranoid, then it got worse and worse and the walks were terrible. especially where i lived because not all of the streets had lights or many houses. the main street i walked on was a long road with big dirt fields on each side. i always felt like something would come out of those fields and attack me, either dogs, or even some kind of creature that doesnt exist. i know that weird creatueres dont exist, but i always had that thought in my head. when i walked, i found myself really jumpy and looking around everywhere every second. i had to be aware of everything around me to stay calm.
no matter what im doing or where im at, i always look around to see whats going on. when im doing things like homework or listening to my ipod, i am really jumpy and do not want to be surprised. another thing i do alot is check my pockets compulsively. i always get the uncontrolable urge to do it, probably in fear of losing something. even if i just checked them, a minute later i do it again.
I am drug free now but,i used to self medicate alot with different drugs and alcohol. I started with weed a few years ago, i liked it and thats why i did it for a few years. but that always made me paranoid and more anxious. then i stopeed the weed because i didnt like the paranoia. then i did cocaine and extacy. i only did cocaine once, because i hated how it made me feel. for about 30 minutes i felt a weird feeling. being too aware of everythign, and when it wore off i got this reallly uncomfortable tweaked out feeling. i couldnt sit down or stand up. when i sat down i felt to tweaked to sit still, then i got up and walked around and i felt like i wanted to relax but i couldnt. then i got really paranoid and i kept hearing voices, it was really freaking me out. my body got hot and i was sweating alot. that night was a nightmare, after that night i never did cocaine again. i did extacy about 10 times, but that always got me more anxious and it made me want to sit still and not talk to anyone.
then i started doing xanax because i heard how they help axiety. i thought xanax was my lifesaver. i could finally be myself and have fun without worrying about anything, but unfortunately xanax was so hard for me to find and its very hard to get doctors to prescribe it. im glad my doctor didnt because i know how addicting xanax is. So i stopped the xanax and started drinking. drinking workd just as good but it wasnt a solution because i didnt have money for alcohol all the time and i cant live my life being drunk everyday.
So now im still looking for a sloution. i want to be able to live my life without so much worry. i want to be in control, and i dont want my anxiety controlling what i can and cant do. if u have any info that can help me i would appraciate it.
p.s. ive taken zoloft for my anxiety disorder but it didnt help and i took it for months with only a bunch of side effects to show for it. thanks for reading
I find it almost impossible for me to meet people. i cant go up to someone i dont know to introduce myself and start a conversation. when i do, i forget what i wanted to say and get really nervous or i say something really dumb. during these situation, my heart is racing and i studder alot.
my problems are worse at night. i use to walk everywhere i went because i had no car. i would walk to my friends houses, stores or the park near my house. after i got bored i would walk home. if i left during the daytime or evening before it got dark, i would be ok. but if it was night and dark, i felt so haunted. it seemed thaat those walks home at night got worse. at first i would be able to handle it somewhat ok, without getting to paranoid, then it got worse and worse and the walks were terrible. especially where i lived because not all of the streets had lights or many houses. the main street i walked on was a long road with big dirt fields on each side. i always felt like something would come out of those fields and attack me, either dogs, or even some kind of creature that doesnt exist. i know that weird creatueres dont exist, but i always had that thought in my head. when i walked, i found myself really jumpy and looking around everywhere every second. i had to be aware of everything around me to stay calm.
no matter what im doing or where im at, i always look around to see whats going on. when im doing things like homework or listening to my ipod, i am really jumpy and do not want to be surprised. another thing i do alot is check my pockets compulsively. i always get the uncontrolable urge to do it, probably in fear of losing something. even if i just checked them, a minute later i do it again.
I am drug free now but,i used to self medicate alot with different drugs and alcohol. I started with weed a few years ago, i liked it and thats why i did it for a few years. but that always made me paranoid and more anxious. then i stopeed the weed because i didnt like the paranoia. then i did cocaine and extacy. i only did cocaine once, because i hated how it made me feel. for about 30 minutes i felt a weird feeling. being too aware of everythign, and when it wore off i got this reallly uncomfortable tweaked out feeling. i couldnt sit down or stand up. when i sat down i felt to tweaked to sit still, then i got up and walked around and i felt like i wanted to relax but i couldnt. then i got really paranoid and i kept hearing voices, it was really freaking me out. my body got hot and i was sweating alot. that night was a nightmare, after that night i never did cocaine again. i did extacy about 10 times, but that always got me more anxious and it made me want to sit still and not talk to anyone.
then i started doing xanax because i heard how they help axiety. i thought xanax was my lifesaver. i could finally be myself and have fun without worrying about anything, but unfortunately xanax was so hard for me to find and its very hard to get doctors to prescribe it. im glad my doctor didnt because i know how addicting xanax is. So i stopped the xanax and started drinking. drinking workd just as good but it wasnt a solution because i didnt have money for alcohol all the time and i cant live my life being drunk everyday.
So now im still looking for a sloution. i want to be able to live my life without so much worry. i want to be in control, and i dont want my anxiety controlling what i can and cant do. if u have any info that can help me i would appraciate it.
p.s. ive taken zoloft for my anxiety disorder but it didnt help and i took it for months with only a bunch of side effects to show for it. thanks for reading