IloveAva
11-03-2010, 03:41 PM
Hey! Not too sure how to start this...
Well, Im 25 and Ive been quite anxious since having my first child in 2009 (general worry about cot death etc) which turned into a major obsession and i couldnt talk about my feelings or even mention the term 'cot death' as my mindset was that i would jinx it and something would happen to my daughter. I regularly thought about death, dying and as silly as it sounds, the first time that I was ACTUALLY going to die eventually hit me when i was having a bath one day... I guess ive battled with depression since an early age but i was always a happy person, had lots of friends, a good social life but my relationship with my mother was always very strained. Left home when i was 15 and have been on my own since then.
Up until having my daughter i was always pretty care free and life was very simple and easy.
So more bad stuff followed in 2009- the death of a close friend, 2 work collegues, the near fatal aneurysm of my partners mother and lots of stuff in between.
My anxiety started off as physical symptoms of palpatations which happened for a few months. I had various blood tests and an ECG to moniter my heart. All came back OK.
I then started having panic attacks around June of this year. The first of which was the single most terrifying experience of my life! I had about 3 or 4 in the following months which i learnt to control with breathing through it until about 5 weeks ago when late, one friday night after my partner came home from work with a McDonalds. I was half way through my burger when i started feeling 'funny' I tried to push the feeling away by reading and then after a while i turned the light off to sleep and then i had this awful fear that something wasnt right. I have never felt my heart race so fast, i was convinced i was having a heart attack! The paramedics were called, i was giving the all clear after about an hour or so, they left i had a big cry and then it started happening again so i was took to hospital. Since that friday night its been on my mind constantly and ive thought about it daily to the point where its now effecting my life. That night made my first attack seem like a dream!
No one i know really knows what im going through and its putting a strain on my relationship as well as my ability to be a good mother. I just need to talk to people who've been through the same/similar and (hopefully) learn that theres light at the end of this tunnel!
Any comments would be gratefully accepted.
Thanks for reading!!
Well, Im 25 and Ive been quite anxious since having my first child in 2009 (general worry about cot death etc) which turned into a major obsession and i couldnt talk about my feelings or even mention the term 'cot death' as my mindset was that i would jinx it and something would happen to my daughter. I regularly thought about death, dying and as silly as it sounds, the first time that I was ACTUALLY going to die eventually hit me when i was having a bath one day... I guess ive battled with depression since an early age but i was always a happy person, had lots of friends, a good social life but my relationship with my mother was always very strained. Left home when i was 15 and have been on my own since then.
Up until having my daughter i was always pretty care free and life was very simple and easy.
So more bad stuff followed in 2009- the death of a close friend, 2 work collegues, the near fatal aneurysm of my partners mother and lots of stuff in between.
My anxiety started off as physical symptoms of palpatations which happened for a few months. I had various blood tests and an ECG to moniter my heart. All came back OK.
I then started having panic attacks around June of this year. The first of which was the single most terrifying experience of my life! I had about 3 or 4 in the following months which i learnt to control with breathing through it until about 5 weeks ago when late, one friday night after my partner came home from work with a McDonalds. I was half way through my burger when i started feeling 'funny' I tried to push the feeling away by reading and then after a while i turned the light off to sleep and then i had this awful fear that something wasnt right. I have never felt my heart race so fast, i was convinced i was having a heart attack! The paramedics were called, i was giving the all clear after about an hour or so, they left i had a big cry and then it started happening again so i was took to hospital. Since that friday night its been on my mind constantly and ive thought about it daily to the point where its now effecting my life. That night made my first attack seem like a dream!
No one i know really knows what im going through and its putting a strain on my relationship as well as my ability to be a good mother. I just need to talk to people who've been through the same/similar and (hopefully) learn that theres light at the end of this tunnel!
Any comments would be gratefully accepted.
Thanks for reading!!