how should I take it?

[Fear]

I'm confused as never before.Now that I wanna make friendships,and really get able to have relationships,I'm completely lost and this make me feel trapped.I don't get how to behave.It seems like I'm never good enough,never fun enough,never present enough,never working enough,...I don't know what to do.I try to be good,but most of the time I'm kinda lost with stupid thoughts in my head that push me to stay far from others.I try to be honest,but it doesn't pay.I'm convinced people in general love who hurts 'em.I'm feeling things I thought I would have never felt,like jealousy and envy which isn't something I'm proud of.When the other girls show help between each other I wonder why I can't have it,maybe I got it but I don't even know.I feel lonely and I would like to go out with friends but people don't consider me I don't know why I'm trying to open up,but...I'm lost help me please

[Fear]

I would like to talk about this to some people I know but I feel ashamed a little and I'm scared of what they might think.

[Fear]

I feel a lot insecure and I take too seriously everything people tell me,so I'm never 'focused' enough to really understand if they are serious or just joking.I've learnt to enjoy company but don't know how to get to the next level.
Do you think I should talk about how I feel to the ones I told you?

[Fear]

All of my insecurities comes from the fact I don't wanna stay alone again,as I used to.I feel excluded from everything,even when I don't have the right to feel,I'm not objective anymore