Klyn
11-02-2010, 11:51 PM
Hi there.
I'm new to the forum. It took me a while to finally decide to join, as I am not a very big forum kind of person and wasn't sure how this exactly would benefit me. I'm not really the type to share my feelings to strangers, but after some persuasion from someone very special to me, I decided that I should give it a shot. I'm going through a bit of a tough time right now so I really don't have much to lose.
So where to begin...
I haven't had the easiest life. I'm only 21 but I feel like I've had to deal with things way beyond my maturity level. My parents split up when I was very young and I barely have any memories of living with them. I've been living with my grandma for the past 13 years or so.
When I was younger I never really had an anxiety problem. Even though I was bullied up until finishing high school, anxious thoughts never really got inside of my head. Growing up, things just didn't affect me, I guess. However in the past year or so, I've become anxious. Not to the point where it stops me from doing everyday things, but to the point where I feel uncomfortable for long periods of time. I worry about my future, about where I'm going to be in 3 years. I get anxious when I think about my family dying, especially my grandma who has basically raised me.
Sometimes I feel like my insecurities fuel my anxiety. I worry about not being good enough for others, or not working hard enough at my job, or not understanding the material at school.
I find it hard to be friends with girls my age because they are caught up in the superficial kind of life ie. having sex with random guys, doing drugs, etc. I'm not saying that I'm better than anyone else, I just find it very hard to relate to others my age because I feel like I've had to grow up faster than them. This makes me anxious and makes me feel like nobody can relate to me or understand me.
My love/relationship life also makes me anxious, as several problems have arised due to my insecurities which fuel my anxiety. I allow myself to think irrational thoughts that cause conflict and in the end results in fighting. This upsets me because I know I have something amazing with this person and I feel like I'm allowing my insecurities/anxiety to control me and ruin it.
Not to mention, I have severe and I mean SEVERE nightmares every single night. They are vivid and usually involve important people in my life (significant other, family members, people I am not friends with anymore, etc.). They are such clear visions that I wake up from these nightmares shaking. This is probably my main source of anxiety. I even get worried to go to sleep because I don't know what my mind is going to show me.
I am generally a happy person. I do go through moments of self doubt but I never allow myself to linger on those thoughts.
Sometimes I find that I can talk myself out of having these irrational thoughts, but I find that they don't disappear completely.
I tend to think a lot of "what ifs" and "how do I know", etc. I read into things.
I know that these thoughts are totally irrational and that thinking this way won't help me. I know I should take things as they come and not worry so much about the future.
Right now, my school/work/personal life is definitely causing me major stress so I'm thinking that my anxiety comes from this. The only way I can really stop feeling anxious is if I verbally tell myself to stop. I actually have to say "Stop it, stop thinking that." and then it usually goes away for a couple days. But then, like I said earlier, it comes back.
I sometimes feel like my past, the lack of love I received from my parents has added to why I feel this way, why I question everything..
I guess I joined because I want to see if anybody's early life experiences/experiences growing up has caused them anxiety later in life.
I hope that I can find the missing piece to all of this and stop thinking these thoughts that contribute to my anxiety, because I'm young and have a great life ahead of me. I just gotta take it one step at a time.
Thanks for reading
8)
I'm new to the forum. It took me a while to finally decide to join, as I am not a very big forum kind of person and wasn't sure how this exactly would benefit me. I'm not really the type to share my feelings to strangers, but after some persuasion from someone very special to me, I decided that I should give it a shot. I'm going through a bit of a tough time right now so I really don't have much to lose.
So where to begin...
I haven't had the easiest life. I'm only 21 but I feel like I've had to deal with things way beyond my maturity level. My parents split up when I was very young and I barely have any memories of living with them. I've been living with my grandma for the past 13 years or so.
When I was younger I never really had an anxiety problem. Even though I was bullied up until finishing high school, anxious thoughts never really got inside of my head. Growing up, things just didn't affect me, I guess. However in the past year or so, I've become anxious. Not to the point where it stops me from doing everyday things, but to the point where I feel uncomfortable for long periods of time. I worry about my future, about where I'm going to be in 3 years. I get anxious when I think about my family dying, especially my grandma who has basically raised me.
Sometimes I feel like my insecurities fuel my anxiety. I worry about not being good enough for others, or not working hard enough at my job, or not understanding the material at school.
I find it hard to be friends with girls my age because they are caught up in the superficial kind of life ie. having sex with random guys, doing drugs, etc. I'm not saying that I'm better than anyone else, I just find it very hard to relate to others my age because I feel like I've had to grow up faster than them. This makes me anxious and makes me feel like nobody can relate to me or understand me.
My love/relationship life also makes me anxious, as several problems have arised due to my insecurities which fuel my anxiety. I allow myself to think irrational thoughts that cause conflict and in the end results in fighting. This upsets me because I know I have something amazing with this person and I feel like I'm allowing my insecurities/anxiety to control me and ruin it.
Not to mention, I have severe and I mean SEVERE nightmares every single night. They are vivid and usually involve important people in my life (significant other, family members, people I am not friends with anymore, etc.). They are such clear visions that I wake up from these nightmares shaking. This is probably my main source of anxiety. I even get worried to go to sleep because I don't know what my mind is going to show me.
I am generally a happy person. I do go through moments of self doubt but I never allow myself to linger on those thoughts.
Sometimes I find that I can talk myself out of having these irrational thoughts, but I find that they don't disappear completely.
I tend to think a lot of "what ifs" and "how do I know", etc. I read into things.
I know that these thoughts are totally irrational and that thinking this way won't help me. I know I should take things as they come and not worry so much about the future.
Right now, my school/work/personal life is definitely causing me major stress so I'm thinking that my anxiety comes from this. The only way I can really stop feeling anxious is if I verbally tell myself to stop. I actually have to say "Stop it, stop thinking that." and then it usually goes away for a couple days. But then, like I said earlier, it comes back.
I sometimes feel like my past, the lack of love I received from my parents has added to why I feel this way, why I question everything..
I guess I joined because I want to see if anybody's early life experiences/experiences growing up has caused them anxiety later in life.
I hope that I can find the missing piece to all of this and stop thinking these thoughts that contribute to my anxiety, because I'm young and have a great life ahead of me. I just gotta take it one step at a time.
Thanks for reading
8)