rose80
10-17-2010, 05:25 PM
Hi,
I never knew a site like this existed. I'm in the UK, it's 3m past midnight and I can't sleep because I keep feelig upset and wishing there was a way I could fix things even though 2 years ago I resigned myself to the fact that I can't change a thing. Me = powerless. Man, i haven't felt like this in a while and it sucks :(
Where do I start? Well, I'm one of 2 children and 26 years old with a younger sister. My mum has suffered anxiety all of her life as does my sister now. This built up with us being fairly unaware until I was about 10 and my sis 7 when mum stopped leaving the house. That period is a bit of a blur, maybe chose to forget, maybe is wasn't so relevant I just remember feeling poorly at school quite a bit and being quite sensitive and having the office call home and waiting and waiting for my dad to get off work to pick me up because mum couldn't come.
It was hard and got harder, my diary which I later destroyed incase she saw it revealed how much it hurt. I wished and wished. She got a councelor, she was picking me up from school one day when I was 13. I knew where to meet her and the councelor. I got there and got into the tense car and got home. I felt numb because it wasn't what I thought. The next time she wasn't there. That was the last time.
Houses have been bought, babies have been born, university graduation, illness has occured, eve a v small marriage has taken place (although not what a little girl, even one who pretends she never wanted, dreams about) and life is still the same.
I offer rides out, I try to talk but not push. I very rarely show how it makes me feel and them bam. It gets me then i wish and wish..... that whatever it was (and I know the gist of it) that caused it never happened.
I'm sorry if this has upset anybody, it's a bit of a pouring of how I feel right now and it's prob the wrong place and tomorrow may be brighter I just feel like there's nobody who can understand me. I try my best to understand and I help as much as I can but is this her destiny? Forever? I want her to be free and happy. To visit a doctor, and optician, a dentist. To visit me, once. I must sound so selfish.
Rose
I never knew a site like this existed. I'm in the UK, it's 3m past midnight and I can't sleep because I keep feelig upset and wishing there was a way I could fix things even though 2 years ago I resigned myself to the fact that I can't change a thing. Me = powerless. Man, i haven't felt like this in a while and it sucks :(
Where do I start? Well, I'm one of 2 children and 26 years old with a younger sister. My mum has suffered anxiety all of her life as does my sister now. This built up with us being fairly unaware until I was about 10 and my sis 7 when mum stopped leaving the house. That period is a bit of a blur, maybe chose to forget, maybe is wasn't so relevant I just remember feeling poorly at school quite a bit and being quite sensitive and having the office call home and waiting and waiting for my dad to get off work to pick me up because mum couldn't come.
It was hard and got harder, my diary which I later destroyed incase she saw it revealed how much it hurt. I wished and wished. She got a councelor, she was picking me up from school one day when I was 13. I knew where to meet her and the councelor. I got there and got into the tense car and got home. I felt numb because it wasn't what I thought. The next time she wasn't there. That was the last time.
Houses have been bought, babies have been born, university graduation, illness has occured, eve a v small marriage has taken place (although not what a little girl, even one who pretends she never wanted, dreams about) and life is still the same.
I offer rides out, I try to talk but not push. I very rarely show how it makes me feel and them bam. It gets me then i wish and wish..... that whatever it was (and I know the gist of it) that caused it never happened.
I'm sorry if this has upset anybody, it's a bit of a pouring of how I feel right now and it's prob the wrong place and tomorrow may be brighter I just feel like there's nobody who can understand me. I try my best to understand and I help as much as I can but is this her destiny? Forever? I want her to be free and happy. To visit a doctor, and optician, a dentist. To visit me, once. I must sound so selfish.
Rose