I'm sure I'm going to die

[Scared2live]

Hi Everyone,

This is my first post and I am not sure where to start. I have had anxiety since I was a small child( I am 37 now) . It has always been about my health and has gotten worse over the years. I am positive I am going to die and the doctor has missed something. I have had so many tests done and still do not believe them. I have ME and have had for the last 11 years. It throws up many symptoms which can be quite scary at the best of times. My problem is lately I am convinced I am about to die and leave behind my 4 boys and my husband. I have all but convinced myself I have an aneurysm n either my head or stomach. ( anxiety always makes things fatal) I feel sick constantly, non stop migraines, chest pain and a strange fullness in my chest and abdomen. I am making myself so anxious it takes all my will power not to run to the ER and demand an MRI for my whole body, one they would just think I was nuts and two I live in UK and that just wouldn't happen. the problem is I am sure I am losing my mind to all this stress. My ME keeps me pretty much house ridden and I obviously have way too much time to think and google. Not a great combination. I need help before I lose it completely. My only support is my husband and it is really upsetting for him to see me like this. Is anyone else out there who feels as scared of dying as i do? I cannot even take pills as I am sure I will have a reaction and die from that. Please if anyone out there understands this severe phobiamplease post back. Hopefully I will still be here to reply:-/

Thanks x

[gaara]

Hi Everyone,

This is my first post and I am not sure where to start. I have had anxiety since I was a small child( I am 37 now) . It has always been about my health and has gotten worse over the years. I am positive I am going to die and the doctor has missed something. I have had so many tests done and still do not believe them. I have ME and have had for the last 11 years. It throws up many symptoms which can be quite scary at the best of times. My problem is lately I am convinced I am about to die and leave behind my 4 boys and my husband. I have all but convinced myself I have an aneurysm n either my head or stomach. ( anxiety always makes things fatal) I feel sick constantly, non stop migraines, chest pain and a strange fullness in my chest and abdomen. I am making myself so anxious it takes all my will power not to run to the ER and demand an MRI for my whole body, one they would just think I was nuts and two I live in UK and that just wouldn't happen. the problem is I am sure I am losing my mind to all this stress. My ME keeps me pretty much house ridden and I obviously have way too much time to think and google. Not a great combination. I need help before I lose it completely. My only support is my husband and it is really upsetting for him to see me like this. Is anyone else out there who feels as scared of dying as i do? I cannot even take pills as I am sure I will have a reaction and die from that. Please if anyone out there understands this severe phobiamplease post back. Hopefully I will still be here to reply:-/

Thanks x

What has your therapist told you? Have you seen one?

[Itzomi]

Hi Sweetie,

Welcome to the board! You sure have come to the right place. This is a wonderful board full of very helpful and caring people!!

Please pardon me, but what is ME? I have never heard of it. (I'm in the U.S. - perhaps we call it something different here.)

Hypochondria is a real bugger. We're always convinced our days are numbered! We're like back-seat drivers towards our doctors - surely they have missed something!

Do you know what the cause of your health anxiety is? Did someone die on you unexpectedly?

[jj1983]

Hello,welcome to the board. I too am from the US and confused by what ME is?

[Scared2live]

Hi Sweetie,

Welcome to the board! You sure have come to the right place. This is a wonderful board full of very helpful and caring people!!

Please pardon me, but what is ME? I have never heard of it. (I'm in the U.S. - perhaps we call it something different here.)

Hypochondria is a real bugger. We're always convinced our days are numbered! We're like back-seat drivers towards our doctors - surely they have missed something!

Do you know what the cause of your health anxiety is? Did someone die on you unexpectedly?
My little brother got cancer when I was in my teens it was touch and go for a while as they waited so long to diagnose him. He is well now , married and has a child. It started then as I never dealt with his illness as inwas very close to him. 6 yrs ago my 10 yr old was diagnosed with diabetes and is now insulin dependent and I have basically gone down hill from there.

I hAve bi polar as well as ME/CFS some days are downright impossible.

X

[Itzomi]

So is ME something psychological?

That would totally make sense, you becoming hypochondriacal after learning of your brother having cancer. That would have been so unexpected - kids aren't "supposed" to get cancer. Then, your own child has diabetes.... It's perfectly understandable that you would have these fears!!! I lost both my parents 10 months apart, so that's mostly where mine comes from.

[Scared2live]

No ME/CFS is a medical condition but unfortunately has not had great publicity. It is thought to start with a virus that you never fully recover from. It is very debilitating and definitely adds to my overall stress as I am extremely limited in my activities, any activity is followed by days of pain and severe exhaustion. Very complex and very hard to explain. Being unwell so much leaves you far too many hours worrying and getting anxious. I am currently pulling my hair out as I lie here convinced tonight is the end and the horrendous pain and fullness under my sternum is a soon to rupture aneurysm. I am positive I will be crazy before morning!

Thank you so much for posting back it is nice to know I'm not alone:)

[Scared2live]

I am so sorry you lost both your parents that is so very sad:(

[JerJer]

Please read the post about Amino Acids. Maybe it will take away some of your symptoms.

Also, if you re-read your original post, it sounds like there is a part of you that truly believes you will not die and it is just anxiety.

[Zuena]

ME is also known as Yuppie Flu or Chronic Fatique Syndrome.

It is a disorder that causes extreme fatigue. This fatigue is not the kind of tired feeling that goes away after you rest. Instead, it lasts a long time and limits your ability to do ordinary daily activities.

Symptoms of CFS include fatigue for 6 months or more and experiencing other problems such as muscle pain, memory problems, headaches, pain in multiple joints, sleep problems, sore throat and tender lymph nodes. Since other illnesses can cause similar symptoms, CFS is hard to diagnose.

No one knows what causes CFS. It is most common in women in their 40s and 50s, but anyone can have it. It can last for years. There is no cure for CFS, so the goal of treatment is to improve symptoms. Medicines may treat pain, sleep disorders and other problems.


Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

[Itzomi]

Ohhhhhhhh....Chronic Fatique Syndrome!! I get it. Thanks, Zuena!! I'd never heard it called "ME" before, and not used to seeing it as "CFS."

[Zuena]

I'm sure I heard a while ago that there was a cure, or a way to control it. Going to research it. Good thing I don't get freaked out by reading up symptoms and illnesses. :-P

Z

[Zuena]

Symptoms include:

abdominal pain
alcohol intolerance
bloating
chest pain
chronic cough
diarrhea
dizziness
dry eyes or mouth
earaches
irregular heartbeat
jaw pain
morning stiffness
nausea
night sweats
depression
irritability
anxiety
panic attacks
shortness of breath
skin sensations
tingling sensations
weight loss.

Z

[Itzomi]

[quote="Scared2live"] Being unwell so much leaves you far too many hours worrying and getting anxious. quote]

I can imagine!! It's never good to have too much idle time to think!!

So, for you, it's an aneurysm fear? They run in my family - those are pretty quick and dramatic - and a better way to go than some other ways. I highly doubt you could feel one lurking somewhere because you feel a fullness. Me, I worry about something slow and degenerative. I have high cholesterol but, oddly enough, I don't worry about dying of a sudden heart attack! LOL.

Actually, have you been tested for Candida or food allergies? I know it sounds like you must have something "worse" than that but you'd be surprised!!!!! I was going to a nutritionist who was diagnosed with Lupus... Turned out that the test was wrong - she actually was allergic to wheat gluten, which was causing her symptoms. After eliminating WG, she was perfectly fine!!! I am gluten intolerant (not the same as having an allergy) as well as intolerant to eggs and yeast. I thank God I found this out - doctors never suggest this - I had to find this on my own!! (I'd been having pains in my sides in different spots, fullness feeling, etc. Didn't know if I had appendicitis, a gallbladder problem, a tumor, or what!)

[Itzomi]

Crap, Zuena! I have most of those symptoms!!! LOL. :o

[Itzomi]

Okay, false alarm... When I break it down, maybe not.....

abdominal pain - used to (food intolerance)
alcohol intolerance - don't drink, so dunno
bloating - yes
chest pain - used to
chronic cough - no
diarrhea - no, just loose stools (TMI)
dizziness - used to
dry eyes or mouth - no
earaches - no
irregular heartbeat - used to on occasion
jaw pain - sometimes
morning stiffness - not really - have in past
nausea - no
night sweats - no
depression - no
irritability - yes, but "environmental" ;)
anxiety - yes
panic attacks - not these days
shortness of breath - no
skin sensations - yes
tingling sensations - yes
weight loss. - heck no!

Whew, OK. You had me there for a second! LOL.

[JerJer]

Don't ever tell someone there is no cure. People have cured themselves miraculously from every disease.

Maybe conventional Western medical doctors, through their narrow lens don't have a cure, but that doesn't mean there isn't another way.

Ayurveda, Chinese Medicine, Tibetan Medicine, etc. look at what we call disease as symptoms of something much deeper. There are so many ways to heal.

[Itzomi]

Don't ever tell someone there is no cure. People have cured themselves miraculously from every disease.

Maybe conventional Western medical doctors, through their narrow lens don't have a cure, but that doesn't mean there isn't another way.

Ayurveda, Chinese Medicine, Tibetan Medicine, etc. look at what we call disease as symptoms of something much deeper. There are so many ways to heal.

That's so true!!

Tibetan medicine? Ooh! I don't know about that one. Will have to look into it! :)

[jennifer]

i know how you feel. i suffer from extreme anxiety! 4 yrs ago i had diagnosed myself w/having colon cancer. too afraid to make a doctors appt to confirm it, i put if off and a couple of months later took my young aunt for a colonoscopy. confirmed she had stage 4 terminal cancer.
as you can imagine, with my anxiety, i then not only had colon cancer, i also had a brain tumor (from all the headaches) then, bladder cancer (from several UTI's) stomach cancer - the list goes on and on!! of course i was hiding all of these crazy thought to myself because i didn't want my husband to know just how crazy i was! i started having severe panic attacks and lost 19 lbs. couldn't hide all that from him! of course, my doctor wanted me to see a psych doc due to the anxiety.. i was thinking more on the lines of an oncologist (still believing that my weight loss was due to cancer and not anxiety). i lost that battle, went to the psych doc who started me on an antidepressant and ativan for anxiety. after several months of not getting any better, i made an appt with a psychologist who i've been seeing ever since. my anxiety had come down and pretty much gone until 2 weeks ago, my aunt passed. now i feel all of those same overwhelming feeling of death! somethings wrong w/me and the doctors don't know it. on and on my thoughts!! i know from my therapist that anxiety has it's highs and lows. currently, it's at it's high and i need to work in the at home workbook she wanted me to use during hard times. Mind over Mood. it has begun to help. but i will say, when i've let my mind take me soooo far into believing that something is wrong w/me health wise, it takes a while to "pull myself out."
i'm telling you my story so you can see that you are not alone and to let you know you are not crazy!! that too was one of my biggest fears - i was losing my mind! my therapist told me "you're not losing your mind and how i know this is because you're telling me that your going crazy... it's those who don't think they are crazy are the ones to worry about! :)"

[Itzomi]

Jennifer, that's a wonderful post. "Mind over Mood" - I like that. Really, we can't rely on our moods, can we!!

It's hard when people so close to you pass on - you begin to wonder, "Am I next??!"

Regarding your aunt passing from something you had already feared, that's the worst. One of my fears is mesothelioma, though I haven't worried about it much in a while. (You know how the fears rotate when you have health anxiety!) Well, not long ago I visited an aunt on my father's side that I never knew, and I found out from her that my paternal grandfather died of mesothelioma! Of course, he was a smoker and an electrician who worked around asbestos pipes, but it's not something you really wanna hear... A mroe recent worry was MS, and when I told a cousin that, she just had to pipe up that another cousin we had had MS! Thanks a lot... :evil:

Once you really get yourself carried away, it's hard to get back down, especially if you've Googled and filled your head with corst-case scenarios!!

[Zuena]

IZ, I KNEW when I typed this up that you would say that lol.. I actually smiled to myself.

You don't have ME, you are fiiiineeeee my friend.

*says the doc*

Here, have some popcorn.

Z

[Zuena]

Don't ever tell someone there is no cure. People have cured themselves miraculously from every disease.

Maybe conventional Western medical doctors, through their narrow lens don't have a cure, but that doesn't mean there isn't another way.

Ayurveda, Chinese Medicine, Tibetan Medicine, etc. look at what we call disease as symptoms of something much deeper. There are so many ways to heal.

There is no known cure Jer. There might be a tiny red and purple flower that grows in the jungles of South America, but until we find that, there is no cure.

Z

[Itzomi]

IZ, I KNEW when I typed this up that you would say that lol.. I actually smiled to myself.

Z

Gotta tell ya... One time, I was watching "Entertainment Tonight" after Anna Nichole Smith had passed away (not sure if you're familiar with her in S.A. - just some famous ditzy slut - LOL) and someone was saying she secretly had Lupus. My first thought was... "Hm? Maybe I have Lupus?"

The funny thing was, I didn't even know what Lupus was. Didn't know the symptoms. Duh!

I eventually got tested for Lupus and, nope, don't got it. 8)

[forwells]

Don't ever tell someone there is no cure. People have cured themselves miraculously from every disease.

There is no known cure Jer. There might be a tiny red and purple flower that grows in the jungles of South America, but until we find that, there is no cure.

Sorry you information is not correct and is what you believe .

At 21 i got what i think was blood poisoning and then CFS for 4 years before i fully recovered .

The fear of it returning was what caused my fear reaction to stress this time .

People recovery from many thing they are told they will not . YOu just need to work on it and believe .

At 16 i was told i would end up in a wheel chair by the time i was 30 if i didnt stop doing what i was doing . Now 38 and not there yet.

cheers kev :D

[JerJer]

Ok, blood poisoning or something like that is a serious blow to the body. But generally, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, which is a vague term to describe various symptoms that doctors can't measure, people can be cured of. Not some crazy purple flower in the rainforest, but by doing the right therapies, physically and mentally.

If you want to go through life thinking that if conventional doctors can't measure it or have a pill to make it go away, then you just have to live with something and give up, then that is your choice. I think it's sad to think so narrow minded though.

I met a lady, a nutritionist and teacher, who cured herself of cancer by juicing vegetables and doing serious visualization exercises.

There are no rules in this reality that say you can't be cured of this or that. The only limits are in your mind. People are cured miraculously all the time.

When it's one's time to die, they will die. But to say that Chronic Fatigue Syndrome can not be cured is ridiculous. You just haven't healed yourself from it yet. By telling yourself you are stuck and there is no way out is obviously creating that in your reality.

[Scared2live]

I did not want to go into great detail regarding my chronic fatigue as i did not wish to scare anyone esp on here:) There is no cure only management I have had it 11 years now!

Most people cannot understand it if they have never had it or know someone with it as the internet has far too much misinformation and portrays it in many different ways.

[Scared2live]

Sorry jer jer but I find you extremely abrupt and by no means helpful. You have no anxiety I am reckoning as you are positive we can cure ourselves if we try hard enough! I'm not sure about your Tibetan and Chinese medicines but there is no conventional cure! I have had it 11 yrs and I manage it. There is no cure for cancer only remission as I am sure you are aware . So are you saying we are just not trying hard enough and giving up. I think not no one wishes to be Ill. I came on here to find friends and sympathetic people who are like minded not lectures on how I'm being negative about a cure for cfs!

[Itzomi]

Sorry jer jer but I find you extremely abrupt and by no means helpful. You have no anxiety I am reckoning as you are positive we can cure ourselves if we try hard enough! I'm not sure about your Tibetan and Chinese medicines but there is no conventional cure! I have had it 11 yrs and I manage it. There is no cure for cancer only remission as I am sure you are aware . So are you saying we are just not trying hard enough and giving up. I think not no one wishes to be Ill. I came on here to find friends and sympathetic people who are like minded not lectures on how I'm being negative about a cure for cfs!

Hi hon,

I think you misread JerJer's comments - at least I sure didn't take it the same way. He wasn't saying it's anyone's fault for not curing themselves. He means that traditional Western medicine isn't the be-all, end-all, and that there are other treatments out there that HAVE cured people of hard-to-treat ailments. Also, to say that "there is no cure" (which is what Western medicine wants you to believe - if you can't cure it with their overpriced meds, there isn't a cure, period) as an absolute is incorrect. That's not to say that everyone or everything can be cured, but there most definitely have been people cured of things they were originally told were hopeless.

[Scared2live]

I think this is obviously not the right forum for me.

[Scared2live]

To Jennifer

Thank you for your post it was very comforting to read you had similar fears. I have also got mind over mood but unfortunately CBT has not really helped will be trying DBT next to see if that helps. The psychologist felt as I had been anxious since I was 5 and alot happened over the years ( I'm 37 now!) it has also shaped my personality but I persevere in hope of some improvement. As I also have rapid cycling bipolar it has been an uphill struggle as the long term anxiety fueled the disorder and has made treatment complex . I hope you find some peace it's awful to lose someone even when you are not prone to anxiety.

X

[Itzomi]

I think this is obviously not the right forum for me.

People are just trying to offer you help here. We may not all agree on the "cure" thing, but it's everyone's intention to encourage you in our own individual way. Some of us just refuse to see such situations as hopeless.

[Zuena]

Jer, I prefer to live in reality.

I have "cured" myself from anxiety simply by being positive and taking control of the situation.

Being described as narrow minded simply because I believe that there is no KNOWN cure for a certain disease or illness does not sit well with me. And maybe there IS a little red and purple flower that grows in the rainforest that can cure cancer or ME or anxiety, but until that is found we just don't know yet, do we.

All we can do in the meantime is manage the symptoms, and try whatever new ways we can to solve the situation.

If you are such an expert, please tell your Tibetan monks I would like a cure for HIV, so I can solve this crisis all around me in Africa.

Tell my best friend who has two boys, one 16 and 6 who are both dying of a rare form of leukemia that she is narrow minded because she feels hopeless, as they have tried everything to save these boys and nothing is working. They have sold everything they own, looking for help and healing - nothing has worked.

We are all entitled to opinions, and most people on here do not hesitate to say when they disagree - unlike you though, they don't attack and describe others as narrow minded when my / our opinions do not fit into their frame of reference.

Z

[Itzomi]

Psssst... Who wants to pull my finger??

[Zuena]

If I do, will it cure my sore toe?

:-P

[Itzomi]

Hey!! Who feels like singing?? All together now!!!

"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuuuuts!!
There they are, standing in a rooooow!!!
Big ones!! Small ones!! Some as big as your head!!...."

[Itzomi]

If I do, will it cure my sore toe?

:-P

Only if I chant in Swahili and the planets are aligned just right.

[Itzomi]

Lookie here! A joke!! :

Herman the hypochondriac began sobbing before a doctor. "I'm sure I've got a liver disease, and I'm gonna die from it!"

"Ridiculous," said the doctor. "You'd never know if you had the disease or not. With that ailment there's no discomfort of any kind."

"Right," said Herman, "those are my exact symptoms!!"


Ha ha ha ha haaaaaa *snort* ha ha ha ha ha....

[Itzomi]

Sorry... Just trying to lighten things up a bit... You seriously don't want to pull my finger tonight anyway. Indian for lunch and Mexican for dinner. 'Nuff said.

[JerJer]

I am trying to offer hope. Not make you upset.

The way Western doctors diagnose is only through one paradigm. If you have semanella or Strepth or Staph, Hepatitis C, yeah obviously this is a black and white situation and a black and white treatment is needed.

But Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is caused by what? It's a vague name for many symptoms. Something is going on very deep here, and it obviously needs a deep healing process. Just like anxiety, which I do have, by the way. Western medicine does not offer deep healing, only symptomatic treatments. A deep healing is from a different perspective. I didn't mean you find the magical plant and drink its tea for 2 weeks and you are cured.

What I mean CFS the body is clearly out of wack and offset. On a deep level something is out of balance. Will Western Medicine bring your body back to balance? Most likely just manage symptoms.

You do herbal therapies from a treat the branch but cure the root standpoint, yoga, qi gong, meditation and visualization, reiki, organic vegetable juices, pomegranate juice, ginseng, and a lot of spiritual work and whatever it is to bring your body towards healing, you should get better little by little.

I can't understand just siting around saying there is no cure so fuck it. Is that your idea of reality? What that does is make you a victim, and it creates a false reality that you are stuck in a box.

Every single human being is on a healing path, and our bodies are struggling to balance homeostasis every hour, minute, and second of every day.

I am writing this because I hope it helps you, not to upset you.